Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Trip with or without Mom?

BriaLeCiriox
BriaLeCiriox
I recently got invited to go on a trip abroad. I can bring family or friends with me. My SO cannot go with me, but my mother said if I wanted someone to come with me, she was more than happy to go. We have had a sorted relationship, and have started to get to a better place. I am just afraid if I take her with me that she will try to boss me around or take over the trip. She said that she would be coming as a friend, but I am very conflicted. Thoughts?
9y1ing
9y1ing
IDK the details, but I would never go on a trip with anyone other than my BFF or equivalent. Trips either bring out the best or the worst in relationships never in-between.
bottledbreath
bottledbreath
If there's any risk, it's probably not worth it. While I am all about giving people chances when they've shown true effort and things are looking decent, your fears are there for a reason. Once enough time has passed and things are still good between the two of you, you won't have doubt in your mind. No sense stressing yourself out during your trip over what may happen.

I'm just saying what I would do in that situation. Only you know what's absolutely best for you and the relationship you have with your mother. Just keep in mind that your comfort is paramount when making that decision, and if she's truly joining you as a friend, she needs to respect that.
MendingToday
MendingToday
Go, challenge yourself from what you have learned. My mom took me and my kids to Disney world it was the best trip I ever had and I will never forget it..
MyTrueColors
MyTrueColors
Trust your intuition. Listen to your body. When you think about going w/her, do you feel anxious, fearful, stressed out? Or do you feel those anticipatory feelings of looking forward to the trip?

Our body never lies. Our brain & ego will lie to us. It will rationalize and override our instincts.

List to your body. When you think about going on the trip w/your mom, do you feel anxious, fearful, stressed out? Or do you have those feelings of anticipatory excitement about looking forward to being with her (NOT the trip)?

I am assuming that since you posted this in the abuse group that your mom was abusive. Abusive people don't change over night. Actually the majority of abusers don't change at all for the better. Oh they can act better for a short while, but over the long run (years), its rare that they don't revert back to their abusive behavior.

The other thing to consider is have you been doing any long term therapy? Do you have good coping skills? Do you get triggered easily? If you answered no to either of the first two questions, then I would suggest passing on inviting your mom.

As long as you are questioning yourself. I would say it wouldn't be worth risking it. JMHO.

One final thought. Do you have to take someone with you? Could you hang w/the rest of the group? That way you could still have the experience and not have to worry about what mom will or won't do.