Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Divinespirit 07/30/2010

I left in February...courts kept me in province and now have to deal with him with kids and visitation....He knew I could not afford a lawyer so, I cut back my demands...he won't change and I will not try to force that again ever,
I stayed in town extra time and let him know that we were here , at first it was I will take any time I can...now its "Its not my weekend I have plans" and "You must not have a sitter " "just want to go out"...and I should get real...He has Life now!!!...not with me!!! Forgetting I left him again and has to move forward so changing plans to include your children is too much to ask I am such a cow!!!
As if...kay now doubts are gone! for today as his reactions wont change...ever they will always come back to blame me for his lack of responsibility...so I guess I can breathe easy because all the power I gave him as a guardian...well still have a choice on that I can go to trial, but what for? He will be around when it suits him and not use or care that he has/ was given a gift...why would I think he ever would acknowledge that

I just reread an awesome booklet that helped too...

Its called Honouring Resistance: How Women Resist Abuse in Intimate Relationships, you can find it at this site below under publications
http://www.calgarywomensshelter.com

seriously why would you not want to see your babies after fighting so hard supposedly for them??

Livndadrem 07/31/2010

Often the fight isn't about seeing the kids, it's about the fight, and winning. Once they have won the fight, then the subject matter of the fight isn't too important any more, even if it's their own kids.

Sick but true.

FarAndAway 07/31/2010

Yeah, not about the kids. It's about punishing YOU. You dared to leave because of his bad behavior, which simply proves that it's all your fault. I'm in the same boat. Sucks.

deleted_user 07/31/2010

My experience is, once I leave I just got more of the same from the first H just in a different way. The manipulation, the threats, the with holding and blocking are all still there just expressed through other means.

Did it piss me off? You bet. Using the kids to get to me is just wrong, since I was the one making sure they had as healthy environment as possible. Of course I wanted their dad in their life, and I was still being the peace keeper... at all cost, and it made me crazy... again.

Letting my kids be disappointed in their father for what HE was doing was the hardest thing I had to do.

p.s. thanks for the link

deleted_user 07/31/2010

It was probably to get back at you, to hurt you.
My "Abusive" ex-husband was like that.
Thanks for sharing the Link to the Booklet, I am going to check it out.

Divinespirit 08/01/2010

I know he is feeling powerless and the need to control me is too strong in him not to resist, but the SOB pulled me back in, I reacted and then felt like I had not moved forward as he said I have not changed never will..etc etc...however I am resisting the urge to fix this stiuation and see if I can talk "sense" into him so tha this will all go away...it won't he has no desire to change...he doesnt feel the need to since I was the problem as he sees it...I guess the more I stay away and learn to not engage the more his facade will crumble around him or he will do as he threatens and give up parental rights and just keep it going by saying I won't let him see them or I took off...really when I think it through a gesture of goodwill on my part is bad for his image and he would have to turn it around into a selfish act by me...anything to keep himself the poor poor victim of this crazy mean woman who left town with his kids...for of course my own selfish reasons...not anyone's best interests...we have pre trial on Thursday and new agreement was going to be asked for as opposed to trial...I will now go to trial...without a lawyer unfortunately but he knew that if anything but respect came my way, that trial would proceed....for once the silent treatment he has chosen after his freak outs is sooo welcome

deleted_user 08/02/2010

The good news Divine is that the abuser will disintegrate quickly once he doesn't have a victim. He will probably scramble to find another person to take your place so he can keep his s**t together.

When he falls apart... stay away... don't fall for the traps to get you back.. just sit back and enjoy the show.

And, don't be surprised if he finds another woman/victim/ally very quickly. He'll think he's being clever when this woman sides with him, and gangs up on you. Don't fall for it, if it should come to that.
Just know that she's being the sucker!

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