It's a bit long but really made me understand what I was living with..(No I will not say whom after reading the traits I truly believe he was NOT HUMAN...


A Profound Lack Of Self Love

In the myth of Narcissus, the hero fell in love with his own reflection. On the surface it may seem he was madly in love with himself. But look deeper. He was in love with his reflection. This reflection was not his true self. The very fact he fell in love with the illusionary part of himself meant he was not capable of loving his true self. To escape these disowned unacceptable parts a narcissist scripts and creates an image of himself that he can tolerate.

This image is a grandiose version, a version of him that is admired, adored and respected by others. He needs to be unique and he hates to be one of the crowd or normal. In order to maintain this image the narcissist will go out of his way to be noticed, admired and liked by others. He is very capable or procuring admiration by offering his skills and services and boasting about his talents and accomplishments. To gleam praise from others he will appear very helpful and generous. This is initially, and only to people that are not in his common and familiar life. Thus an individual connected with a narcissist long term is confused and very misunderstood by the acquaintances that proclaim hes a great guy, when living with a street angel / home devil. Interestingly many of these acquaintances will be temporary and short lived. As soon as the narcissist is not receiving the initial praise and recognition he craves, the relationship will dry up, or the narcissist will disappear fearful that the individual will discover the truth. In many cases the relationship being based on false currency (non-genuine giving) simply doesnt survive.


Being Kicked When You're Down

No matter what the outer world initially sees, the narcissists depth of empathy and support is extremely shallow, If there is no pay off of constant admiration the support becomes no-existent and unavailable. In fact the narcissist has to spend so much energy mining acceptance from outside of himself he has very little reserves to give genuinely (without agenda) to others.


Manic Mood Swings

Its important to understand the narcissist is not always nasty and can be truly delightful. This makes this condition very confusing. When he is feeling full of recognition and getting what he wants from life you could not imagine a happier more delightful, funny, loving and charismatic person. This is part of the manic depressive condition caused by narcissism. When he is high in life, he is high on narcissistic supply the false currency (energy mined from outside of him) that fills him full of good feelings and self-worth.

This feed lifts him out of the depression of his damaged and tortured self. Because this feeling full is in stark contrast to his natural state, he feels euphoria and great relief. He feels power-ful (rather than power-less) and makes the most of these feelings. No different to an alcoholic or drug addict who has hit the apex of the binge or the hit. This state is precarious and temporary. When the high reaches its peak the dangerous low is close behind. Narcissism is bi-polar in its intensity. Many people that have lived or are living with an individual who has Narcissistic Personality Disorder know the sudden lows that come after the highs. Sometimes within minutes of being a fun-loving delight the individual becomes dark, moody and angry. The mood is like a black ink that permeates everything surrounding it. Then the walking on broken glass begins.


Lack Of Responsibility For Own Feelings

The narcissist has an inability to take responsibility for his bad feelings. For him to acknowledge he is down is terrifying and means admitting feelings of emptiness and powerlessness. Psychologically this spells emotional and mental annihilation. The narcissists false self is his survival, and quite literally he will lose everything in his life (and even his physical life) before giving up the desperate grip on maintaining the facade.
Inevitably his bad feelings are someone elses responsibility, because he cannot claim these feelings as his own. Im feeling bad, therefore it must be your fault The bouts of battering and blaming another individual (often the love partner) continue until the narcissist has been able to mine another hit of narcissistic supply (the much needed drug of attention).
The narcissist, who has denied his true damaged self, operates in two main dimensions:
1. Pulling compliments and attention (even negative attention if positive attention is not forthcoming) to feel more important and worthy, or
2. Projecting anger and pain outside of himself at the closest person / people.


