You are expressing a natural concern of some of the people who have been in touch with personality disordered people.

It has to be a pattern to diagnose them as such. And it fluctuates from idealization - white, to devaluation - black and then discard. It has no proportion. My mother has borderline personality and her relationship with people in general are very chaotic. She can end a long relationship with someone just because they said something that annoyed her including her own daughter.

You really have been through abuse. And it doesn't take two abusers for it to happen , only one can be abusive and turn the other to a victim. It has happened in many households.

I've been doing a lot of reading on these topics. I recently discovered my ex is most likely a psychopath... That doesn't even sound right to me yet... How could I have dated a person like that for 2.5 years and be so in love with him while he manipulated me, lied, faked emotions and love, and abused me. I was having so many confusing thoughts. I just wanted him back even after all he did, I would go through thinking what if i changed this or did this differently, would we still be together. I found this site:

http://www.psychopathfree.com/content.php?324-Top-10-Frequently-Asked-Questions-about-Relationships-with-Psychopaths-Narcissists

And suddenly everything clicked. It all made sense. So many memories I brushed off as not a big deal when they were warning flags! I really could not believe how accurate it was. They want us to feel like it is our fault, that's exactly what they want. They want us to believe we are crazy or the abuser. I think it is so hard for me to wrap my head around it because I truly loved this guy.. How could it all have been lies and faked emotions. I am starting to remember so many things he said or did that at the time I counted it as love towards me or a joke or just thought hmm that was a bit strange or what a weird thing to say but I never thought twice about it... until now, it all adds up, and the puzzle is just falling in to place.

I have so much I could write but I will stop here. I am not sure if you seen the link to the site I posted on here earlier (also posted above) but it was very helpful for me and had lots of links to more sites that were related.

I have a completely different take on this altogether. I'm the one with mental illness. I suffer from Borderline Personality Disorder( Idk if anyone knows what causes it or not. But it goes back to the childhood. And how you were taught to cope etc,), Post Tramatic Stress Disorder (stemming from my childhood as well as my marriage) Anxiety, Panic Attacks, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, Depression. I also suffer from an Anorexia and Self Injury(I'm a cutter). And my ex-husband made everything so bad for me. Most days I didn't want to get up out of bed. I would hide in bed and that it how I would cope most days. And when I felt everything was out of my control that's when I restricted and cut. So not EVERYONE'S Situation is the Same.

Not all people who think black and white are necessarily PD people. I have been accused on the odd occasion of being black and white in my views but never have I been labeled with a personality disorder because of it.

Elleray you sumed up exactly how I feel about my ex.

Rexory I apologize if my post made it sounds like I was lumping you in with our abusers. I should have been more thoughtful before I posted - of course not everyone with mental illness acts out with abuse. I'm sorry you're dealing with so much!

I only meant that I know it is a common thread that several of us are dealing with abusers who also have PD, and I know I (for one) sometimes can get my head all turned around trying to understand it all.

Thanks for the alternate view.

My father is a narcissist. Often I have worried that maybe some of his PD rubbed off on me -- and maybe tiny bits of it have since that was all I was exposed to growing up. I even see it in my siblings, too. That being said, for most it is unavoidable that many of us will have picked up traits from abusers but the main thing to keep in mind is that we aware. Abusers are not aware. They don't care. That is why they think in black and white. Yes, I do think in black in white, too but it comes down to this: whatever my abuser has done, I will do opposite.