Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I was brought up with very traditional values.
for instance, the man is the head of the household and does the tasks of a man, getting wood, hunting, work, bringing home the bacon.
The woman of the house cooks cleans, takes care of the kids, submits to the man of the household.
In the same time, I was brought up by mostly female role models, there were very few male role models, so at times I am very independant.
So my question is what type of upbringing did you have? and did it somehow affect how you see your mate, ex, husband/wife, bf, gf, and your relationship? do you think it affects your choice in your mate?
for instance, the man is the head of the household and does the tasks of a man, getting wood, hunting, work, bringing home the bacon.
The woman of the house cooks cleans, takes care of the kids, submits to the man of the household.
In the same time, I was brought up by mostly female role models, there were very few male role models, so at times I am very independant.
So my question is what type of upbringing did you have? and did it somehow affect how you see your mate, ex, husband/wife, bf, gf, and your relationship? do you think it affects your choice in your mate?
I was also brought up christian, and that holds a lot of value to my relationship too. such as having hope and turning the other cheek and etc.,
everybody's pants.
Simultaneously
she instructed me
to exploit a man
for all I could get,
whenever possible.
It was very confusing.
While I always worked,
I never earned enough
and men were where
I turned for financial
support. So I ended
up squarely straddling
her messages to me.
As I've gotten older
(and older and older),
tho I started out intensely
"feminine," I've
gotten increasingly
macho. This past
week, I shoveled snow
for six days straight,
because there's
no one here who's going
to do it for me. My
pinky now has more
muscle than most
of the men we know.
Yes, I believe that
upbringing has an
impact on us. And
then it's our turn to
take the reins.
I never heard my Father tell my Mother.. "I'm not going to be your sugar daddy" I never heard him tell her she was doing a horrible job at everything.
I think I just assumed if I became a stay at home mom that I would have the nice peaceful life my Mother enjoyed.
silly me.
And while my mom certainly had her moods, and my dad would certainly get frustrated, they never called us or each other insulting names, hardly ever cursed, and always worked things out in short time.
And those are all good things, and I am blessed to have that kind of upbringing
So, when my abusive relationship was going haywire, I had nothing to relate it to. Few members of my large extended family have been divorced. All three of my siblings married and had children with the firs person they dated seriously. I placed blame on myself. Somehow I thought I must be doing something wrong. I was confused, and thought I just needed to love her more, forgive her more, support her more. But the more I gave, the more she demanded, and the more she took advantage of. I think that is what they call "moving the goal posts"
So as an adult I am very niave about some things, and still yet amazed at some of the abuse that is done.
I mean especially with me. As an adult I have been raped, physically, emotionally, and financially abused. I was under the belief that I would never run into this kind of cruelty, and thought it happened to everyone else.
When it came into my life and in my own backyard, I was so traumatized. It was hard for me to even make a decision. My ex H emotionally abused me so bad that i couldn't even make a decision such as what to shop for in the grocery store. It took me 4 hours to shop the first time I shopped after he went to prison. Now I can do a shopping trip between 15 mins. and 45 mins. I think the longest i was in a super market was 2 hours, but it was because i was in a clothes and food store. I am fully confident in what I like and don't like.
Just sharing :)
My parents never fought or argued in front of us. My mom wore the pants. And, like a previous poster told us how to wear them too. I went along with everything I was told. Never caused them any trouble. Imagine my surprise when my parents split up when I was 16.
My result= I don't know how to argue/ disagree and I go along with everything even if I don't want to. I sound like a pet!
I am now trying to fix my non-existant communication pattern through counseling and CODA
Go me!
Seawee