Co-Dependents Make Easy Targets

Compliant co-dependents believe in unconditional love. They will tolerate being damaged and feel sorry for the other person, yet in reality co-dependents are terrified about laying boundaries and taking control of their own lives. Boundary function is imperative protection against a narcissistic individual. Co-dependents love so much it hurts; whereas their self-development lies in learning to love themselves enough to stop the pain. When a co-dependent teams up with a narcissist (and many do) they will have their scant boundaries disintegrated and end up tolerating behaviour and abuse that they never thought they would. They will try again and again to prove their love, devotion and loyalty to the narcissist, all the way to their self-demise. Why is this exercise futile? Because the narcissist who cannot accept themselves (and has deep self-loathing) cant accept love, intimacy and commitment from another, and is powerless to grant and sustain these commodities with another. Its an impossibility to give inner resources that simply dont exist.



The Child That Didn't Emotionally Grow Up

The narcissists emotional maturity development has become paralysed somewhere between the age of five and seven years of age. Narcissists dont have the ability to have observing ego, therefore they are prone to knee jerk reactions that are aggressive, abusive, violent, and vengeful that emotionally stable and healthy adults simply dont do. The narcissist doesnt learn how his behaviour affects others people, despite the people he loses, or the disasters he creates.
There is always a justification or an excuse for the behaviour. The classic narcissistic admittance of bad behaviour is: I did it because I was angry and the narcissist truly believes this is reason enough, regardless of the damage, distrust and consequences created. Empathy is virtually non-existent toward the severely damaged individuals lined up during a tirade. Trust me its not personal: sadly narcissists simply dont have the inner resources to feel anything but their own pain.



The Art Of Manipulation

Interestingly many narcissists are highly intelligent and extremely street smart. They have been expertly hiding their damaged emotional self and navigating life with acute perception and mental analysis of their environment. Many narcissists know exactly how and when to appeal and what manipulative tactic is going to work best in which situation. High level narcissists are incredibly intuitive, manipulative, criminally minded and very dangerous.




"The World Owes Me"

Many narcissists have a very loose and unaccountable life. Rules and regulations mean conforming to society and being normal and the narcissistic is horrified about being non-unique. This leads to a precarious life of attaining image and attention regardless of consequences. There is limited compliance to the needs of individuals, groups, businesses or government when the narcissist is operating from his entitlement agenda.
Many narcissists have a superior image to the uninformed: fancy clothes, cars, homes and accessories, (or at the very least they expect to be recognised for their capabilities if results are not yet attained), however scratch just under the surface and there is a literal minefield of disasters waiting to happen. Narcissists consistently attract problems and severe consequences into their life. Life is chaotic and often disastrous.



Pathological Jealousy, Lies and Insecurity

One of the most obvious symptoms of high level narcissism is intense jealousy and severe sexual perversion and insecurities. Narcissistic behaviour can incur verbally and physically violent (and even murderous) jealousy, and extreme degradation of the opposite sex. Male narcissists are often misogynists. They desperately seek women yet inwardly despise them. These men are totally turned on by extreme sexuality yet are perversely disgusted by attractive female attributes, believing women are promiscuous, sexually manipulative and attention seeking. The male narcissist will often play out a deep subconscious mother-revenge by running his female partner into the ground. He will destroy her self-esteem, femininity and sexuality piece by piece.
Another symptom of narcissism is pathological lying. Purposeful lying is narcissist and is born from a need to manipulate in order to control. This characteristic began at a very early age. The narcissist never matured to the level where he accepted essential emotional truths: lying creates distrust and separation with others. It destroys relationships.
To be honest (and therefore vulnerable) terrifies the narcissist. He fears this will equate to being controlled by others. He needs to uphold lies so people dont discover the truth of who he really is. The narcissist finds comfort in not being pinned down, and not being accountable. More lies are necessary to cover up a previous lie. The pathological lies become malignant and the high-level narcissistic scripting an illusionary life begins to believe his own versions. This is why pathological lying is so hard to detect. Additionally the narcissist doesnt suffer a guilty conscience. He believes hes entitled to lie. Its the only way he knows how to operate in a world of me versus you without the emotional resources to trust. The tragic thing is: narcissists genuinely believe everyone else thinks and feels exactly the way they do. They dont trust anyone.



