Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I went to see my Pastor and he said that I need to write a letter to my husband and state my boundaries. I did write the letter in which I told him that I need him to go to counceling once a week and also complete a class called Life skills. I also wrote that I need for him to join a group to give him some accountability in dealing with his addiction to porn and especially gay porn. I also wrote that I feel very disrepected when he views such things on our computer and it happens to be the same computer that our 11 year old son uses also. I am afraid that he will accidentally run across things that his Dad has viewed. I can not even stand for him to touch me and then that infuriates him and it all starts again. I can tell that he is getting angry again and the tension is building. It has only been a week and a half since his last explosion. They are getting closer and closer together. I am scared to read him the letter.
I completely agree with you. You do not want your 11 year old coming across porn. A few years ago, I turned on the computer and accidentally found a porn video stbx had downloaded. I have to tell you, I was disgusted. I guess because I thought he was above all that.
As for the explosions, make sure you have a safety plan. When he explodes, you need to leave. Have a place set up in advance where you can go - either a trusted friend or relative. If you think he could be in any way dangerous, phone a domestic violence shelter. They can give you a list of things to get ready and have in a safe place, should you actually have to leave the home for more than a few hours.
Hang in there, and keep posting when you need to.
Hugs and best wishes.
Best of luck.
I don't know your pastor but I can say that I think the idea of writing a letter to an abusive man is a good way to trigger another explosion from him. Maybe your pastor does not understand about abusive men.
I am telling you from experience. I used to write letters to my ex and the result would be hours and hours of him screaming and putting me down or him choking me.
The other thing is that if your husband professes to be straight and he is confronted in just the wrong way about his habit of watching gay porn, meaning he is at the least curious about being gay, he may really lose it. Be careful!
I went through this with my Ex. He flipped out when I confronted him about his teenage gay porn and I almost died.
There is a psychological term for it but I cannot remember what it is.
Be careful!
I had never heard of anything other than physical abuse before this weekend.
If I were in your position I would be afraid to read/give him the letter.
I'll pray for you cause I really don't know what to tell you other than were here for you.
Keep us posted and stay safe