Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
- I still have so much shame that I degraded myself and had sex with him when he came back. I naively thought he'd changed and it meant he wanted me back.
- I'm ashamed of how my life seemed to revolve around him and how dependent i was on him. I had friends and did other things but my thoughts were constantly about him and in a state of uncertainty about why he was treating me like he was, and what was wrong with me.
- I question why i felt insecure when we couldn't see each other and wanted to see him as much as i could. I'd miss him all the time.. i felt addicted to him yet he continually hurt me.
- I always question whether it was abuse or whether he just wasn't interested in me.
- I've read that withdrawal of affection as punishment is abuse.. yet the majority of time after the "honeymoon period" he never gave me affection.. it was rare if he did.
- I question whether it would have been different if i didn't complain so much and wasn't concerned about not seeing him.. was generally more secure.
- I'm ashamed of how i looked and what i wore when we were together.. i felt so unattractive.
-I'm ashamed of how i compare myself to other girls who he thought were pretty now and feel depressed about it.
-We went to a party together and he spoke to a girl more than me, speaking in a different language and passing notes. I'm ashamed of how i left on my own in tears without telling him, i think i should have let him know and feel like i overreacted and was to blame for that.
- I'm ashamed of how my life seemed to revolve around him and how dependent i was on him. I had friends and did other things but my thoughts were constantly about him and in a state of uncertainty about why he was treating me like he was, and what was wrong with me.
- I question why i felt insecure when we couldn't see each other and wanted to see him as much as i could. I'd miss him all the time.. i felt addicted to him yet he continually hurt me.
- I always question whether it was abuse or whether he just wasn't interested in me.
- I've read that withdrawal of affection as punishment is abuse.. yet the majority of time after the "honeymoon period" he never gave me affection.. it was rare if he did.
- I question whether it would have been different if i didn't complain so much and wasn't concerned about not seeing him.. was generally more secure.
- I'm ashamed of how i looked and what i wore when we were together.. i felt so unattractive.
-I'm ashamed of how i compare myself to other girls who he thought were pretty now and feel depressed about it.
-We went to a party together and he spoke to a girl more than me, speaking in a different language and passing notes. I'm ashamed of how i left on my own in tears without telling him, i think i should have let him know and feel like i overreacted and was to blame for that.
All of these feelings are very normal -- shame is very common in the aftermath of an abusive relationship. You were with an abusive man - nothing you could have done could have changed his reactions to you. None of this is your fault. Do not blame yourself. The best thing is that you are not with him anymore and can live freely. He's just going to go on and treat the next one he meets that way too.
I don't know if you are seeing a counselor or can find a program for survivors of domestic violence but it might be helpful to find someone to talk to.
HUGS