Yes, in this country, the bad guy has all the rights, and the victim has none. I've experienced it more than once and it's enough to make you scream. We have the biggest joke of a judicial system. I was stalked by a convicted felon/sex offender for over a year. He had illegal possession of a firearm as well. I moved, bought a new car, and started a new career but that did not stop him from stalking me. The only reason ANYTHING got done with it at all was b/c I was dating a federal cop at the time and he got the ball rolling. The guy was arrested and even tho he has a criminal history and the stalking was pretty severe, he only got 5 yrs probation (when everyone, even the police, assured me he'd serve at least a few months for this). He wasn't even charged with the felony possession of a firearm charges (there are several and he would have to serve a MINIMUM of around 7 yrs or so in prison for them, and all the proof is easily accessible). They made me give my new address (after quickly buying a new house and moving so he WOULDN'T know where I lived) to put on the restraining order.

A couple years ago my car was broken into, my wallet and other stuff stolen. The guy was using my credit cards to buy people gas at the gas stations nearby. He was caught on video. He was witnessed breaking into my car by the security guard at the condo it was parked in front of. He used my credit cards to attempt to buy stuff online (giving his address). The police didn't care, and wouldn't help me. I went through all the trouble of watching the tapes and getting all the info from the credit cards of all the transactions. I called the store he ordered stuff from and I wasn't allowed to get the address he used to attempt to send stuff that he bought w/ MY CREDIT CARD! Because HE has rights! Not me! The victim of credit card fraud, theft, etc. So he got away with it.

A year ago I was sued by a narcissistic slumlord who broke every single landlord/tenant law in the books. She tried to steal money from me and when I told her I wasn't going to allow her to steal my money, and gave her 2 weeks to return it. She then immediately filed a $5000 lawsuit against ME!! The victim of all the laws she broke!! She legally owed me thousands of dollars (there is set restitution for all these laws that she owed me, plus she legally had to pay my attorney). Yet, she got away with it. She wasn't made to pay even the legal MINIMUM of what she owed me. 3 laws she broke (which she admitted to) all stated she had to pay my attorney and she didn't even have to do that. On top of it, the dumbass judge made me pay her, REWARD HER, for breaking all the laws (I had done absolutely nothing wrong or illegal in any way). It was an extremely traumatic experience for me that made me truly realized how assbackwards our legal system is.

What is the point of the laws we have if nobody will enforce them? It makes the law books nothing more than a fairy tale. A "this is how it would be in a fair world" kind of story. Time and time again I have seen our legal system refuse to enforce even the bare MINIMUM of what the books say. You get victimized by the criminals, and then victimized again by the courts. It's a total joke.

I am not surprised you feel victimized all over again. It's amazing how the system is protecting your ex's rights and it is shocking the system only had him serve one month for beating you. My stbx threw me into a cupboard years ago, and my hip has never been the same since. There are times when I am in so much pain, I have to literally hobble around like an old woman. Luckily, this pain is not constant, but it comes and goes, depending on where the bone fragments are on a given day. If they get between the joints, they cause irritation, inflammation, then excruciating pain, but I can manage it with pain killers prescribed by the doctor. Anyway, he got off with a plea bargain. He just had to promise the judge he would behave himself for one year. The prosecutor accepted this because even though I was injured, there were no witnesses.

If no-one can help, you will just have to be very aware of your surroundings and who you answer the door to. It might be a good idea to keep the phone by the bed at night. It certainly isn't a great way to live, but in this situation being proactive is your best bet. Good luck and best wishes.

So true..In ireland its just as bad...

My ex could strip me violently, and beat me and choke me, and strangle me..and bruise and scrape me allover leaving me bleeding...and I couldn't even get him barred from the family home..because in court he denied it all..and also 'agreed' to stay away...

Which didn't stop me being unable to sleep..and afraid to breathe because I seriously feared some nights that he was quietly hiding under my bed waiting to jump out to 'finish me off'..and also every shadow I saw for months afterwards in my garden, I thought was him waiting to kill me...

They claimed that they would still do him for assault..but that was over a year ago, and since I would only be a 'witness'..To their case..I have no say in it..Its all in their hands..ands its beginning to look like they are going to let it sink as a 'domestic'..as in a private couples argument?..

If I was walking along the street and someone beat me like he did that night..he'd be 'done' within a month here..but hey?..In my own home?..thats differn't..Thats between the couple?..best not to get involved too much there??..

It does make me sick..and I know agentsmith what happened to me doesn't even begin to compare to what you have had to go through and put up with..and my heart always goes out to you for all you have had to go through..

But still you're all so right..it is the system telling us that they can get 'away' with their abuse..And its so true..'You get victimized by the criminals, and then victimized again by the courts. It's a total joke'.

sabrin15..I agree with susan151...(and so sorry to hear of what happened to you also..)..But all we are left to do, is stay 'proactive' and watch diligently, and try to keep safe from them...

