It's important to consider the source of who is putting information out on the internet. I suspect this book writer is writing his non-expert opinion. He is an engineer and they have very different minds. Plus he is not a licensed therapist and therefore cannot diagnose. All he can do is posit his own theories. Just because someone writes a lot of books, doesn't mean anything more than he's promoting his opinion. And to back up his "expertise" w/the fact that he is a writer and publisher isn't all that impressive, IMHO.

To get info about the author, I just clicked on his name below all the books he is offering for sale. I will post the link to that page below the copy & paste.

This is a copy and paste w/his "credentials."

With that, I offer this list of education, experience, and qualifications:

Founder of Dalkeith Press, Inc., a Pennsylvania corporation
President and Publisher, Dalkeith Press, Inc.
Author of 7 books:

Tears and Healing - the journey to the light after an abusive relationship
In Love and Loving It - or Not! - A users guide to love and being in love
Meaning from Madness- Understanding the hidden patterns that motivate abusers: borderlines, narcissists, and sociopaths
Tears and Healing ReflectionsInsights on Abuse, the Relationships that it Haunts, and the Diseases that Cause It
The Way of Respect - Ancient Wisdom Adapted for Today
Surviving the Storm Strategies and Realities for Divorcing a Narcissist
The Hypervigilant Personality A New Perspective on Borderline and Narcissistic Disorders

Personal Consultant in abusive relationships/familial experience of abusive personality disorders, 2005-present
Mentor to others in abusive relationships, in online support groups, 2000- present
Designer and author of the Dalkeith Press web sites: tearsandhealing (now retired) and this site http://dalkeithpress.com
Designer and programmer of the Dalkeith Shopping cart pages
Author and publisher of the Path to the Light and Tears and Healing web sites, 2001-2004
Owner and moderator of the (now defunct) TearsandHealing support group 2004-2006
Moderator of the wtotransitions yahoo group, 2001-present
Consulting Expert Witness and Patent Litigation Consultant, 2002 - present
Engineering Consultant and Inventor, DuPont Engineering, 1982-2004
Inventor of 17 US Patents, 1987-1995
Basic Accredited Professional Figure Skater, 2004 - present
Certified Engineer Intern, Delaware Association of Professional Engineers, 2007
Master of Science in Chemical Engineering, Michigan State University, 1982
Bachelor of Science in Biochemistry, Michigan State Univeristy, 1978
Graduate Certificate in Sport Psychology, Capella University, 2004

http://dalkeithpress.com/RichardSkerritt/Richard-Skerritt.aspx

Just because a person mentors others and is a consultant doesn't mean they're QUALIFIED to do so OR that they're doing it in a healthy way that actually benefits a client.

FYI, I worked w/over 200 engineers for many years. While they are extremely smart and logical they, for the most part, have horrible people skills and don't do well w/emotional stuff. As a matter of fact, I wouldn't be surprised if the majority of them were narcissists. But that's JMHO based on anecdotal experience (just like his books are based on anecdotal experience.


Here is an article from Psychology Today that suggests somewhat the opposite. And they refer, w/links, to specific studies.
https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/beautiful-minds/201103/do-narcissists-know-they-are-narcissists

Hope this helps.

did you read he was in an abusive relationship, and this is what he needed to do to HEAL himself?

Yes I did. What works for him may or may not work for others. If it works for you, that's wonderful. All I was trying to say is that he is only an expert in his own experience and not others and he certainly isn't trained IMHO to be guiding others thru the process. Abuse is traumatic and usually quite complicated emotionally. Again, as I have stated, this is JMHO. I just think its important to consider the source. And it's also important that when it comes to healing emotions, understanding (in the head) is a very small part of it. In order to heal, we need to address all the stuff that is stored subconsciously that our psyche's tend to keep hidden from us until we're ready. Staying in our heads to understand what is going on w/the narc isn't really helping us much. It just keeps us from dealing with the deep emotions caused by the abuse.

i understand that we are looking for reasons to explain the unexplainable. But there aren't any. We will only get closure and healing when we go within and stop making excuses for other people's behavior. We can feel for them and we can forgive them. But if we forgive them based on something that may not be true, then we are just fooling ourselves.

I personally believe that abusers are deeply wounded people, but I know pretend to know how or why they are wounded. And it doesn't matter. It doesn't really help to know that someone who claimed to love us and was there to protect us (like a parent) is wounded. That won't heal the pain we carry with us.

I spent years making excuses for my abusers' behavior. And it helped me deal with in while it was happening. BUT it did NOT lessen the effects of the abuse, nor did it help me to heal.

Healing has to be TOTALLY focused on us, not them. Of course, that's JMHO. :-)