I get it. One of my friends used to tell me for every twenty people you meet there is one who will be a good friend. Keep up the good work dontvgive up keep that in mind about people so you don't get too close to people before you know them Well.

Seems hard now but be kind to yourself. One step at a time.

That's a good one. When I feel down from this issue I get some bath salts and take me a nice long soak.

Healing is a process and it takes time. The longer we live with abuse, the longer it usually takes.

I did several years of intense one on one therapy plus some specialized group therapy, all w/a trauma recovery therapist. I spent most of my adult life in and out of therapy but nothing helped me heal. It did help me survive. But no one identified that I was in an abusive relationship until way late in the game.

Now that I have been divorced for 8 yrs, I'm getting to know & fall madly in love w/myself. In addition to the therapy, I did (and still do) guided imagery for relaxation & ptsd. I practice mindfulness, meditation & breath work. I journal. I enjoy my hobbies & art. I make sure I laugh every day & practice daily gratitude (this is essential & made a huge difference in how I see the world. I volunteer. I am continuing my education, belong to discussion groups, do things w/friends (which took a while to make new ones) and spend time in nature.

It takes time to figure out what works best for each of us. But always practice extreme self care!

~healing hugs~

The world out there, is nothing compared to where I came from.

Just me, but once out, I found out that I was so much stronger and able to handle it than I ever thought I'd be.

What took some time, was believing in myself. Like Dorothy from the Wizard of Oz, I just had to learn how to click my own heels and find it within myself.

There was some sort of Anderson Cooper thing on recently with Anderson trying to deal with working with headphones on with voices saying things like someone with schizophrenia would have.
That was my life growing up.

Sometimes it's the things that are different that are most striking to me. My first gut thought was (and is) "those voices aren't that bad, heck they would have been the nicer ones of what I had". Yet Anderson was having a hard time coping....??? He's an adult...he's got "coping skills"...he comes from privilege...and he's having a hard time??!!

So yeah, I was much stronger than I ever thought.

The practice of
SELF-CARE
has been my
secret remedy.

I'm not saying
that it's a
miracle cure
but it sure has
helped me
keep my center
in an upside down
kind of world.

I learned self-care, not through therapy, but through Forcing myself to do it...starting with 5 minutes a day.

Then I'd reward myself for doing it, or reward myself for not doing it (what I was really rewarding myself for...is just trying).

Five minutes, that was the first step. Rain or shine, love it or hate it, feel guilty or not...sometimes it was just because I wanted the reward. It was totally "fake it 'til you make it". Months of just that.


I just recently heard a Bill Gates quote. Something along the lines of people always overestimate the gains expected in the next two years, and underestimate them in the next ten. That's pretty much it. It's a long term process of "filling up the cup"...seems like it will NEVER get there (or at least that's how it felt to me).

Then one day...I was there. Shocked. Looked around. Dove for cover. It took more time to get used to that. What am I going to Feel all day long if I'm not feeling terrible? Then slowly, the grass grew, and I WAS on the greener side of the fence.


So your question, what did I do? Five minutes a day...

Patti -------

That's AWESOME.

I would like to
cross-stitch your
entire response onto
a huge pillow or
paste it onto
a billboard in
every state, in
every country,
on every highway.


""""""""""""""""" Then one day...I was there. """""""""""""""""""""""""


AWESOME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, yes.

Start with five minutes a day.

Start with ONE minute a day.

Every single one of us
is
PRECIOUS.

It doesn't matter if
our mother didn't
think so.

It doesn't matter what LIE
some emotionally injured
partner who shouldn't
ever be anyone's partner
has told us "about"
our self.


What matters is that
we ---- all of us -----
are a
frigging MIRACLE.

No one exactly like us
has ever lived before
in the entire history
of the earth
and
no one exactly like us
will ever live again
for as long as the
universe exists.

Every moment of our life
is a MIRACLE.

Each of us is a
beautiful and
precious flower
on the
stem of the universe.

Each of our
velvety, exquisite
petals
never was before
and will never be
repeated.

I hope every member
of this community will
try to find a nano-second
in each ethereal day
to treasure your
singular miraculousness.

Thanks for your response,
Patti.
You've inspired my day.

In Connecticut at this moment
it's six a.m.
I'm about to dress for
a winter's morning
walk in the woods,
and head down the
trail to the lovely
mountain lake
not far from where
I'm lucky enough
to be living, now.

I will take at least
five minutes at the
water's edge
to appreciate
the glory of
this day,
despite the
aches and pains
of this aging body
and the battle scars
inflicted upon it and
the battles yet to fight.

Five minutes to
hold this unique
and miraculous life
in a place of
appreciation
and gratitude.

And then I'll
return to the
battle.

Sending every
precious soul
who reads this
thoughts of
strength,
clarity
and joy.