Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Pasted in from today's "Wolf's Daily Howl"
Frequently lately, I've been involved in discussions that revolve around the connundrum of why an abused victim often has such a devil of a time breaking away from their abuser.
There are many contributing factors to the answer to this connundrum.
If we focus primarily on the psychological, there are still a number of contributing factors, but the two biggest ones are:
[1] Brain bio-chemistry
[2] Development (or hindered development) of a person's psyche.
Today, I'll talk briefly on brain bio-chemistry.
At the back of the brain, at the top of the spine, lies one of the parts of the brain that developed earliest in critter-evolution. Many people have heard this brain part referred to as the "limbic system," or "the ancient brain" or "the reptile brain." I, actually, call it the fish brain, because fish were really the first (vertebrate) animals in which this part was operating ---- predating the reptiles by millions of years.
In any case, this part of the brain was the seat of the very first emotions. The limbic system has several individual components. Most people have heard of the amygdala. This is the home of the "fight or flight reflex and was likely the earliest component to develop. Hot on its heels is a component thats generally less well known. Its called the dorsal striatum, or the dorsal strip. Everyone knows what a dorsal fin is, on a fish . . . . . the fin that runs front to back above the fishs backbone. The dorsal strip runs in the same direction, in our brain.
In a nutshell, the dorsal strip is the home of our reward center, our feel good center.
In the summer of 2004 a scientific study was released that was based on magnetic resonance imaging of the dorsal striatum. The authors of the study shared that theyd found that the dorsal striatum was activated in a few finite scenarios. Im not going to go into this in depth, today, except to say that addiction is one of the scenarios that activate the dorsal striatum. Intimate attachment is another.
So. . . . . here we see. . . . . on MRI print-outs. . . . . that addictions and attachments live in the same room in the brain!
And we wonder why its so hard to break away from an abuser????????
Once were attached emotionally. . . .
once we have sex with. . . . .
once we have a baby with. . . . .
This is all really primal stuff.
And it lights up in the same part of the brain as attachment to other stuff we may enjoy but which, we know very clearly on an intellectual basis (thats a different part of the brain!) that its NOT GOOD FOR US!!!!!!
So we can break up with somebody. . . we can move out. . . . . we can divorce him or her. . . . .
But we struggle with detaching emotionally.
This struggle is not a matter of having a weak character.
Its not a matter of nof knowing intellectually the best course of action.
Its biochemistry.
Now ----- is it impossible to end an abusive relationship and stay out of it?
Of course not!!!!!!!
Its hard, but its NOT impossible.
Many, many of us have done it.
But if youre in the middle of the struggle right now, hang on.
There are strategies, techniques and skills thatll get you through!
Many, many of us have successfully escaped abuse.
You can too!
Frequently lately, I've been involved in discussions that revolve around the connundrum of why an abused victim often has such a devil of a time breaking away from their abuser.
There are many contributing factors to the answer to this connundrum.
If we focus primarily on the psychological, there are still a number of contributing factors, but the two biggest ones are:
[1] Brain bio-chemistry
[2] Development (or hindered development) of a person's psyche.
Today, I'll talk briefly on brain bio-chemistry.
At the back of the brain, at the top of the spine, lies one of the parts of the brain that developed earliest in critter-evolution. Many people have heard this brain part referred to as the "limbic system," or "the ancient brain" or "the reptile brain." I, actually, call it the fish brain, because fish were really the first (vertebrate) animals in which this part was operating ---- predating the reptiles by millions of years.
In any case, this part of the brain was the seat of the very first emotions. The limbic system has several individual components. Most people have heard of the amygdala. This is the home of the "fight or flight reflex and was likely the earliest component to develop. Hot on its heels is a component thats generally less well known. Its called the dorsal striatum, or the dorsal strip. Everyone knows what a dorsal fin is, on a fish . . . . . the fin that runs front to back above the fishs backbone. The dorsal strip runs in the same direction, in our brain.
In a nutshell, the dorsal strip is the home of our reward center, our feel good center.
In the summer of 2004 a scientific study was released that was based on magnetic resonance imaging of the dorsal striatum. The authors of the study shared that theyd found that the dorsal striatum was activated in a few finite scenarios. Im not going to go into this in depth, today, except to say that addiction is one of the scenarios that activate the dorsal striatum. Intimate attachment is another.
So. . . . . here we see. . . . . on MRI print-outs. . . . . that addictions and attachments live in the same room in the brain!
And we wonder why its so hard to break away from an abuser????????
Once were attached emotionally. . . .
once we have sex with. . . . .
once we have a baby with. . . . .
This is all really primal stuff.
And it lights up in the same part of the brain as attachment to other stuff we may enjoy but which, we know very clearly on an intellectual basis (thats a different part of the brain!) that its NOT GOOD FOR US!!!!!!
So we can break up with somebody. . . we can move out. . . . . we can divorce him or her. . . . .
But we struggle with detaching emotionally.
This struggle is not a matter of having a weak character.
Its not a matter of nof knowing intellectually the best course of action.
Its biochemistry.
Now ----- is it impossible to end an abusive relationship and stay out of it?
Of course not!!!!!!!
Its hard, but its NOT impossible.
Many, many of us have done it.
But if youre in the middle of the struggle right now, hang on.
There are strategies, techniques and skills thatll get you through!
Many, many of us have successfully escaped abuse.
You can too!
Bless your heart
x
as they effect our brains and our lives:
When we do something like have sex with questionable
partners, I don't think we're necessarily screwing our brains up,
so much as potentially screwing up our lives. The neurotransmitters
that get released when we have sex aren't good or bad. They are, after all, just natural ---- from our own biochemical pharmacy.
It's just that, since our species benefits from consistent
replication (making on-going copies of ourselves), the
human body, very early on, began releasing feel-good
chemical rewards that make us to want (they make us
INTENSELY want!!!!) more of what we just enjoyed.
And as we see in our lives, reported on this and other
boards over and over again, it doesn't matter to our mind-body system whether the guy was a jerk or not. Once we fall in , once
we boogie down, once we gestate and birth a baby with him (or
have a bay with her), once we've been connected in an emotional
and physical way (check out the Stockholm Syndrome) ----- in
much the same way as we do in regards to other things that sustain us as individual and collectively as a species, we seem compelled, even driven ----- to keep an iron grasp on that person, substance, or activity. It doesn't seem to matter whether that person, substance or act genuinely benefits us or not.
So the next time you feel pulled back towards someone you've
worked really hard in getting away from, forgive yourself. It's a
natural, physiological mechanism to ensure continuation of the
species.
But it won't necessarily ensure YOUR continuation.
Unlike the first, ancient fish, who had only the first
rudimentary brain components which enabled them
to dash away or make a stand (I think most of the
ones who survived, probably dashed away). . . . .
WE have a bigger, more complex brain.
Our evolved brain has other parts in it. The part
that's going to be our best resource in an abusive
situation, is the front part of the brain. It's called
the "modern" brain. (It's the most recent brain
part to develop.) It helps us with critical analyses.
It helps us arrive at judegements, helps us make
decisions.
When the ancient brain and the modern brain
(the back part of our brain versus the front part),
the back part often wins out. Don't believe me?
How many New Year's resolutions ---- decisions
made with the front part of our brain ----- get kept,
how many get broken?
HOWEVER ------ it IS possible to KEEP to the
decision made by our front brain. It takes setting
up a system to ensure that that happens, it takes
practice; it may take time. But it CAN BE DONE.