Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Bad night tonight. I am surrounded by toxic people in this city I've grown up in and I've lived in. I feel alone. I want to call him and talk to him, I miss him so much. I don't have good friends, they say they hate him and I know they do, but they are so boy crazy themselves they don't care enough to talk me out of it... they are too busy getting drunk and going to bars and picking up guys themselves.
Walked home alone tonight, I didn't want to drink and go to the bar scene. too scared of running into him or his friends and my heart breaking all over again.
I think of how abusive and how horrible he was, and then I think of the good times. In the context of a night like this, with my friends not caring and allowing me to be alone, I feel even more alone without him. Do I miss him or am I just afraid to be alone completely? I have an urge to run back to him, to call him, or talk to him. I miss him so much, but I know how toxic he is. I need someone to tell me that. He's in my last post. I just feel so lonely and depressed. In therapy but that only works twice a week. I want out of this city but I can't because I'm in grad school. He used to be my everything. I have shitty friends and I no longer have him. I feel like I could evaporate from this earth and no one would know. I am putting him on a pedestal and missing him so bad right now because I feel so lonely.
Walked home alone tonight, I didn't want to drink and go to the bar scene. too scared of running into him or his friends and my heart breaking all over again.
I think of how abusive and how horrible he was, and then I think of the good times. In the context of a night like this, with my friends not caring and allowing me to be alone, I feel even more alone without him. Do I miss him or am I just afraid to be alone completely? I have an urge to run back to him, to call him, or talk to him. I miss him so much, but I know how toxic he is. I need someone to tell me that. He's in my last post. I just feel so lonely and depressed. In therapy but that only works twice a week. I want out of this city but I can't because I'm in grad school. He used to be my everything. I have shitty friends and I no longer have him. I feel like I could evaporate from this earth and no one would know. I am putting him on a pedestal and missing him so bad right now because I feel so lonely.
You say you're
getting counseling
and that's good.
The other piece here
is SELF-CARE. When
you get the hang of it,
self-care is the strategy
that lasts longer and
works better than
anything else!
Please give it a try.
It's helped many of
us tremendously.
Also, please look into
making some new
and better friends.
That will help, also.
Sending you hugs
and healing wishes.
You are in the best possible position to change the course of your future. You are in "grad school'!
Do you have any idea how "lucky" you are just to be writing that?
You have access to all kinds of people, organizations, etc. to pick from.
The world IS your oyster right now! Take a deep breath, jump into the ocean of opportunities at your feet, and go get you some new pearls, Girlfriend!
You can use your aloneness to your complete advantage and future benefit. Please don't waste any more of your precious supply of youth, talents or energies on those who should be put in your past.
You'll have to deal with them kind your whole life. Best to learn how to cut your losses and change your game ASAP.
Go cure cancer or something! :)
{{hugz}}
My son is 24 and is applying to med school. I know how stressful your life is right now because I see it in him and he's not at the point you are academically.
You deserve a good life, and one free from abuse. Take the time that you are thinking about your abuser and put it to good use. Go to the gym (perhaps your school has one at a discount), join a club at school, keep yourself busy. Sometimes when we get stressed we seek what's familiar, even when it's an abusive ex.
Don't go back. You deserve better!
I do agree with the others.
You say he was horrible and abusive. Then you say you miss the good times. I sincerely think you do NOT miss his abusive behavior. I believe you miss the good times and your fantasy was he would change and you could be happy forever.
Abusers almost always change for the worse over time and you are so lucky you left when you did. You do not deserve to be abused. You have your whole life ahead of you to decide who or what you really want. Please pick someone who will not be abusive. Listen to your gut.
(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))
I know what you're feeling. I'm nine months out and still "miss" him. In my head I know I don't really miss HIM. I miss the fantasy...the dream I had of the way I thought my life was going to be with him. I wish my head would explain that to my heart! Every time I get the urge to contact him I think about the way the scenario would actually play out if I did. I think about the fact that I can't believe anything he says. I think about the fact that I would probably see no emotion on his face or hear any emotion in his voice. I think about the fact that I would get absolutely no real answers from him, no closure and definitely no truth. Then in that moment I realize contacting him would not only be pointless, it could very likely become hurtful and I ask myself why would I want to do that to myself again? It doesn't make the sadness go away, but it does keep me from contacting him. Hang in there! Hugs!