Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So we are at the mediators office this afternoon signing the final divorce docs for the judge to approve. He signs the childsupport doc stating he will pay 100% of our daughters daycare. Once the judge approves it and he's out, I fully intend on telling him pay per the order or ill see you in court. As I said previously he told me he has no intention on complying because that was not what was verbally agreed to before the mediation and its not fair how the state calculates childsupport.
So....... as we are signing the docs, the mediator begins to explain the difference between marital and non marital possesions. She explained that any gift given to the husband or wife individually is a "non marital" asset. A little back story. As you know we have been together for 20 years, so naturally I have known his family that long. I loved my husbands grandmother (his dads mom) very dearly, I considered her like my bio grandmother. Well one year for xmas his grandma made me a recipe box and copied all hers and her families recipes (she was 100yrs old when s. Died) onto index cards and put them in a hand papainted box. I was so filled with emotion that year because I felt very honored that she took the time to do that for me.
Fast forward back to today..... I say to him in front of the mediator, that means the recipe box is mine because it was a gift to me (he made it very
clear that I was not allowed to have ANYTHING of his families regardless if how long I have been with him because they are not my family).
That (sorry for the profanity) son of a bitch had the balls to tell me I could not have the recipes because they were his grandmothers even if she gave them to me as a gift!!!!!!!! I told him, "wait a minute, we were just told that gifts given to one individual are that individuals, but that I was more then happy to make copies for him." He said "no, you can have copies, I want the originals". He went on to say "its not like you make the recipes anyway". (Ps, not true) :-/
REALLY?!?!? REALLY?!?!?! WTF.........
I am so pissed off I can't even sleep...... Those recipes have no value other then sentimental to me and its also the principle. Yeah its his grandmother but I offered to give him copies of everything. I'm not even getting any other memories from hus family. I can't have a fkn recipe box that was a gift to ME?!
So....... as we are signing the docs, the mediator begins to explain the difference between marital and non marital possesions. She explained that any gift given to the husband or wife individually is a "non marital" asset. A little back story. As you know we have been together for 20 years, so naturally I have known his family that long. I loved my husbands grandmother (his dads mom) very dearly, I considered her like my bio grandmother. Well one year for xmas his grandma made me a recipe box and copied all hers and her families recipes (she was 100yrs old when s. Died) onto index cards and put them in a hand papainted box. I was so filled with emotion that year because I felt very honored that she took the time to do that for me.
Fast forward back to today..... I say to him in front of the mediator, that means the recipe box is mine because it was a gift to me (he made it very
clear that I was not allowed to have ANYTHING of his families regardless if how long I have been with him because they are not my family).
That (sorry for the profanity) son of a bitch had the balls to tell me I could not have the recipes because they were his grandmothers even if she gave them to me as a gift!!!!!!!! I told him, "wait a minute, we were just told that gifts given to one individual are that individuals, but that I was more then happy to make copies for him." He said "no, you can have copies, I want the originals". He went on to say "its not like you make the recipes anyway". (Ps, not true) :-/
REALLY?!?!? REALLY?!?!?! WTF.........
I am so pissed off I can't even sleep...... Those recipes have no value other then sentimental to me and its also the principle. Yeah its his grandmother but I offered to give him copies of everything. I'm not even getting any other memories from hus family. I can't have a fkn recipe box that was a gift to ME?!
The last thing I wanted to add is the weird thing about this whole thing. ........ I am sooooo angry and disappointed but at the same time I feel soooo good knowing and seeing who he really is and it seems more and more clearer everyday.
God is answering my prayers, "continued clarity" amongst many others.
Thanks for letting me vent. Goodnight everyone!
Hugs! Hope you can sleep better tonight.
Hmph. Assholes, they really do just do whatever they can to upset us.
I really think that things have been building and building and the recipe box was the "straw that broke the camels back". It means so much to me and you are right, he knows it. I conceded on so many things surrounding money (even though its important, it is not as important to me because I will survive). He has now hit me AGAIN in the heart with something that is dear to me.
You are all right and part of me does want to take somethings (not because I want to be vengefull or think I am entitled to them) but because I have been with that man for 20 years (since I was 16 years old), his family truly (in my mind anyway) was MY FAMILY.
Just so mad, sad, and so many other indescribable feelings right now.
Thanks for being so supportive everyone!
He is definitely trying to keep any sense of control he has. Shame on him!!!
I hope that you can keep the recipe box! Good luck as you move forward to a new chapter in your life! Yay!
This is stupid on his part to even bring it up. Is he also saying you can't keep anything else she gave you through the years. She gave it to you, because she wanted you to have it.
It is NOT HIS CALL that you give it back. It was a gift to you.
I am VERY happy for the continued clarity, Confused. I just hope you keep copies of all the sh*t he is doing and trying to do in case you need some reading material in the future.
(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))))))))))))))
In the meantime, try to compartmentalize your anger, and focus on new beginnings.
I really love being on this site. It is so nice to be in a place where I don't feel like I am acting over dramatic or too sensitive.
As an update...... I found another "recipe box" that his dad GAVE ME after his grandmother died. I showed it to him and told him that he can have that one (originals and all) I just asked for a copy because there are more recipes in that box then in mine and he will NOT be getting MY recipe box but I will gladly make him a copy. He seemed ok with that........
I still have not lost sight of the fact that before I rationalized this and found the other box he still wanted to keep the originals of mine no matter how reasonable he seems to be being now.