can I join in cause mine will be 28 years in a few months and I could have very well asked it.

For me, I decided to choose happiness over misery. I decided that I no longer want to be treated like a doormat. That I deserve better than what my husband has to offer me. It was not an easy decision to make, but am leaving in October after being married for 16 years and being with him for over 20 years. In the beginning I felt guilty about my choice, but after a lot research, talking and journaling, I realized that I have nothing to feel guilty about. I want a better life for my daughter and me. I want to protect her from his toxicity that is having a very negative effect on her life right now. I want to be free.... Hope this helps.
Take care and everything of the best. xx

We've all gotten to that point where we've had enough. You know when you reach it if you don't see any happiness in your future with this person. Many of us get sucked back in thinking maybe its possible we made the wrong decision and almost always find out it was indeed the right thing to do the first time. Only you will know when you've reached that point and when (or if) you choose to go is entirely your decision. This is the first of many things that you have a choice on, not your abuser telling you what to do. Ings is right on whether you choose happiness or misery.

You choose your self
and a healthy life
over abuse and trauma.

Healthy singlehood
trumps abuse and
dysfunction.

After several times ending up in the fetal position, crying , my heart crushed after his verbal lashings , I knew something was very wrong. Especially when he accused me, while in the fetal position, of being angry at him. That's when I started searching and found the article on EA. It was my life, I kept it all together until the kids left for college, I knew we had problems. The last fetal position the love chord was completely severed. Three years of counseling have helped me become stronger. He has tried to change but he still does the cycle. He can't change. Believe me I have grieved so much. My dream is having to change. I also have to figure out who I am. Some who know me haven't understood why I have worked so hard to save this. But I recently read something, he has't loved, honored or cherished me. That has really helped me,

say to yourself that you will not waste one more day being abused. LOVE YOURSELF.......ENOUGH TO WALK AWAY.

I suggest co-dependents anonymous meetings and support groups. Most abuse victims in a relationship that long are co-dependent and cannot imagine a life away from the abuser. There is help for this. Support groups and therapy are the best start.

It's more of a gradual process than just up and leaving. It starts with the realization that it is abuse then the realization it won't get better or time spent attempting to improve ourselves or the relationship then the cold hard reality, then the realization that we have a limited time on this earth. then the final realization that we are weary and fed up with and miserable with how we are being treated, then detachment, moving out of the bedroom, then either moving out ourselves or having the abuser move out.
It's a process. it's not immediate. it's painful. It takes time but ultimately it's the best decision we will ever make.

It was 14 years for me. he was totally close to my family, we have 2 kids, own a house..

In the marriage, I was gradually falling out of love, and distancing myself as much as he would allow...

and I just felt as if I was going to die if I stayed with him-literally. I could see him snapping and killing me. I felt as if I was living in a war zone.

leaving was terrifying. I couldn't have done it without the help of everyone here on DS, and the wonderful people at the shelter...

and all of my close friends, who stuck beside me throughout the whole process...

it's a a hard road, and some parts of it you really do have to do alone (all of the letting go inside of you, and realizing that as much as you have help, you really do need to stand on your own two feet)..

but there are people out there, who will be there to help you, and you learn SO MUCH about yourself, and strengths that you didn't know you had..

an amazing journey..I used to wonder what it would be like to be at the other end, and now I am....

Practically speaking, you need to make a plan before you just walk.

You may need to consider finances, debts, housing, the likely outcomes of divorce settlement and whether your actions impact that (for instance, if you wish to keep the marital home or receive a settlement for half the value of it).

Your local women's shelter probably has a legal advocate who can advise you on some of these issues for free.

If you are at the point of leaving, I'm just suggesting that you also take steps to protect yourself financially and in your future endeavors (not being stuck because of debt he may have, etc).

I reached a point where I could take no more!! I had to make the choice it was me or him and I choose me it was the hardest thing I have ever done I left for work as normal and never went back.. You have to be strong and it takes a lot of courage but u have to do it for yourself.

I agree with the others. I was with my ex for eight years. It seems impossible to leave someone you have been with for so long, but it really does become a choice between happiness and misery at some point. There comes a time when you realize things will not improve and that the only way for things to get better is to leave. It takes a lot of strength, but it is every bit worth it.

You do it because age and time have nothing to do with the here and now. If you haven't been happy for years, then why would you want to be unhappy for the next 20. That is what is pulling me through now. I have been married for 28 years, and now am getting a divorce. We lost our home to bankruptcy because of his secret spending, and I am getting half of his 401K, which is law, first thing on the menu. There is not much left, and frankly I do not want his money for support. I am feeling so much better with just providing for myself right now, it is freeing like a sweet butterfly. But you do have to go through a process, and do it as calmly and with an inner peace, that you are doing for you, because you deserve it. Amen.

I walked after 30 years, almost 40 together.

But, I didn't just walk away. I planned it for the last 5 I was there. I left twice before the final time. Each time was a learning experience.

I finally came to the clear realization, like an epiphany, that my ex would never allow my son and I to have any semblance of a normal life. I did it as much for my son as myself.

It was and is a long hard road. I have been out 5 1/2 years, and I am still doing the final bit of untangling my life. I've been divorced years. There is a lot to undo when you've been married that long.

But I am sooo sooo SOOOO happy I did it. I am 61 now, I was 55 when I left. My thought was, if I am lucky enough to have 20 or even 25 years left on this planet, they are going to be joyful. NOT the miserable existence we had with hm.

And every single day since I've been gone has been better than any day with him. When I finally left for good, I was out of love, out of illusions, out of questions, I never looked back regretfully even for a second.

Like Tame says, Love yourself enough to walk away. Offer yourself the life you were meant to live.