Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've been tempted many times to break contact but have managed to stay no contact for four months since he discarded me.
Lately though, many people i know including a close friend have had break ups and got back together with their boyfriend and are happier than ever. I'm trying to be happy for them but it's making no contact so difficult when i hear about their stories.. I remember how hopeful i felt when he came back only to use me and leave again and i almost childishly think it isn't fair, that all these other people can be happily reunited whilst i got treated badly and left again. Why didn't it work out for me.. I know it won't happen for me but it's making me want to contact him more than ever.
Just venting.
Lately though, many people i know including a close friend have had break ups and got back together with their boyfriend and are happier than ever. I'm trying to be happy for them but it's making no contact so difficult when i hear about their stories.. I remember how hopeful i felt when he came back only to use me and leave again and i almost childishly think it isn't fair, that all these other people can be happily reunited whilst i got treated badly and left again. Why didn't it work out for me.. I know it won't happen for me but it's making me want to contact him more than ever.
Just venting.
i totally get where you are coming from. as others suggested to me, have you done Ilene's clarifying cards exercise? someone bumped it up to the top of the discussion list recently, so it should be available.
doing the exercise of writing down all the ways he hurt you can really help in moments where you are remembering the "dream" of how you wanted the relationship to be as opposed to the reality of how it was.
(((hugs)))
The other thing to keep in mind with what has happened to the others is that it is almost certainly one of two things, in each case. Either the relationship wasn't abusive and they have managed to iron out their problems, or the relationship was abusive and the abuser has managed to hoover the victim, who is now in the midst of the honeymoon phase and will regret their decision soon enough, when the abuse ramps up worse than it was before.
It is not your fault that your relationship doesn't fall into the former category. It's not your fault that he doesn't have the humanity himself to see you as more than a mere conquest - that is HIS issue, HIS problem, HIS failing and HIS weakness.
Please do the Index Card exercise, remember all the things he did to hurt you both times that you were together. And remind yourself that, in each and every instance, he chose to do that to you. Not because you aren't good enough, not because you aren't worthy of a loving relationship - but because HE isn't.
And feel free to vent here any time - we get it.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
What is important right now is to have a healthy support system in place for yourself. Vent on here all you want, read books about abuse to validate that self doubt that you may have, write in a journal, talk to a therapist, go out, take a walk, etc. In time these feelings will pass (I swear).
Be kind to yourself right now and don't forget to give yourself credit because you have gone 4 months without contact! That is not easy and I think you deserve to pat yourself on the back!