Trying To Monitor The Narcissist In Order To Survive

One of the major arsenals in the narcissistic repertoire of weapons is a condition inflicted on love partners known as repetitive compulsion disorder. A victim of narcissistic projections and behaviours can become seriously psychologically confused and deranged, often to the level of a total psychotic or suicidal breakdown.
This occurs because the narcissist is a bag of tricks. They are spontaneous, erratic and totally unpredictable. When connected to a narcissist you dont know what to expect. He may tell you one thing and then do another. Something you discussed and agreed on two hours ago will be dismissed. Its as if you never had the conversation. The idea he had yesterday has changed in preference of something else today. What he agreed to do for you he wont even admit to discussing. Something that you thought was a normal everyday function of responsibility is intolerable to him. He offers to be reliable one minute and totally lets you down the next. He will twist and turn facts and create imaginary allies to back up Im right and youre wrong. He will tell intricate and explicit lies. You shake your head in bewilderment because you couldnt fathom an adult lying in such detail unless it was the truth, and whats more he doesnt care who he degrades, damages or discredits in the lies. Guess what? The major enemy that he discredits to his family and colleagues is you. He will muster sympathy and attention from all that will listen regarding the intolerable suffering of his relationship.
Love partners feel a heightened state of anxiety. There is no ability to feel safe under these conditions. A great deal of focus is placed on the narcissist. Good attention or bad attention it makes little difference. The narcissist is receiving attention: and to him this makes him feel important. He feels powerful in the knowing that he can affect another individual to such a degree. He also knows he can now control his love partner, because the more she focuses on what he is or isnt doing the more she loses her identity, her pastimes, her friends and her life. Before she knows it her boundaries have crumbled and she has lost all self-resources, energy and power to identify the behaviour, pull away and protect herself. The more powerless she feels, the more he believes he is powerful.
Before long she may start manically checking up on him, ringing him constantly, crying, pleading and trying to gain comfort and support from him. When this cycle intensifies he has her controlled. He can treat her appallingly and she will always be attached to him trying to win his love, protection, honesty and support. Please understand what is so frightful: by association women see their love partner as their rock, their support and their backbone and this is soul-destroying when you believe the very person destroying you is this man. Welcome into the deadly capes of Count Dracula where the cruelty, contempt and malicious delight begins.



"But He Was So Wonderful..."

Be very aware that in the honeymoon period of love the narcissist will be an absolute delight, for a period of weeks or even months. A narcissistic relationship commonly starts as a whirlwind romance if he decides he wants you as his partner. You will be wined, dined, bought and wooed. You will be so in love that you wont be able to see straight. Take note of the expression too good to be true.
If youre at all suspect retain your interests, and make sure you implement them in your life.
Have male friends and see how he reacts. Is he emotionally secure enough to allow you to direct your attention to other areas of your life apart from him?
Look out for discrepancies. If he brags about his accomplishments and credentials check with people who have known him long term. Ascertain his history in regard to stable employment, credit ratings and friendships.
What is his relationship track record? Does he still have healthy and appropriate contact with past relationships? Ask his opinion in regard to chauvinism, and the way men treat women. What are his feelings regarding verbal and physical violence to women and jealousy? Does he have a loving relationship with his mother? How does he feel about trust and respect for a partner?
Be vigilant to sexually inappropriate behaviour toward you, such as early questioning of your sexual past, or if he starts to treat you as an image or an object. Is he capable of gentle and caring love making, or does he seem detached and aggressive? Does he call you names that refer to your sexual parts?



Becoming The Object Of Destructive Love

Narcissism is the ultimate experience of objectification. To this type of person you are not a person with feelings. You are a source of narcissistic supply, and all shows of love, affection and empathy are constructed to lure you as this source. Ultimately you are not a person, you are a thing to feed off and sustain his existence. When you are finished with the narcissist, he will find another source and another and then another. The cycle doesnt end. Just like the vampire who has to destroy every person it needs to sustain itself, the narcissist lives this perpetual nightmare of bleeding dry everything and everyone in order to exist. Again and again he faces his worst horror story; being unlovable and abandoned.
According to most psychological experts the narcissist who has never undergone the long process of rebuilding their childhood emotional intelligence, ends up destitute, broken, and alone. The people and objects they want cannot survive long term in their presence.