I hear you. I live in a small town where everyones life is kind of under the microscope. I caused a little mini-scandal by leaving my husband two years ago. Tongues are still wagging no doubt.

Strangely enough, people want to ask me about my ex as if our divorce was amaiable which it was not and I was emotionally abused for years.

When people want to bring up my ex or ask me about him I tell them I am not in contact with him and not on good terms with him. As we share a child I also want to be discrete and not diss my baby's daddy, so to speak.

It is hard. People want to assume the best, things just didn't work out. I want to shout from the highest mountaintop about what an abusing asshole my ex-hsuabnd is, though he has left his own personal mark of anger and loathing on many others in this town who know exactly why I left.

When people want to tell them about your ex cut them short as politely as possible. The look on your face, the tone in your voice...hopefully it's enough to say a lot more than you are.

The people in my life who love me and care about me know I have suffered and know my pain. Everyone else doesn't matter. Really.

Hugs to you for your pain...

I'm glad I'm not the only one! This is driving me crazy! None of our friends know that he was emotionally, sometimes physically and sexually abusive to me for over 20 years and I am now the cold-hearted bi*** that left him...because he is just such a NICE guy.

The people that love me and are closest to me know what he's put me through, but other friends and neighbors have no idea. I just keep getting all these shocked comments. "I can't believe you guys are getting divorced...did you even try counseling?" And everyone just feels so sorry for HIM!!!

I want to take out a full page ad in our local paper listing all the terrible things he has done and said to me and our two daughters and tarnish some of his Mr. Nice Guy image. I know that it doesn't really matter, that everyone that really matters already knows....BUT STILL....It does make me CRAZY sometimes!!

it must be really horrible for you, people are so nosey aren;t they? I never know what to say either. hopefully it will die down and people will stop asking, at least you can hold your head up high, it takes a lot of strength and courage not to diss your ex so your child is happy. I admire you

Indy...I have thought about the same thing...putting a huge article in the paper.

My advice...be the better person. People always root for the underdog,meaning abusive ex, for some stupid reason...

I too have to deal with this almost daily...

I have lived in the same town, the same house for my entire marriage of 30 years, so I am very lucky to have a close knit circle of friends, who didn't always know about the abuse, but a number of them knew about it before I left, and they have been so supportive of me, and my son. The day I moved out, some of my friends were here helping me move in.

I don't talk about the details to people, and I find it difficult to talk about our divorce to people who I don't see often but who thought they knew us well, like at the place where we keep our boat and spent lots of the summers together.

The fact that many of my friends are parents of my son's friends has helped my son too.

thank you so much for the helpful replies. The validation from people who do understand (those of us here and others who have lived through or are living through abusive relationships, as well as my domestic violence counselor) makes all the difference.

Telling people about the divorce has been difficult for me also. I made the promise to myself from the start that I would not be nasty or talk badly about my ex husband, and at first, it "bit me in the butt." Most people thought I walked out on him and he was such a wonderful person. Some spread rumors that I must be having an affair to leave such a good man. One couple, who I thought were good friends, told me what a mistake I was making, that my christian witness would never be any good anymore, and I was basically going to hell. If only these people knew what went on behind closed doors! Now, a few months down the road, a few people are starting to see a glimpse of the real person he is. He is in our house, I am at my parents. He refused to leave, instead, forcing his wife and children to live in a basement at my parents. He calls constantly, demanding, being a jerk. My friends are starting to notice. I take satisfaction in knowing that I didn't have to be nasty, ugly, or say anything to make myself look bad, and the truth is slowly starting to leak out!
Hang in there, it will get better!

I feel for you. It is hard when you have a shared circle of friends. At least my closest ones know about what went on with his ex wife, as well as myself. But many of them don't, and will ask me if I have heard his latest sermon, etc. I have just come to terms with the fact that he DOES have a good and appealing side, or else I would never have dated him in the first place. People are going to enjoy being around him. It hurts, because that is the side of him that I fell in love with...but I know being with him would never be good for me...and I remember the horrible side.