Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have had my mother on my mind all day today. Did I hate my mom? No. Did I hate the things she did to me. Yes. Can I forgive her for those astrossities. I guess.
But I still ask myself why. I was a child. I was inocent. I was vaulerable and could not fight back. Today I have been thinking about the list of things she did over the years. Everything from pushing me down the steps and then running down those steps and kicking me in the stomach and face. While I screamed and begged for her to stop. Please mom, please your hurting me. She never heard my words. She never heard my pleas.
When she tied to me a chair and slapped me over and over. I said to her through all the tears. Why are you hurting me. I promised to be good. I promised to never do whatever it was I did to get in that chair, ever again. But she just kept hitting me. Then left me in the chair for hours. She never heard my words. She never heard my pleas.
But the one that screams from my very core and haunts me to this day. Is when she locked me in the dark closet and sat outside the door. And told me the only way I was ever going to get out of there was to pray to God. And ask him to forgive me for being born. And to ask him to forgive me for making her misserable and causing her to do the things she had to do. That was the moment I realized I was responsible for all that. I had caused it and made her do the things she did. It was something about me that brought the monster out of her.
It took me 15 yrs. to come to realize how twisted she had made my mind. She had convinced me that it was me. And I believed her. When I attempted suicide at 15 it was to remove myself from her life so she could finally be happy and I would no longer be hurt. . My twisted mind took all the blame and all the guilt for what my childhood was about.
The incest. Of course happened bacause I enticed my father, when I was 4. My twisted mind believed that too. And I had to spend years undoing that damage. And now my abusive deceased husband did what he did because it was me. I brought it on some how. I brought the monster out of him. Now to once again untwist my mind.
What is it about me that makes people want to hurt me? Why am always fair game. It doesn't suprise me I have so much trouble moving on. I have so much luggage weighing me down. And untwisting ones mind is not an easy task.
But I still ask myself why. I was a child. I was inocent. I was vaulerable and could not fight back. Today I have been thinking about the list of things she did over the years. Everything from pushing me down the steps and then running down those steps and kicking me in the stomach and face. While I screamed and begged for her to stop. Please mom, please your hurting me. She never heard my words. She never heard my pleas.
When she tied to me a chair and slapped me over and over. I said to her through all the tears. Why are you hurting me. I promised to be good. I promised to never do whatever it was I did to get in that chair, ever again. But she just kept hitting me. Then left me in the chair for hours. She never heard my words. She never heard my pleas.
But the one that screams from my very core and haunts me to this day. Is when she locked me in the dark closet and sat outside the door. And told me the only way I was ever going to get out of there was to pray to God. And ask him to forgive me for being born. And to ask him to forgive me for making her misserable and causing her to do the things she had to do. That was the moment I realized I was responsible for all that. I had caused it and made her do the things she did. It was something about me that brought the monster out of her.
It took me 15 yrs. to come to realize how twisted she had made my mind. She had convinced me that it was me. And I believed her. When I attempted suicide at 15 it was to remove myself from her life so she could finally be happy and I would no longer be hurt. . My twisted mind took all the blame and all the guilt for what my childhood was about.
The incest. Of course happened bacause I enticed my father, when I was 4. My twisted mind believed that too. And I had to spend years undoing that damage. And now my abusive deceased husband did what he did because it was me. I brought it on some how. I brought the monster out of him. Now to once again untwist my mind.
What is it about me that makes people want to hurt me? Why am always fair game. It doesn't suprise me I have so much trouble moving on. I have so much luggage weighing me down. And untwisting ones mind is not an easy task.
what you've
endured in your
life.
I hope you have
the support of a
qualified counselor.
Your mother hurt you
because she was
profoundly emotionally
injured or mentally ill.
She inflicted her injury
on you.
You WERE NOT
BORN with it.
Now, as an adult, it
is up to you, to get
that injury treated.
I hope you're already
doing that, or that
you'll consider doing
that now.
Please get the help
to which you're entitled.
Sending you hugs
and healing prayers.