Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I am reading book called "Why does he do that" and it is being very difficult. What I took for normal marrital behavior, is obviously not. I had no idea of what was normal or even what was happening until I stopped and looked at my life through the eyes of this book. why did I not know that physical intimidation and having things thrown at me or walls punched by my head was not ok. I just figured that at least he never hit me. I never relized that he turns everything around to be my fault or something that I should feel guilty about or work extra hard to make up for. Last night, I tried to open up to him and told him that I was not happy with who I have become. I feel that my life is ruled by guilt, shame, fear and other people. he somehow turned it around that I am not happy with him and no matter what he does it is just not good enough. How does it always come around to him even if it has nothing to do with him? He thinks that everything is about him. I am really screwed up
That's a good book there ~ it will help answer many of the questions you have, and help validate that it's not you with the problem, it's him.
Hugs
Yes. Bancroft has much of value to share
in that book.
Here's another valuable tip:
Going forward, don't "open up" to your abuser.
An abuser views the sharing of vulnerabilities
as an invitation to use those vulnerabilities
----- or feelings of ANY kind ----- to beat you
up further.
Last of all, you're not the one who's really screwed up.
HE is.
Why does it always come around to him? Because in his world, EVERYTHING, good and bad, is about him. Everything you say and everything you do is a comment on him. If you say someone (you or someone else) did something good, he hears you saying that he is not as good. If you say you are not happy about something, he hears you say that he's not good enough. Everything is always going to be about him.