Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Managed to keep my first appmt. Wasn't sure I could go in as I sat out in the parking lot and alternated between crying and shaking..telling myself people from my town were going to notice me and judge. I went in, long trench coat clutched around me protectively feeling like I was going to throw up and waited for my Counselor to call me in. She ended up being nice and non judgemental..which is good as I judge myself enough for the both of us. Her observations were that I seemed to not be able to make eye contact (throughout most of the session) kept a defensive posture, looked as if I was ready to flee at times when broaching some topics of abuse, and seemed to have trust issues. I have depression -anxiety which feed off each other as do my guilt -anger issues. Low self esteem and loss of passion in activities or interests I once loved or enjoyed. Basically I am a mess. (My words) I go back Monday morning and I suppose we open up some more of what I have gotten so good at shoving down for thirty something years...if I can keep on doing it. The times before, the counselors either made me uncomfortable or I talked myself out of meeting a counselor. Guess we will see what wins...my fear and comfort zone or the thought that maybe there is help for someone with the dark things that haunt my mind. Man..I am tired and scared.
It almost sounds like this therapist might be the one for you. That would be terrific if you have someone you can talk to in person. I am hoping each visit will be easier for you to open up to her and you realize she just may be able to help you. I sure think giving this a try is so much better than not. I am proud of you and wish the very best for you!!!!
(((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))
Good for you, for the courage
to follow through.
Please try and continue.
Healing can happen.
Recovery is possible.
Many of us out here are
living proof.
We're all sending you
our best thoughts and
prayers.
Take it one day at a time.
One foot in front of the other.
Life can and will
be better!!!!!!!!!!!!
Much love to you.
Take good care.
I think as time goes by you should be able to get things out and be more comfortable with her. If not look for one you can be comfortable with. I've got my hopes up for you and I'm thinking this could really help. Hang on for awhile and give it a little time.
Good for you. We are all rooting for you!!!!
(((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))
Therapy is hard but it some of the most rewarding work you may ever do. Healing yourself requires active effort, tears, and lots of self love.
You can do it and you are worth it.
Sounds like you did really well at the first session, take it slowly - you don't have to open up about everything all at once if you don't want to. In my case, I was seeing my counsellor for about 3 and a half years. And I'd seen her previously, so she already knew some of my background.
Therapy is very rarely a quick fix. You deserve to be happy - everyone deserves to be happy. And if you work through those dark things, slowly, over time, you can find happiness. But it's going to be hard - at least for a while. Please value yourself enough to keep trying.
:( My therapist noticed as well. She said she almost put off doing her notes from the prior session and such to take me early because I looked so uncomfortable sitting hunched up in a ball,head down in the corner away from the other clients. But she realizes that as part of my therapy I need to work on overcoming my anxiety of crowds and social situations. Also just in her office, she noticed I rub my thumb against my hand, as if to soothe myself. Also I would do breathing..and the averting my eyes. She gave me a few exercises to do, but will not see me next Monday but the following Monday. I had hoped I would be more at ease with her and more open in talking. I feel as if the real root of the problem and I know what alot of it is, will be hard to get to, at this rate. Its almost as if we are going at it backwards but I don't know of any other way to approach it and I can't be even honestly brave enough in person to talk about some of the lesser things anyway. I guess I will just try to listen to her, I just feel so anxious before I go and at the sessions that I feel like I am wasting time.
Have you considered bringing an ipod or mp3 player w/you and listening to calming music while you wait?
What if you wrote down what you want to talk w/her about, starting w/what you wrote here about how hard it is for you to talk about it?
Please give yourself as much time as you need to feel comfortable. You didn't endure the trauma all in one day, so it's gonna take time to work thru it.
Big hugs!!!
There are no "shoulds" in terms of time frame. It takes whatever time it takes, which is almost invariably longer than we think it "should" take, and certainly longer than we wish it would take.