Having your phone near at all times is very good advise..and also to 'formally' tell your local police about your fears..

They are obliged to 'record' them. JUST in case anything bad did happen, and with a formal complaint, they could end up in the shit..if they didn't watch out for you somehow..So its still well worth going just to put your 'fears' on offical record..

By doing that I got an ASBO slapped on my ex, which means he now can't communicate with me..it wouldn't nmecessarily stop him, but knowing I have it.. is a help..

sabrin15 thank God he is out of your life..I understand your fear...and think it is terrible, that his rights, are more protected, than yours..Stay safe...

Vonnie - I can totally relate to you expecting him to pop out at any moment. I developed PTSD over my stalker and lived in constant fear for my life. I began having recurring nightmares of him trying to get into the house to kill me, and me trying to call the police but them not helping (go figure). One night I had the most vivid dream I've ever had in my entire life. After he found out where I live now, I immediately installed a motion sensor at the foot of the stairs. I slept with the bdrm door closed and locked and a paintball gun and knife next to the bed. In this particular nightmare I heard the motion sensor alarm followed by the creaking of my 100 yr old stairs (they're pretty noisy). I knew he was coming and reached for my cell phone next to the bed, for some reason it was off. I tried to turn it on but it wouldn't work. So I grabbed the paintball gun and aimed it at the door, waiting for him to burst through. Nothing happened. So I got up and slowly crept toward my bdrm door, paintball gun in hand. I opened it and he was standing there, facing sideways, staring like they do in the scary movies. I aimed the gun at his face and tried to fire but nothing happened. That's when I woke up. Scariest dream of my life. It was soooo vivid. Needless to say, I didn't sleep again that night after that.

Thanks to all who for responded to my concerns about feeling victimized. I hope that you also remain safe and have a reliable support system in place. I've learned that abusers are simply cowards with insecurities. The judicial system, and the courts are definitely a joke because they do very little to protect victims of crime.

There was a "Dangerousness Hearing" scheduled the morning following my brutal assault. I was supposed to appear in court to testify against my abuser, but I was battered, and bruised beause of the severe beating. I was completely terrified, and could barely move without screaming in pain. So, I stayed home in fear of leaving the house, and facing my abuser in court.

I reflect on that moment, and wish that I had gone to that initial court hearing. This is because the judge would have seen all the physical damage and injuries which that "monster" inflicted upon me. He would have recieved an appropriate sentence, instead of one month.

It's ok that you didn't go to court that day! It's wrong that they would expect you in that state to convince them that this guy needed to be put away where he couldn't hurt anyone anymore. You needed to take care of yourself.

What I would suggest is doing anything and everything you can to empower yourself. Get firearm education and a gun and concealed carry permit. Make pepper spray accessible to yourself.
Get self-defense training. There are often free classes such as these offered. You can also look up online on how to very effectively secure your house.

I hope you never ever need to use these things and you might not, but they might help you psychologically feel empowered and protected. I'm sure there is lots of other good self-protection advice out there.

One thing many of us have experienced is that law enforcement often just does not do enough to protect us, and we have to do as much as we can to protect ourselves and get out of the victim situation.

Hang in there!

sabrina15 I can see how you might regret not turning up..But really, in that state it would have been foolish..So really you made the right decision at the time, and thats all any of us can try to do.

And true, what he did to you well deserved more than a month..What a sick dirty savage.

I can relate to the dreams also agentsmith..Big time..and I know now, that it was PTSD, it helped me alot to be able to name it. I had many recurring and very scary dreams about him coming 'get' me in the beginning..Yours also sound terrifying..I had a lot further harassment from him through my dreams/subconscious, because of the post trauma, from his abuse. Something else courts don't take into account.

Thank God I don't have those dreams anymore, especially since I have begun to convince myself that he is now 'done' with me..and I am beginning to feel safe again.

Though I still don't fully believe it, because I still sometimes imagine his rage at losing his control over me. Which I feel sure he still has, and is real..

We're up in court this month I am looking to get a maintenance order so that he will provide some support for our son. He has refused to pay a cent since we separated.

I know that he will be 'made' pay us something, as he has a pretty god job, and he is legally obliged to. But I think that this is also one of his last vestiges of 'control', and I know he's enjoying thinking of me struggling with great financial difficulty...(Of course he doesn't see that means our son is suffering also..).

But it does worry me that when he 'is' made pay, that he will have then lost this piece of control, that he has been clinging to, and holding dear..

Then I will likely worry again about what he will 'want' to try next?..

Part of me is actually looking forward to taking that last piece of control back from him..But it has got its very mixed elements..

Still he is further trying to victimise me, since he left, monetarily..and I a hoping the courts will address this..(though here it all depends on all their expendature needs also..and I might come out with nothing?)..Fingers crossed.

I still will be glad when its sorted, once and for all.