Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I posted my story of what happened if you all would like to know. its been 2 weeks since i grabbed my kids, packed my belongings and i left my home since i found out he cheated on me YET AGAIN with the same person as last time! I don't even know why I feel sad. I guess its just one of those days. I could NOT SHAKE the feeling off no matter how hard i tried. I get mad at myself because he does not even deserve to be a thought in my head. 6 years passed and the only things that have changed are the days and the fact that i now have children other than that nothing has changed. Still the emtionally abusive, unappreciative, ungrateful asshole i met when i was 17. so what makes me want him so bad? I HAVE NO IDEA. what makes me want my family so bad? I HAVE NO IDEA!
I keep having dreams about him. i dont know if that is what's causing my moods. (sadness, anger) I didnt have them before and its like now thats all i dream about. HIM! I dream that we are in our home "happy" "normal" and than i would wake up eventually fall asleep and its like i dream about what our current situation is now. In my dream i tell him "how could you do this to me again, another year, i thought we were moving forward and doing better, how could you hurt me, cheat on me, why wont you ever love me" AND THAN I WAKE UP and stay up because i dont want to dream again! i've been having these dreams for a full week now. I wake up in the mornings lay in bed and start to cry, and have to PUSH myself to get up for work although all i want to do is never get up. I have to put a smile on my face so that my kids do not see me cry or see me sad. I try so hard not to blame myself and wonder why, if hes happier with the other girl, if he ever loved me. Why have i done so bad in my life to deserve this? I guess part of it is my fault for allowing all his mistreatment, abuse, cheating from the moment ive met him (6 years ago). I always stuck around regardless of what hes done to me and some stuff were PRETTY BAD(i've always stood loyal to him) I almost felt like i needed him, i just needed him to be with me so bad. I just accepted anything he did to me because i guess having him in my life regardless of what hes done was better than not having him in my life at all. He was my first real relationship, my first everything. Im a fool!
I look back at things.. all our years together and realized he has caused me more pain than happiness. ALL THE PAIN HES CAUSED ME. everything i've done for him. I WAS GOOD TO HIM, I NEVER EVER TURNED MY BACK ON HIM. I WAS LOYAL. AND this is what i get in return. i thought as soon as we got our house things were starting to look up. i guess i was just fooling myself. I wanted things to be good SO BAD! I think i miss him? i dont know what i feel. I miss having my family together, not that we were ever together, he constantly left me alone. i always had to beg for his time. I was pratically a single mother already. i just know i feel so sad. I wish he could go through this rather than me. I'm sad for my children because he has yet to reach out to see his children. he makes his mom reach out to me to see how their doing. (his mom condones all his actions and babies him. she never sees wrong in his actions) He has to MUCH PRIDE! i have to be the one kissing ass, reaching out to him, considering his feelings, looking for him ALL THE ABOVE! I guess hes used to it because thats all IVE EVER DONE but this time I REFUSE TO! i need to let go and move on and keep telling myself i deserve better and that i dont need him.I HAVE TO ACTUALLY BELIEVE IT!
Just one of those days.. and i pray tomorrow is a better day and pray that i snap out of this because THIS IS A BLESSING. His loss not mine. i just refuse to see it that way. I ALWAYS HOLD ON TO THE LITTLE GOOD THAT HE DOES AND TRY TO PUSH/HIDE AWAY THE REAL ASSHOLE HIM, HIS TRUE COLORS. My kids deserve to see me happy and not the crying/sad "momma" anymore. I refuse to settle for this bullshit another year. I for once would like to see and feel what its like to actually be truly happy regardless if its alone or with someone down the line. im done settling for less. iM WORTH MORE!
IM TRYING! ALTHOUGH IT SEEMS THAT IM NOT. Some days i feel ok and some days i feel so depressed its almost seems ill never get over this. I take a step forward and than i take steps back missing him. (like today) sometimes i worry how im going to pick the pieces back up and get back on my feet. I dont know where to start or where to begin, but i have faith ill get through this. (currently crying) The word stressed or depressed does not even explain what i feel its much more than that. i just gotta push through for my kids. I will never know why hes hurt me so bad nor will i ever understand because i was good to him what every man would want. and i just have to accept that.
Praying for better days
I guess attachment is a powerful thing to end sometimes, and painful to navigate
Sending you lots of love and support, you do deserve a good guy, don't let the rotten eggs keep you down
I know it is hard now but it sounds to me like you are doing the right thing by forcing yourself to face his abusive behavior instead of forgetting it and reminding yourself how negative that relationship was. I have been making a great effort to do this myself and it is helping to keep my head on straight and not get sucked back in.
Maybe going to therapy can help you to get over everything...I am thinking about going myself.
One statement I have told my daughter comes to mind. It is "you can't find Mr. Right if you spend all your time with Mr. Wrong". Now I just need to remember that myself...maybe you too.
I hope you start feeling better soon.
and printed out every nasty text he sent me (there was a staggering amount per day, stalkerish amount of verbal thrashing for wearing jewelry that day or being 5 min late) leading up to my leaving. That way I could remind myself of what I was really missing when I started wavering in my decision. Sometimes we focus on the very few and far between good times and mentally blur every single rotten day together (nearly every day). What I was really missing was how I wanted the relationship to be, not how it actually was. Calling me a whore as I walk out the door to go to work in the morning was the usual start of my day . Calling me a stupid cunt in front of my 2 year old was the usual end to my evenings. There was much more but you get the picture. My self-esteem was non-existent and because I couldn’t find a reason to leave for myself, I left for the sake of my daughter. I’ll be damned if some two-pump chump punk ever calls my baby girl a stupid cunt and she accepts that as “normal” behavior of a man who claims he “loves” her. Think of your reality with that pos and not what you wanted and hoped it would be. Stay strong and know there is something/someone worthy of you who wouldn’t dream of disrespecting or hurting you.