Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
In my journals on my profile, you'll read about some of the things that hapened late last week and over the weekend, but I haven't posted a current one yet. I will after this though.
The last few days have been even harder then late last week was. My fiance` and youngest daughter got home safely from their road trip to visit his oldest daughter and other family 360 miles north. That day I had been trying to get the house cleaned up and organized more and our dryer has been out for almost a week today and therefore I have to hang the clothes up on hangers from the washer for them to dry and I thought that the load I had washed the prior day had dried enough to fold and put away, but it wasn't and I found out when he got home from his trip. And apparently the towels I put on the bed to fold and put away soaked thru the bedding. So, he got all upset and took it out on me, verbally.
Monday night after he got home from work, he went and took the laundry including the bedding to the laundromat and seemed like he was still upset. I tried to make it up to him Tuesday night by having dinner done and ready by the time he got home. I had also made the Apple pie we had got a few months prior. After he ate and had some pie, he seemed like he was in a little better mood, but I was and still am hurting inside badly. We've had a lot of issues over the last few years and I feel so disconnected and distant from him like we're strangers and I'm just here to babysit our daughter while he works and try to keep up with the household chores, etc. I've tried so many things and ways to reconnect with him with little to no progress. I feel like its the fact that he isn't willing to work on our issues to get closer again like we were in the beginning and he's just pushing me further away every day. I'm so lost and lonely its driving me deeper into depression then I was with my ex husband 20 years ago.
This is not about a
laundry issue or
baking his preferred
flavor of pie.
It's not even about
his choosing or not
choosing to "work on"
intimacy issues. (That's
because to talk about
someone with emotional
injuries which contribute
to a personality disorder
"choosing" a behavior
may be be expecting
them to do something
they're not capable of
doing, in the same way
that someone who's broken
a leg and never gotten it
set properly can be
expected to run a
track meet event.)
If this is the case,
no matter how
diligently you try
to "make it up to
him" or how hard
you work in your
home or how
loving you are
or anything else
you do. . . . . if he's
been emotionally
injured and has
lost the capacity
to be a functional
intimate partner,
the only result will
be that you will sink
further and further
into a depression
that will ultimate
smother your spirit
and steal anything
positive from your
life.
I hope you'll consider
finding a counselor
or therapist whose
specialty is recovery
from abuse, and work
with that person to
sort out your best
option for going forward.
Sending you hugs
and wishes for
clarity and healing.
I just read your journal entry
where you wrote that he said
that no, he doesn't hate you,
he just doesn't like when you
make mistakes.
This is an indicator of
someone who can not
be together with anyone
else in the world, because
not one human walking on
this planet, doesn't make
mistakes (including HIM,
by the way). When someone
can't tolerate mistakes in
others, especially his/her
intimate partner. . . . . . the
relationship is doomed
because the victim of the
intolerance for her/his
humanity, guarantees
suffering and constant
misery.
Finally, if your day depends
on his moods, you are at
the mercy of the winds
of dysfunction. That's
a sad and scary way
to navigate life.
You wrote in your
profile that you're
open-minded so. . . . .
please consider the
possibility of imagining
a life lived without this
kind of continuous abuse.
Hugs and wishes for
better days.