Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I came here months ago due to repeated breakups with a boyfriend. I had been on waiting list for a place I had been years before that offers counseling to women who are in situations of domestic violence (emotional, verbal or physical). This was my first relationship in sobriety and recovery from addiction/alcoholism. It lasted 1 year, 1/2 of it off and on. When he got angry and humiliated me in public I went to the agency and got on the waiting list, so in the relationship I suffered a lot of emotional abuse. He used anger and lies to try to control me emotionally. I isolated a lot and stopped going to our mutual meetings. He was going deeper and deeper into depression and in my codependency I just couldn't let go, I saw so much how I could and did help him. We got into a huge fight when I was disappointed he forgot my birthday and he told lie upon lie that I figuered out about it, and my hope for any relationship was shattered. I had put up with lies too long. He had been suicidal and called me with a play he was going to carry out. It was so hostile and abusive and traumatic, and I went into survival mode and hung up and decided I needed to call 911 because we were eachothers closest friends. I couldn't ignore his threat, so they told me to keep him on the phone until police arrived. It was awful to talk to him and see how hurtful he was being, I mean this was directly towards me, not his children or mom or family or friends, it was a hostile threat to me to hurt me when I have invested in trying to help him through this, get to counseling and get back on psych meds and on and on (codependency). Police came and he was taken to psychiatric ward and I asked him not to contact me. This was one month ago. I haven't responded to his attempts to contact me. He had said he is doing much better and thinks I saved his life. Anyway I thought I'd let you all know what has been happening and thank you for the support. It is still tough for me. I am learning I wanted to help him get better and he wanted to use me and exploit me for my weaknesses. I was loyal and adoring and weakminded and compliant and gullible. He was manipulative and generous and deceitful and raging. I am putting it behind me and taking the time apart to learn more and more about this pattern I have, this did not happen overnight. I have a lot of work to do to not repeat this. I have been through similar situations. Something in me didn't develop properly to be able to have my own mind in a relationship and not be lead astray to my own detriment.
I felt/feel the same way sometimes. I was separated for 4 months when he went into the hospital for a quadruple bypass. That was such a horrible week for me. I realized how desperately I wanted to be the one there to care for him and help him through. But I also realized that week that he could care less if I was there. He just wanted all the attention he could get. He had his family waiting on him hand and foot. He made them pay for multiple cross country flights just to help him recover because he refused to go to them. He rejected his own daughter because she was taking care of things for him and that was causing people to give him less sympathy. He stole $1200 from me and then told me I was being unreaonable because of his health.
I married once. I wanted to love him forever. But he is incapable of receiving that love. Which is so sad for him. But I don't have to let him destroy me as he has done himself. I can live again.
So can you.
I want to commend you on getting 911 involved with his suicide attempt and he is right - you probably did save his life - but you owe him nothing more. Feel good that you did that and move on with your life. I hope you spend some time figuring out who YOU are, and then I am sure that whoever comes along will "compliment" (notice I didn't say "complete") you nicely.