Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
so i met him in vegas, 2008, fast forward horrendous relationship, broke up with him in vegas 2012 (poetic justice right?) we live in NY.
i work in an industry that he does and this July 28, i will go back to vegas for a trade show and come face to face with him, maybe on the plane, and def at the trade show
the last time we met face to face was in chicago, my reaction was numbness and pretty much a blank stare, cause i know by our history the more i talk/feed him, the worse off i am. and i dont break my professionlism to stoop to his level.
so i booked a diff hotel to avoid him (5) days we will be there, so i only have to technically deal w/him at the trade show
i cannot stress how much i still need closure on this, and i wonder if this is my final opportunity to just agree to say to him I FORGIVE YOU and close it out once and for all, when i left him in vegas, in that taxi ride to a/p, i vowed to never turn back, and i made that come true, but he still lives in my head, and that was 2012? whats it gonna take?
thanks everyone
i work in an industry that he does and this July 28, i will go back to vegas for a trade show and come face to face with him, maybe on the plane, and def at the trade show
the last time we met face to face was in chicago, my reaction was numbness and pretty much a blank stare, cause i know by our history the more i talk/feed him, the worse off i am. and i dont break my professionlism to stoop to his level.
so i booked a diff hotel to avoid him (5) days we will be there, so i only have to technically deal w/him at the trade show
i cannot stress how much i still need closure on this, and i wonder if this is my final opportunity to just agree to say to him I FORGIVE YOU and close it out once and for all, when i left him in vegas, in that taxi ride to a/p, i vowed to never turn back, and i made that come true, but he still lives in my head, and that was 2012? whats it gonna take?
thanks everyone
And on the other hand, you write that you want to tell him you forgive him and that you need closure on this. So why don't you write him a letter before you go with everything you have to say to him and don't send it or give it to him? That is for you to first observe what you have inside for him.
Telling him in person that you forgive him will NOT get him out of your head. Healing from abuse related trauma isn't about forgiving the abuser - at least not at first. That would come MUCH later. The total focus must be on you.
disi has a good idea about writing him a letter but not giving it to him. The letter can include things you will/do and won't/don't miss about him, how much he hurt you, etc. Then burn the letter & create a funeral like ceremony around it. You may have to write more than one letter. And that's ok. Just do NOT ever give him the letter(s).
You can also set your intentions that you will not run into him at the trade show. And just in case you do, have a quick exit plan in place.
You asked what its going to take to get him out of your head. It almost always takes therapy with a qualified counselor who understands the dynamics and affects of abuse (not all do) AND has additional training in trauma release and recovery from abuse.
~healing hugs~