Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I just left my family home. As many of you know, I grew up with a narcissistic father. My mother and him are getting divorced after 42 years of marriage. The divorce is mirroring so much of what I have read here. It is ugly and contentious. Frankly, my dad is being an a**hole.
Anyhow, I had to go over to my family house (that my dad refused to give to my mom) to get some very important papers. When I get there, every single lock is changed, along with the security codes. He did not notify my sister or I, which is important as we both have important things there. He wouldn't answer my phone calls or texts, so I call my mom. Bingo! I played right into his twisted hand... He did it just to hurt her and did not notify my sister or I because he knew we would have to call her.
I do not appreciate being used in his twisted little games. My sister used to like my dad, now she despises him. He will have nothing left by the time the divorce is settled.
As adults, my sister and I can see through his antics so well... And we wanr nothing to do with him. He can have all the money and objects in the world, but he will have nothing.
I am writing this for all of us that think others will never know the truth about them, who have lost their children, friends or family to these manipulative jerks... Someday, all of the horrible things they do to others will come home to roost.
Truly, living a good life and ignoring their antics is the best revenge possible. They take care of their revenge all by their own hands....
I apologize for the bluntness of this post, but I had to vent somewhere!
Anyhow, I had to go over to my family house (that my dad refused to give to my mom) to get some very important papers. When I get there, every single lock is changed, along with the security codes. He did not notify my sister or I, which is important as we both have important things there. He wouldn't answer my phone calls or texts, so I call my mom. Bingo! I played right into his twisted hand... He did it just to hurt her and did not notify my sister or I because he knew we would have to call her.
I do not appreciate being used in his twisted little games. My sister used to like my dad, now she despises him. He will have nothing left by the time the divorce is settled.
As adults, my sister and I can see through his antics so well... And we wanr nothing to do with him. He can have all the money and objects in the world, but he will have nothing.
I am writing this for all of us that think others will never know the truth about them, who have lost their children, friends or family to these manipulative jerks... Someday, all of the horrible things they do to others will come home to roost.
Truly, living a good life and ignoring their antics is the best revenge possible. They take care of their revenge all by their own hands....
I apologize for the bluntness of this post, but I had to vent somewhere!
You say that living a good life and ignoring their antics is the best revenge. That's exactly our strategy right now. When the kids have visitation with him, they get through it. When we have weekends together, we do something fun and memorable together. Something that helps us to completely forget, if only for a few moments, all of the crap we're going through right now.
I too believe in karma, and I especially liked when you said this: "Truly, living a good life and ignoring their antics is the best revenge possible." Whether you believe in revenge or forgiveness, the best way forward is just to live our own lives and be happy without them.
I like to believe that somewhere, down deep in their souls, they know exactly what they are doing and how hurtful they are. That's the cross they have to bear -- living with the knowledge of what they've done. Maybe I'm wrong, but it helps me to believe that.
I've been burned so many times by my N Dad that my walls will never come down for him. If I had been an adult when my Mom passed away then I would have pushed a lot harder to lay claim to some of her personal possessions that were dear to me. But, since I was a minor at the time of her death, I was powerless. It is very unfair and unfortunate. He doesn't deserve her things....especially considering that he brought zero to the marriage. They were only married for about 8-9 years before she passed away.
Karma. Yes. Sometimes it takes a long time but there hints of it for sure. In my case, I think that when my when father expires, karma will do the right thing.
(((Lots of hugs.)))
I have in laws who stole my kids inheritance, and we all chose to ignore it. Yes, they sure could have used it, but thank goodness, they just didn't think it was worth their time and energy.
There are sometimes peace is worth more than money. This decision was made 5 years ago and I have never regretted it. We don't have to deal with those horrible people and can live our lives without them.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))
But you are absolutely right about karma. I wanted to love my parents, both of them, despite what they did to me. Just like my husband and every other abuser I have been with. But there comes a point when you have had more than enough of their crap, and they will find themselves alone because they have done the same to everyone they know.
I have not seen or talked to my parents in years. But last time I was at their house for some necessary occasion, I saw a portrait of myself displayed very prominently at the entrance to the living room. That is their twisted 'shrine' to the daughter they think let them down by not being perfect and not capitulating to all their wishes. And it is there to fool other people into thinking they care about me - do they heck!
But they were the ones who kept throwing away my love, so what can you do? I am not going to stop being myself for them, which unfortunately means they have driven me away and will end up alone.
Very good point, and I am so sorry once again for the hurt your father has caused your mother and family :( xx