Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hopefully by now you are all familiar with Ilene's Clarifying Card Exercise to identify and really visualize patterns of abuse.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/11590808-ilenes-clarifying-index-card-exercise
I started using the card exercise in a different way, to help me with my self-esteem issues, and found that it was extremely useful in this respect, too. I thought I would pass along this tip to others who struggle in this area.
I don't think I'm the only one who came through abuse with my self-esteem in tatters. If you hear often enough, over years, about how stupid and lazy and horrible you are, you start to believe it. It gets into your brain and sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I'd tried other self-esteem therapies in the past (like affirmations) and had limited results.
So I started putting good things about myself on cards, just like you put acts of abuse on cards for the original exercise. Then I sorted them into categories - right now I have one for the things I've accomplished in my work, and one for the good choices I've made for my kids, and one for all the work I've done on the house (stbx used to always tell me he did all the work around the house and I was lazy,) and one just for happy memories I've made with friends since he left to remind me I'm a fun person worth loving.
The effect is similar to the original exercise. When I start thinking, "I'm not really good at that," I can look at my STACK of cards that instantly tells me that thought is not true. I thought recently, "Oh, sure, maybe I am okay at fixing things around the house. I guess I've done a dozen things." Then I looked at the cards and there were over 100 cards there! If I ever start thinking I'm not a great mom, I just have to check my cards. It works really well!
I just thought this might be helpful for someone else :)
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical_Emotional_Abuse/forum/11590808-ilenes-clarifying-index-card-exercise
I started using the card exercise in a different way, to help me with my self-esteem issues, and found that it was extremely useful in this respect, too. I thought I would pass along this tip to others who struggle in this area.
I don't think I'm the only one who came through abuse with my self-esteem in tatters. If you hear often enough, over years, about how stupid and lazy and horrible you are, you start to believe it. It gets into your brain and sneaks up on you when you least expect it. I'd tried other self-esteem therapies in the past (like affirmations) and had limited results.
So I started putting good things about myself on cards, just like you put acts of abuse on cards for the original exercise. Then I sorted them into categories - right now I have one for the things I've accomplished in my work, and one for the good choices I've made for my kids, and one for all the work I've done on the house (stbx used to always tell me he did all the work around the house and I was lazy,) and one just for happy memories I've made with friends since he left to remind me I'm a fun person worth loving.
The effect is similar to the original exercise. When I start thinking, "I'm not really good at that," I can look at my STACK of cards that instantly tells me that thought is not true. I thought recently, "Oh, sure, maybe I am okay at fixing things around the house. I guess I've done a dozen things." Then I looked at the cards and there were over 100 cards there! If I ever start thinking I'm not a great mom, I just have to check my cards. It works really well!
I just thought this might be helpful for someone else :)
Good for you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Great thread.)
The Clarifying Index Card
exercise is only one of
several from the workbook
I authored and use in my
practice. Another exercise
I developed was, as you
also envisioned (great minds
think alike!) an exercise for
rebuilding self-esteem.
The name of my exercise is:
WOW IS ME!
Wow is Me requires that we recognize and acknowledge our own assets, abilities, attributes, accomplishments and achievements.
Write down, one item per card,
any accomplishment or achievement
about which you feel proud, now matter
how small you may think it sounds.
Also, one item per card, write down
anything that makes you feel:
Abundant, Accountable, Adventurous, Altruistic, Ambitious, Appreciative, Articulate, Artistic, Athletic, Attractive, Authentic
Balanced, Beloved, Bold, Buoyant
Cantankerous, Capable, Caring, Charismatic, Charitable, Cheerful, Communicative, Compassionate, Competent, Confident, Considerate, Creative, Curious
Daring, Delightful, Determined, Diplomatic, Discerning
Educated, Effective, Elegant, Enthusiastic, Ethical, Evanescent, Exhilarated, Extroverted
Fanciful, Feisty, Fierce, Fit, Flexible, Flirty, Focused, Friendly, Frugal, Fun-loving
Generous, Genuine, Gracious, Gregarious
Happy, Hard-working, Healthy, Honorable, Humane, Humble
Industrious, Ingenuous, Innocent, Innovative, Intelligent, Insightful, Integrated, Intense, Introspective
Jaunty, Jolly, Joyful, Judicious
Kind, Kissable, Knowledgeable
Learned, Light-hearted, Lovable, Loving, Loyal
Masterful, Mature, Meticulous, Mindful, Motivated, Mystical
Natural, Naughty, Noble
Open-minded, Optimistic
Passionate, Patient, Parental, Perspicacious, Playful, Political, Practical, Professional, Proficient, Proud, Prosperous
Qualified, Questioning, Quirky, Quizzical, Quotable
Rational, Realistic, Resilient, Resourceful, Respectful, Responsible, Ripened
Seasoned, Self-assured, Sensible, Sensitive, Serene, Sexy, Shapely, Silly, Sincere, Sociable, Spiritual, Stylish, Successful
Tactful, Talented, Temperate, Tenacious, Tender, Thorough, Thoughtful, Thrifty, Tidy, Tolerant, Tough
Understanding, Unique, Unstoppable
Valuable, Verbal, Victorious, Virtuous, Visionary, Vivacious, Voluptuous
Well-read, Wholesome, Wise, Witty, Whimsical, Wiley, Worldly, Worthwhile
Young-at-heart
Zany
(WOW IS ME is copyrighted material; 1999 to present)
I love all those words - what a happy read :)
You're such a great asset to this forum, thank you so much for the work you do!
I believe I posted this
exercise at some point
awhile back, but it was
high time it got another
viewing. Thank YOU
for the great reminder.
There's a reason why
I'm such a fan of using
index cards along with
other methods, like lists
or journaling.
One item on each index card
frames that piece of data. It
sets it apart on its own. That
single thing doesn't become
one of many other things. It
gets a moment to be considered
totally on its own.
Also, a stack of index cards
give a sense of volume in a
way that lists or journal pages
don't highlight.
I'm in the process of
organizing the workbook
I use with clients and in
the support circles I
facilitate, into something
that will be officially published,
not too far down the line.
In addition to the Clarifying
Index Card exercise, (which
was the first exercise I developed),
and Wow is Me, there are four others
that are designed to support and
guide the user back to full and
healthy self-possession.
But again. . . . . on your own
you envisioned the cards used
in a wonderful and effective
manner that supports your
recovery and growth.
Thanks for sharing your
self-caring actions in
this excellent thread.