Stuff we push out of conscience memory as a way to cope at the time. Several breakups an my ex boyfriend lets me know his support system is crumbling as a couple friends took a bad turn and he's not wanting to live and has turned away from God. It was a reason to go try to help, love him, use my interest in counseling psychology to try to talk to the poor boy. He said he's suicidal. I asked if he had a plan, yes, he told it to me. I said he needs to come up with a Plan B. He said he could get mad at me and kill me. I brushed it off, and contined to talk to him for a long time in ways I thought were helpful for what he's going through. I have a lot to offer and I know I can't save him I just know I can be of help IF someone wants it (he did make an appointment to see a counselor). He has attempted suicide in the past. I'm starting to consider it a reality and try to not feel guilty or blame myself. Talk about helplessness. I even asked him if he tells me this stuff to lure me back, he said no it's how he feels (yes it is how he feels though not everyone is aware of it, he does have other people aware of this he's reaching out to) I brought it up a few days later (his plan B) when I remembered the shock of it and asked WHY he would say that. He said he was kidding. I don't believe him. It's so messy. He is so forgetful and I think he uses forgetfulness to manipulate or not take any responsibility for hurtful things he does. It seems the more I tell him he's abusive the more he tells me it's me who is abusive (I'm not perfect and have some defects and can admit that and apologize for that, he is very self righteous and defensive). Anyway after our last argument there has been no contact and I hope to keep it that way one day at a time. Any feedback would be helpful thanks. I'm going through the shock of believing in my heart what my lover said to me about his plan b and how unstable he is. He's been off and on psych meds (I am not a fan of psychiatry I'm into holistic health) of late and when he went off is when our serious problems started. I am angry and hurt and in disbelief. I have told him I have the right to say no to hurtful jokes (whether or not his plan b is a joke it is harmful). It's such a SHOCK and I appreciate anyone who could relate, thank for all your sharing here :)
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