Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hi all,
I've posted here for a while off and on...I was married to an emotionally/verbally abusive sociopath, and I've been out for a year.
I've come very far, but I still have a ways to go.
But I wanted to talk about this idea of "taking full responsibility" for making things OK for yourself, because this has really been what's gotten me through, and what keeps me going.
I read that when you say, "I take FULL responsibility" for anything, a load lightens, and you feel you can handle it.
When I feel overwhelmed such as "will I ever meet someone nice who isn't abusive?" or "will I be alone forever?" or "Will I ever have enough money?" or "Will I keep repeating the patterns of my abusive family?" etc. I say to myself:
"I take FULL responsibility for ensuring my life becomes good."
I still have panic attacks and a very intense phobia of being trapped -- it truly terrifies me, and I've avoided subways, elevators, buses, trains, locked rooms, etc. for over 9 months. But even so, "I take FULL responsibility for finding a solution." And I'm determined to find the solution, no matter what, and so what if I haven't found it yet...I will.
And so on.
I just repeat this to myself, and it's made it easier. So I wanted to share that.
We are all powerful, despite what anyone has done. The future is ours, if we are willing to take the responsibility of taking it, and making it ours. We can't go back and make the past more pleasant...but when we are happy, how easy it can be to forget the suffering, when you're wrapped in that happiness. And that's possible for all of us.
I do believe all of us here can re-build fantastic, loving, happy, successful lives, even if the transition period is very difficult.
And we all know how difficult it can be. I believe nothing is harder than leaving someone you love -- especially when they've been cruel, because you are at your weakest and most needy of love, and that's when you have to be strongest and leave. It was the hardest thing I've done -- so just to express some empathy for everyone who is contemplating leaving or has left -- it is emotionally perhaps the hardest thing you'll do.
We logically know it's best to leave, but emotionally it is the hardest thing to do.
But it's the best. I haven't regretted leaving, not once. My ex hasn't improved, and he's still single and lonely, has gained weight, and is bored of the new career that he made a priority over me.
My life is slowly getting better, though I have far to go, it IS getting better.
It just shows me that abusers never really are happy...they only pretend to be. But their lives never get better.
But our lives can. I want to challenge everyone here to take full responsibility for whatever isn't working in your life -- it's something I need to do as well (I haven't done this 100% yet, but I want to).
Perhaps we can all do this together. And let's take those small actions to improve our lives -- going to the gym, socializing, crying (or writing about your feelings about the abuse), getting a new job, taking a class, just accepting what has happened, stopping trying to change your ex, and so on...fairly small things that can change your life.
I'm starting over with a clean slate...it's hard to feel I'm re-inventing the wheel, but it's necessary.
And we can all do it. So let's....
I've posted here for a while off and on...I was married to an emotionally/verbally abusive sociopath, and I've been out for a year.
I've come very far, but I still have a ways to go.
But I wanted to talk about this idea of "taking full responsibility" for making things OK for yourself, because this has really been what's gotten me through, and what keeps me going.
I read that when you say, "I take FULL responsibility" for anything, a load lightens, and you feel you can handle it.
When I feel overwhelmed such as "will I ever meet someone nice who isn't abusive?" or "will I be alone forever?" or "Will I ever have enough money?" or "Will I keep repeating the patterns of my abusive family?" etc. I say to myself:
"I take FULL responsibility for ensuring my life becomes good."
I still have panic attacks and a very intense phobia of being trapped -- it truly terrifies me, and I've avoided subways, elevators, buses, trains, locked rooms, etc. for over 9 months. But even so, "I take FULL responsibility for finding a solution." And I'm determined to find the solution, no matter what, and so what if I haven't found it yet...I will.
And so on.
I just repeat this to myself, and it's made it easier. So I wanted to share that.
We are all powerful, despite what anyone has done. The future is ours, if we are willing to take the responsibility of taking it, and making it ours. We can't go back and make the past more pleasant...but when we are happy, how easy it can be to forget the suffering, when you're wrapped in that happiness. And that's possible for all of us.
I do believe all of us here can re-build fantastic, loving, happy, successful lives, even if the transition period is very difficult.
And we all know how difficult it can be. I believe nothing is harder than leaving someone you love -- especially when they've been cruel, because you are at your weakest and most needy of love, and that's when you have to be strongest and leave. It was the hardest thing I've done -- so just to express some empathy for everyone who is contemplating leaving or has left -- it is emotionally perhaps the hardest thing you'll do.
We logically know it's best to leave, but emotionally it is the hardest thing to do.
But it's the best. I haven't regretted leaving, not once. My ex hasn't improved, and he's still single and lonely, has gained weight, and is bored of the new career that he made a priority over me.
My life is slowly getting better, though I have far to go, it IS getting better.
It just shows me that abusers never really are happy...they only pretend to be. But their lives never get better.
But our lives can. I want to challenge everyone here to take full responsibility for whatever isn't working in your life -- it's something I need to do as well (I haven't done this 100% yet, but I want to).
Perhaps we can all do this together. And let's take those small actions to improve our lives -- going to the gym, socializing, crying (or writing about your feelings about the abuse), getting a new job, taking a class, just accepting what has happened, stopping trying to change your ex, and so on...fairly small things that can change your life.
I'm starting over with a clean slate...it's hard to feel I'm re-inventing the wheel, but it's necessary.
And we can all do it. So let's....
So before telling ourselves that we take full responsibility let's all tell ourselves we deserve a good life and that we are truely capable of having one.