Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So today I got mad at my off & on I think it's safe to call him ex boyfriend. I had held in his forgetting my b-day, not wanting it to spoil my day. Today I finally told him. It turned into me being really hard on him because he lied about it, saying at first he did know (yeah why he never said a word even though he talked) then saying he thought it was today (again not even mentioning it) so I was appalled I guess you could say at the lying, not even limited to this. So for whatever reason I went to see him and could see it was not a good day for him mental health-wise (worse I've seen yet). I guess in dealing with him I am being hurt and tend to blame him instead of taking responsibility for being involved in a person who is not treating his mental illness, not eating, not getting more than 2 hours of sleep for over a month now, suicidal, anyway I can only choose to see the bright side for so long until today he called telling me his specific suicide plans soon after I'd left, I called 911, and they told me to get back on the phone with him and stay on with him until police arrived. I didn't tell him I called. Anyway I have not heard from him since and I wonder... Did he go away to mental ward? Did he put up a fight? Did he do something awful?
It is hard not to feel guilty as I was hard on him. It is just an all around unpleasant situation. It is quite scary actually dealing with someone unstable. I am just hard on the poor soul. There is also no point really to communicate with someone who would lie to me and is in such suffering there is no room for me in the relationship, he is truly at worst quite despondent. It wasn't always like this! He used to be happy! He was on meds and slept & ate fine! It is hard watching the man I have loved turn crazy.
I am quite shakey after the trauma of hearing him threaten suicide and tell me in detail how I or police couldn't stop him after all the morbid stuff leading up to this... his disturbing artwork and his disturbing thoughts, his morbid behavior. Oh God! This is too big for me. I am glad I called 911 and took it seriously. I just know for my safety I really need to detatch in a big way, he is dangerous for me. I left because he started to pound and break a chair, there is no having a normal conversation with him.
Oh well I didn't get here over night. I guess I have untreated codependency, history of emotionally abusive relationships, chose this person with an unstable history, and got involved. Oh God. I hate having this burden of this situation and to be this person who has this to share.
What is my hope? I took a bubble bath, lit a candle, went to dinner with Mom, read something good, come here, made plans with AA friends tomorrow, said no to an invite out to enjoy a movie in.
I called for help. It is too big for me. I have to picture him in God's hands, and thank God I could help, yet part of me feels to blame like I hurt him, I failed him, I wouldn't take him back after he broke up with me numerous times. Oh God! It's not my fault! Please it is so hard to accept the reality of this and deal with the shock of it. I am dealing with a person with a history of violence when I am the type who prefers not to kill bugs. I just thought I could handle it, it got worse, and I did a good job of dealing with it today, it's just realizing any help he get may be temporary and this could happen again (and again) and I'm scared for me, too, it's like he's calling and threatening suicide, is this abuse or what?
I mean he has been talking of wanting to kill himself for over 2 months ago, so I believe him, yet for him to call and tell me his specific plans he wants to carry out now, it feel so threatening. I feel traumatized.
It is hard not to feel guilty as I was hard on him. It is just an all around unpleasant situation. It is quite scary actually dealing with someone unstable. I am just hard on the poor soul. There is also no point really to communicate with someone who would lie to me and is in such suffering there is no room for me in the relationship, he is truly at worst quite despondent. It wasn't always like this! He used to be happy! He was on meds and slept & ate fine! It is hard watching the man I have loved turn crazy.
I am quite shakey after the trauma of hearing him threaten suicide and tell me in detail how I or police couldn't stop him after all the morbid stuff leading up to this... his disturbing artwork and his disturbing thoughts, his morbid behavior. Oh God! This is too big for me. I am glad I called 911 and took it seriously. I just know for my safety I really need to detatch in a big way, he is dangerous for me. I left because he started to pound and break a chair, there is no having a normal conversation with him.
Oh well I didn't get here over night. I guess I have untreated codependency, history of emotionally abusive relationships, chose this person with an unstable history, and got involved. Oh God. I hate having this burden of this situation and to be this person who has this to share.
What is my hope? I took a bubble bath, lit a candle, went to dinner with Mom, read something good, come here, made plans with AA friends tomorrow, said no to an invite out to enjoy a movie in.
I called for help. It is too big for me. I have to picture him in God's hands, and thank God I could help, yet part of me feels to blame like I hurt him, I failed him, I wouldn't take him back after he broke up with me numerous times. Oh God! It's not my fault! Please it is so hard to accept the reality of this and deal with the shock of it. I am dealing with a person with a history of violence when I am the type who prefers not to kill bugs. I just thought I could handle it, it got worse, and I did a good job of dealing with it today, it's just realizing any help he get may be temporary and this could happen again (and again) and I'm scared for me, too, it's like he's calling and threatening suicide, is this abuse or what?
I mean he has been talking of wanting to kill himself for over 2 months ago, so I believe him, yet for him to call and tell me his specific plans he wants to carry out now, it feel so threatening. I feel traumatized.
I have been in your shoes before. I have one friend is constantly talking about how he wants to die, how the world is against him, what he would do, etc. My daughter's father (my ex) sometimes told me that he would kill himself I ever left him.
This-is-abuse. This is a controlling and terrorizing behavior. He is doing this to keep you around, justify his behavior. His thinking is " I can't be that bad a person. If I was, this awesome person wouldn't deal with me." I know that you loved him. I hold every person I know so close that their pain is my own and I want to carry all their burdens for them.
But you have to save yourself. Here is something I had to hear from someone to put it into perspective:
" It is ok and expected of you to tell yourself it's not YOUR fault. You CAN NOT and are not expected to save everyone. The BEST thing you can do is to walk away. You are not a bad person to do so."
This was a call for help and you got it to him. But he may reach again and you should make it a very clean and fast break. Change your number, tell him to stay away and CALL THE COPS whenever you feel threatened or frightened.
Please contact me if you have questions or need someone to talk to.
You have no need to feel guilty . You have done all the right things in taking care of him and of yourself. He has played a game of emotional blackmail with you in a very serious degree and that is unaceptable.
Keep in mind that that he was ill before you came into his life. He has been totally irresponsible in not taking care of his own mental health issues.
God knows all of this. You have taken all the right steps for him and for yourself. god bless.