Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Latest nasty email. I took your advice last time I entered an email and keep it straight to the point with no fluffy talk. Got the same result as last time! arg....For him to insinuate I am neglectful and top it off with I started this.....I had to walk away for a few hours....
From: Jo
To:
Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 8:30 AM
Subject: Your texts....
JO:
I have a hard time with long texts like that so let me see if I get it straight. I saw some paperwork for The Crossing but nothing on upcoming meetings. I am trying to have her fill out her own stuff and work thru it on her own. She has to take responsibility so I didnt look at it word for word. I asked her a while back if she would walk thru graduation and she said no. I was of course disappointed so hopefully she changes her mind. I highly doubt it and I knew she wouldnt walk when I asked her but held out hopes anyway. Do you plan on any kind of party or whatever for her? Let me know on the parent teacher conferences.
The EX......
I am still trying to encourage her to go throught the cermony....maybe tonight will help....they said they would give more info on the conferences for next week tonight....yes i want to give her a graduation party including my side of the family and her/my friends...if your not going to look at and take seriously the papers i send, ill just quit sending them and work it out with Meg myself.
JO:
Also I have some dates I need to see if you can get Trey. I do have a plan B but wanted to see if you would do it first. On the 19 he has a match against Clinton Christian and it is away. Can you get him that night? Then he has an overnight birthday party the 23rd to the 24th. Can you get him the AM (I believe it is 11 AM) on the 24th?
The EX:
I can do the 19th but not the 24th....you regularly ask me things like this, so as for future events and because you have decided that we are no longer a team, please do not ask me to take care of your responsibilites so you can attend your extra-cuirricular activities.....It is irresponsible to ask others to pick up your slack whether it be your parents, friends, boy friend or whoever else you drudge up just so you can go play softball, bible studies, hang out with the girls, etc....He is more important than all of that and his schedule should not revolve around yours....you need to sacrifice....you created this mess and whether you believe it or not, he is hurting and needs you to be there for him and not some taxi and he needs to know by your actions that he is more important than all your sideline issues and yes that even includes your work.....i mean if he has a dr. appointment while he is with you...then take the time off work...i mean dont you get 4 weeks paid a year anyway?
From: Jo
To:
Sent: Monday, April 12, 2010 8:30 AM
Subject: Your texts....
JO:
I have a hard time with long texts like that so let me see if I get it straight. I saw some paperwork for The Crossing but nothing on upcoming meetings. I am trying to have her fill out her own stuff and work thru it on her own. She has to take responsibility so I didnt look at it word for word. I asked her a while back if she would walk thru graduation and she said no. I was of course disappointed so hopefully she changes her mind. I highly doubt it and I knew she wouldnt walk when I asked her but held out hopes anyway. Do you plan on any kind of party or whatever for her? Let me know on the parent teacher conferences.
The EX......
I am still trying to encourage her to go throught the cermony....maybe tonight will help....they said they would give more info on the conferences for next week tonight....yes i want to give her a graduation party including my side of the family and her/my friends...if your not going to look at and take seriously the papers i send, ill just quit sending them and work it out with Meg myself.
JO:
Also I have some dates I need to see if you can get Trey. I do have a plan B but wanted to see if you would do it first. On the 19 he has a match against Clinton Christian and it is away. Can you get him that night? Then he has an overnight birthday party the 23rd to the 24th. Can you get him the AM (I believe it is 11 AM) on the 24th?
The EX:
I can do the 19th but not the 24th....you regularly ask me things like this, so as for future events and because you have decided that we are no longer a team, please do not ask me to take care of your responsibilites so you can attend your extra-cuirricular activities.....It is irresponsible to ask others to pick up your slack whether it be your parents, friends, boy friend or whoever else you drudge up just so you can go play softball, bible studies, hang out with the girls, etc....He is more important than all of that and his schedule should not revolve around yours....you need to sacrifice....you created this mess and whether you believe it or not, he is hurting and needs you to be there for him and not some taxi and he needs to know by your actions that he is more important than all your sideline issues and yes that even includes your work.....i mean if he has a dr. appointment while he is with you...then take the time off work...i mean dont you get 4 weeks paid a year anyway?
Just remember...when he lashes out like this, rather than letting it get your blood pressure up, smile and rejoice that you are free from this kind of abusive control freak.
Hugs to you...your ex sounds so much like mine.
Just to clarify my daughter is 21 yrs old and going back to an alternative school to get her high school diploma. VERY proud of her. Poor girl was just as much a target for his abuse as I was and so rebelled for 2 years now.
Sounded bad in my first entry like she was 17 or something. =)
I agree, they love to know they get to us, so while you may be seething inside, not showing him he bothered you...and giving him the satisfaction will annoy him. When he doesn't get the reaction over and over, he may just back off a bit. Let him go on and on like the idiot he is while you just stick to the facts.
If you can, take out ALL emotional content of your e-mails, no "I feel it would be...I was disappointed"....etc.. Just state the facts. And don't count on him for much, except giving you a hard time.
I didn't see what the ages of your children are?
If you're daughter is an adult, he can call her directly to find out plans without involving you. She can decide how much she wants to discuss this stuff with him.
I know you have a life too, but coordinating him to take your son is probably more trouble than it's worth. Is there an alternative, a friend, relative whom he can stay with while you need to be away?
Your ex is such a condescending putz, detaching as much as you possibly can would not only probably make the kids happier, but would give you a lot more peace. I honestly would be physically sick having to talk to this douchebag one second more than I absolutely HAD to. This isn't about family harmony, this is about him hurting you, and continuing the abuse. I always crack up when abusers lecture US about what kind of parents we 'should' be. LOL...total hypocrites!
Hope everything works out!