Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
After Sunday and visiting with my male friend that I have a bit of a crush on but have never let on about my feelings, I thought it would help me to move past my hang ups about the ex abuser. Unfortunately, I see I apparently have a ways to go. We had bad thunderstorms, high winds, hail and some tornadoes pass through our state, and well, honestly it made me worry about anyone I cared about in any capacity who was in the danger zones. As his area was affected and I heard on the news that some buildings around his area had been damaged, I texted a mutual friend of ours to make sure she was ok and also is she had heard from him.
I know that is a form of contact of sorts...I am not proud about it, but it unnerved me so bad worrying something might happen to him as he lives alone with just him and the cat and well sometimes he does not take care of himself, when he is using, I worry about him. She lives real close and hears from him pretty regularly so I knew she could text him and find out without raising suspicion.
She said she would check, then texted she did not hear anything back, did I want her to drive to his place? I texted "No that is ok, I am sure he is ok, maybe just busy or sleeping, I will just be sure to include him in my prayers. (this is a true statement as I do at times) She texted back ok, and also texted that it was ok that I was worried, she understood and for me to be safe as well, as our weather was very bad as well. Told me to take care and that she cared about me.
Anyway, I guess, I am hoping I can trust that talking to her, I can trust that she is keeping our discussions between us and that she just had his safety at heart as well. I have asked her to not let him know that I have asked about him or his welfare and I am being trusting of her.
It bothers me that I have any concern about him as a person though.
I wish I could just shut off my emotions like a switch like he seems to be able to do.
For instance, he did not call to check on me and my safety. So I just hope he does not find out that I was weak enough to do so for him.
I know that is a form of contact of sorts...I am not proud about it, but it unnerved me so bad worrying something might happen to him as he lives alone with just him and the cat and well sometimes he does not take care of himself, when he is using, I worry about him. She lives real close and hears from him pretty regularly so I knew she could text him and find out without raising suspicion.
She said she would check, then texted she did not hear anything back, did I want her to drive to his place? I texted "No that is ok, I am sure he is ok, maybe just busy or sleeping, I will just be sure to include him in my prayers. (this is a true statement as I do at times) She texted back ok, and also texted that it was ok that I was worried, she understood and for me to be safe as well, as our weather was very bad as well. Told me to take care and that she cared about me.
Anyway, I guess, I am hoping I can trust that talking to her, I can trust that she is keeping our discussions between us and that she just had his safety at heart as well. I have asked her to not let him know that I have asked about him or his welfare and I am being trusting of her.
It bothers me that I have any concern about him as a person though.
I wish I could just shut off my emotions like a switch like he seems to be able to do.
For instance, he did not call to check on me and my safety. So I just hope he does not find out that I was weak enough to do so for him.
(((hugs)))
You worry about him because this is someone you have been emotionally invested in for a long time. You are a kind and caring person, it is only natural to feel emotion...
My therapist shared a great piece of wisdom... You do not have to maintain contact with someone to hold them in your prayers or thoughts. Offer up ypur thoughts, prayers and love for this person (and any other person who is not healthy to have in your life), and trust in God, spirit or life to take care of them. Repeat as necessary!
I am not sure if you can or cannot trust your friend, but I am not sure it matters. Who cares what his reaction is... Life is about YOU right now, it has been about him long enough! I know this easiee said than done!
I try to focus on the things my ex has done wrong to me, what he has done to hurt and betray my trust in him... Then I think, would he be thinking of me in this situation? The answer is always no... I still have a lot of guilt over leaving him, but I feel less guilty when I know he would not be caring for me in the same way!
You did nothing wrong, forgive yourself and move on! :)
Keep up the good work and take good care of you.
((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))