When I think upon the year of abuse I suffered, I realize that the little things were really terrible. My ex-abuser would yell scream pout
over little things. Things like, he bought me a yellow friendship rose, and I said why is it yellow and not a love rose, this sent him into a rage, in which he yelled and threw his salad across the table, and told me he would not eat in the same room with me. Then he told his doctor therapist that it is all my fault I make him so mad. On another occasion, he yelled and criticized and fussed because he said that I needed to dress sexier for a wrestling match of all things, and he said I was not talkative enough for the first third of the game. One other time, he actually left me stranded at church where I had to walk home because I walked in the communion line beside him, instead of behind him, because I forgot which line to walk in. When he was leaving for his trip to europe I tried to hug him goodbye and he threw a coke can against the wall of his apartment spilling coke and telling me he did not have the time to give me a hug, even though his flight did not leave for another 2 and a half hours he refused to let me inside the airport to wait with him. There are so so many other things I could list, like he would grab my wrist tightly and yell if I was not stirring or chopping something correctly in the kitchen cooking. Like the book by Patricia Evans, I was walking on eggshells. The large things, like trying to look and act like a beautiful superwoman all the time, and the small things, like trying to love him without making him mad........... I tried it all. Ultimately, it was found out that I was not perfect and could not be perfect, so he said he wanted to date someone else. not me. I failed. I got rejected. I thought that
I was successful in the relationship.........but maybe all my failures were in the little things.