This journal helps he get my feelings out on paper so that I can reread how I felt and continue my journey to happiness. So I wanted to record the text messaging that went on between me and him today. We got in a \"big\" arguement when he came home drunk 2 weeks ago and wanted to \"prove\" something to me. He choked me and left big bruises all over my arm. He pushed me on the driveway. He ran into my car to block me from leaving. Then when I left he tried to say that he called the cops on me (voicemail) and that I gave him a black eye and that the cops where looking for me \"how does it feel to have a police record.\" Then his grandfather died and was using that to \"make me feel sorry for him.\" He knew that I was going to leave him. so here is the text messaging that he sent to me today....before I erase them so that I can remember what was said because he knows that I have caught on to his game and am detached from him based on my behavior and distance from him.



n: Do you want to divorce me Leanne?

N: yes you do matter! cause I can tell you dont want to be with me anymore. With what you were saying the other night too. Just dont want to waste your time. I will stop at ace to get for sale sign on my way home. Love ya.

N:I blame myself, not you. So go ahead and get for sale sign, call my lawyer, divorce? get my own bank account?

N: First of all I am not arguing, just talking. I know I love you but don\'t make you happy so I reckon I will give you what you want and deserve. A divorce. Will get sign and take some clothes and go to my parents house tonight. I want (daughter) to stay home. Want all of us there but that can\'t be anymore I guess. Just know I will always love you and will always hold you in my heart. Sorry I put my hands on you. I will never forgive myself. Just don\'t know why I did that! Will see you on weekends and in the evenings to get (daughter) I guess. Love you!

N:If there is anything I can do to make this work you know I will do it! But if not then I will do what you want and need!

N: For the most part we have been good. There has been a few mishaps, yes. I do try but not hard enough obniously. I will get my stuff Lee. You need to give me $150.00 a week and you keep the rest till we sell the house. Still taking you out to dinner for our anniversary though. Guess you can go to your reunion since you dont have to worry about my birthday. I do want something with you but you wont let it happen neither. When around you I feel your vibes and I get the cold shoulder. Either on computer or the phone texting.

N: I always have nice things to say about and to you1 Always. I was just saying. So call it quits or keep trying? I don\'t know much, Lee, but I know I love my girls!

N: Good bye then. I love you and ALWAYS will.

N: I just mean bye and will see ya when we get (daughter). Can\'t be your friend only. Dont even want to see you if your not my wife. Cause these feelings for you will be put back to me and will never be able to get over you. Like that would happen anyways but you know what I mean. Just love you too much to see you!

N: Every weekend? (talking about going out and drinking) Didn\'t know that but if you say so. Sorry cause they are not that important to me. Guessing its to late for anything other than this hu? I do try wheather you think I am or not. Have a nice day....(my my first and middle name with a question mark at the end for last name)

N: I am sorry. Leaving work at lunch to go get my clothes and head to my parents.

N: I will get (daughter). You dont want me around and neither does (daughter) half the time. Just thought I would make you 2 happy by leaving.

N: You are contradicting yourself. You just said you wanted a divorce. If thats not what you said then what did you say then?

N: Well then you win. Did not know I won anything. I will just say since you wont....Bye! Will miss you bust as long as your happy! You can pick daughter up at my parents.

N: Thats what your wanting right?

N: So we are calling it quits?

thinking about it or something?

Just asking if we are divorcing. In a very civil way. What are your thoughts? A simple yes or no would work. Not good at reading between the lines so yes or no?

I can do anything you want. I have tried to make you happy. I love you and want to be married to you.





Ok, so I probably wasted my time and energy writing all this, but I know and feel that he worked so hard to tell me how special I am to him and it was all manipulation and words are just that.....WORDS! I always say to him \"actions speak louder than words.\" This is so true. He is trying to get me to stay where he has it made! That is another thing I have told him \"who wouldn\'t want to be married to me, you can have your cake and eat it to.\" I enable him. He can do whatever he wants and I am such a softy that I forgive him and he has no consequences. So ya, who would not want to be married to that? I give you my all and you give me words! Just empty words that mean nothing! And I went through this during September. I let him back and let him go through the honeymoon phase and take me to dinner and all, but not he is just right back to the begining again, right where we started. Another period of abuse and another bullsh** mess! Me taking him back because I am a pushover and love and care for others well being over my own. Why do I let him have all this control when I am seeing right through him???????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????