Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, today, my dad asked me if i wanted to hang out and socialize this weekend. Go to our favorite arcade and then go to the craft fair the next day. And while normally i'd love to i'm just realizing and working through so many repressed feelings. I think it would be too awkward around him right now. I would just have this underlying anger that would kill the good time i'm having.
My father was manipulative and passive-aggressive. I haven't been around him enough lately to know if he still is. But I don't want to risk falling back into old ways of being compliant and serving now. So even though as much as i'd like to go i'm going to have to decline. I haven't talked to any of my family about the whole emotional abuse stuff. I'm too afraid they'll think badly of me for accusing my parents of abuse because "they're such good people".
I'm not really sure there is anyone in my family I can trust to talk to about this. I guess that's why I've mostly turned to you, other than my boyfriend and best friend.
My father was manipulative and passive-aggressive. I haven't been around him enough lately to know if he still is. But I don't want to risk falling back into old ways of being compliant and serving now. So even though as much as i'd like to go i'm going to have to decline. I haven't talked to any of my family about the whole emotional abuse stuff. I'm too afraid they'll think badly of me for accusing my parents of abuse because "they're such good people".
I'm not really sure there is anyone in my family I can trust to talk to about this. I guess that's why I've mostly turned to you, other than my boyfriend and best friend.
You might possibly be struggling with guilt (I tend to feel guilty when I distance myself from my mom who is mostly self-absorbed). When I feel guilty for this reason I remind myself that there are consequences for our behavior. When we choose to make bad choices consequences are a part of life. Without them we would have little or no motivation to change.
Maybe at some point you could have an honest talk with your dad about what affect his behavior has had on you. Perhaps there might be a time when you could spend some time with him and use this time as a "practice time" in dealing with destructive people. It can be used as an opportunity for you in this way and not just something you feel you have to do for his sake. Not meaning you need to have a benefit to spend time with him but that you could take solace in that if you are feeling like you're giving in somehow by spending time with him at all. Hope that makes sense, I'm getting a little sleepy! :-)
What would be your motivation for wanting to speak to your family? Is it to not hide it anymore? Is it to have them understand? Is there anyone open to hearing something like this that you feel there would be a chance of it being safe? From what you said you are really questioning this. It is very toxic to a person to not live in truth and I'm not sure how close the family members are that you are considering talking to but I can certainly understand feeling like a fraud or being uncomfortable pretending your reality is different than it really is.
If you do decide to confide in someone I have found that I try to steer clear of the word "abuse" in an initial conversation. People seem to be understanding of physical abuse but anything else it seems that many people look at the word abuse as a drama word or something and discredit you from the get go. Something I've said to a few people who are safe people is something along these lines... "I have never felt right about xxxx happening with xxxxx and I have recently come to understand that this actually was considered abuse. I have also learned that in order for me to heal from this it is important that I am honest with people about what really happened."
I hope you get some clarity on who (if any) family members would be safe to talk to.