I agree with that article, but of course as long as we're recognizing red flags and that sort of thing. But it is way easier said than done, especially after having experienced poor treatment and abuse.

I still struggle with trusting strangers that I didn't know before my last relationship became unbearable. But I will say that my feelings of fear and concern aren't nearly as intense as they were just months ago. I'm still analyzing a ton, but I'm refusing initial interactions less. I know therapy will be recommended, however I'm seeing that time also has a bit to do with it, too.

I had serious trust issues for as long as I can remember & I always ended up with 'untrustable' people (i.e. husband and even girl friends).

What I have discovered thru hypnotherapy is that the reason I didn't trust others is because I didn't trust myself.

And while I agree with the article about allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, we must FIRST be vulnerable with OURSELVES (before we are vulnerable around others). We have to do the work within.

No human being is totally trustable. That's because we all make mistakes. (However, I'm not including abuse as being a mistake.)

Since no one is 100%, we always risk being hurt. However, that's still w/in our control if we,

1. trust our inner knowing (i.e. what some call intuition, gut instincts, etc.) Our inner knowing will never lead us astray. Our brain and our analyzing and our old tapes that we were taught as kids and even in church (like give them another chance...blah blah blah) are NOT our inner knowing. The way you know is to LISTEN TO YOUR BODY. If you feel ill at ease, anxious, fear, etc., then your inner knowing is telling you to bew

PS, if you want to learn more about vulnerability, check out Brene Brown's work. Search her on Ted Talks, maybe youtube and read her books. Vulnerability is crucial, but not w/o first doing your work as she herself explains in one of her Ted Talks.

Definitely a tough one for sure. Abuse shakes us to the core whether emotionally or physically. Even when in a healthy place it's still hard to trust.

I am so fortune enough to have found someone who is healthy and none abusive and to trust that I won't be hurt or to trust that what I was made to believe and feel about myself is not going to happen again is where my issues come in. My insecurities because of what happened to me make me so scared. Part of my abuse was that I am not good enough of a wife or woman and 20 years of this really makes me scared of feeling that way again, even if the guy I'm seeing has in no way given me any reason to think he will. It's me, it's in my head and to balance those thoughts and not let them flow into this relationship is what has me so scared.

My therapist is helping me but I still have worries. Sharing the article was meant more for knowing it's possible to trust again. That gives me great hope.

I should add, as a great example of being able to trust again, my mother had been in two very abusive marriages before meeting my father. It took her some time to allow him "in," but he was very patient with her. He's overall a very wonderful man, and they are still together after over 34 years with no bad ending in sight. Sure they had some ups and downs, but they do have a great relationship, simply because they're both very caring people. They're out there, other people that won't ever let you down on purpose, it's just figuring out how to weed out the bad ones so it's the good ones that get your energy.

i HAVE A FRIEND that whenever i go to her house i feel exhausted and ill

i am pretty sure she's an abuser but she has been really supportive of me

its only when we're alone at her house i have these feelings the rest of the time shes great
amazingly supportive

toughy

but and my point was...i will be trusting my gut and not getting in any deeper with her

Definitely trust your gut. If someone/something makes you feel bad, something's not okay.