Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, today's my 11th anniversary.
My wife wants to do something tonight. She's leaving it up to me. After we finish Christmas shopping. After my son's birthday party. Which she invited all her friends and our family to.
I bought my son a birthday present. Gave it to him separate from the pile of stuff that she bought as gifts from us without consulting me.
I've got to get my daughter a Santa present - my wife's idea is a Lego table, rated age 4 and up. My daughter's 9. I'm making sure she gets something better than that.
I'm ok, but I'm ready for this day to be behind me. No matter what, it's either going to be loaded with unexpressed expectations, hurt feelings, and defensiveness. There is going to be tension and pain. I hope not too much of it is mine.
My wife wants to do something tonight. She's leaving it up to me. After we finish Christmas shopping. After my son's birthday party. Which she invited all her friends and our family to.
I bought my son a birthday present. Gave it to him separate from the pile of stuff that she bought as gifts from us without consulting me.
I've got to get my daughter a Santa present - my wife's idea is a Lego table, rated age 4 and up. My daughter's 9. I'm making sure she gets something better than that.
I'm ok, but I'm ready for this day to be behind me. No matter what, it's either going to be loaded with unexpressed expectations, hurt feelings, and defensiveness. There is going to be tension and pain. I hope not too much of it is mine.
I think expectations are the killer. Even through all the chaos, lies and manipulations we still have a part if us that expects civility or decency...a degree of normalcy and we are continually disappointed.
I think kids catch on to more than you think without you realizing it. It speaks volumes about your character if you chose to not make her look bad in front of them. Not saying deny reality however. They "get" who's there for them and motivations more than we think I believe,
We went christmas shopping. Things went fine.
Had dinner. Calm, no big problems. Saw a movie, no worries.
I noticed several little things she did that actually put me first. She gave my name at the restauarnt as the name to call out. She asked me to cut the cake, as I'm so good at it. Ordered the meal I suggested she might like. Asked me if we should do cake or presents first, and didn't have any problems when I said the kids needed to just play for a bit first. Gave me a hug, and then went in the house after all was said and done.
It was still plenty awkward, and doesn't help my long term confusion much, but... today goes into the 'she's doing it right' pile.