Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
This site has literally been a life safer for me. I have no doubt that the wonderful folks on here have also helped to expedite my healing process dramatically. I'm not there yet and certainly don't expect to be there for a little while longer.
With that said, I notice that there are a lot of new folks here in recent days. And I welcome you! I sincerely hope you can find the assistance you are looking for by reading and posting. Some of the folks, not me, have been here for quite some time and have some amazing insight into the processes of living with, leaving and recovering from abuse. Please tap this resource to your best advantage.
But I feel compelled to also add that I have seen a few posts in the past few days that trouble me. Input is good, but please make sure you understand the context in which you are offering your viewpoint. For instance, before responding, take some time to understand the history of the individual you are responding to. This information may actually change your viewpoint and your response.
I am by no means suggesting we should only write what we think others want to hear. Far from that. But understand that writing something without really understanding what that person has dealt with may potentially have a negative impact in their recovery. For instance, someone is newly out of a bad relationship and doubting whether abuse really occurred. This person posts about an "incident." In the past they have posted several other examples of abuse they endured. To someone not familiar with this person's story, the new isolated incident may not look too bad. And they respond as such. Now the poster who is already having doubts, starts to have more doubts. See what I mean?
I certainly don't mean to be critical of anyone on this site. I just ask that we remain thoughtful about the topic at hand and the processes each of us is going through to enhance the quality of our life.
Peace,
LT
With that said, I notice that there are a lot of new folks here in recent days. And I welcome you! I sincerely hope you can find the assistance you are looking for by reading and posting. Some of the folks, not me, have been here for quite some time and have some amazing insight into the processes of living with, leaving and recovering from abuse. Please tap this resource to your best advantage.
But I feel compelled to also add that I have seen a few posts in the past few days that trouble me. Input is good, but please make sure you understand the context in which you are offering your viewpoint. For instance, before responding, take some time to understand the history of the individual you are responding to. This information may actually change your viewpoint and your response.
I am by no means suggesting we should only write what we think others want to hear. Far from that. But understand that writing something without really understanding what that person has dealt with may potentially have a negative impact in their recovery. For instance, someone is newly out of a bad relationship and doubting whether abuse really occurred. This person posts about an "incident." In the past they have posted several other examples of abuse they endured. To someone not familiar with this person's story, the new isolated incident may not look too bad. And they respond as such. Now the poster who is already having doubts, starts to have more doubts. See what I mean?
I certainly don't mean to be critical of anyone on this site. I just ask that we remain thoughtful about the topic at hand and the processes each of us is going through to enhance the quality of our life.
Peace,
LT
Bear in mind on this message board we are only hearing one side. it's also likely that abusive people come on here from time to time and claim the victim role. But because I am only hearing one side, and not the complete story, I assume that everyone that comes here is hurting and needing help, and do my best to not judge anyone's story. If I feel uneasy about something someone said, I simply don't respond.
The reality is, abuse is probably rarely cut-and-dry. I think many abusers were also victims themselves of toxic people sometime in their lives. And I think for us abuse targets, we are not perfect, and have all done things in our lives that hurt other people. But without the back story we have no way of truly knowing or evaluating another's situation. I tend to just accept that a person is hurting, and not try and categorize based upon limited information.
Generally speaking, I think most of us are here because we hurt from stuff that occurred in our relationships. Perhaps my motives for posting this were selfish and limited. But I don't want to feel I can't post my thoughts out of fear that someone who doesn't know my situation will invalidate my feelings and thoughts based on limited info. That's not to say I don't want to hear the truth, the hard stuff.
Again, I just ask all to be thoughtful and mindful of the reason most of us are here.
A few thoughts sparked by this discussion...
Yes, we are all guilty of bad behavior, and maybe sometimes the line between bad behavior and abuse can be a thin one. Reading the Lundy Bancroft book recently, I was struck when he said that we should always strive to be the complete opposite of an abuser when talking to a victim of abuse. Abusers are controlling, judgmental, critical, and they don't listen. Not to mention how often they project their own issues onto other people. We should try to be the opposite, and in particular I am trying to talk less and listen more.
As much as we'd like to make this a completely safe place, it never can be. There will always be creeps and fakers (apparently we had one just recently), and I agree that we should be mindful we are only hearing one side of the story. But I'm taking the mindset that everyone here is innocent until proven guilty.
Thanks for posting.
~hugs
I, for one, want to be as unlike an abuser as I can. I appreciate it when you all point out if I'm making a mistake, and I hope that I'll always be ready to (actually) apologize. We need to be as kind to each other as we want the others to be to us. Golden Rule.
Also, I'm glad to learn I've got 'Stand my ground' down, now I need to get better at 'Walk away' :)
Again, not saying I have seen any of that recently, but I have in the past. I have myself leapt into a fight when I felt someone attacked me (a long time ago) and it got really ugly. So it's important also to watch our reactions to when someone says what we consider to be something wrong - whether because they are a deliberate troll, a misguided or misinformed person, or just someone with a different opinion.