Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Today at counseling she told me if I don't decide to stay away from him in the next month then the counseling is not helping me and I'll have to take a break from counseling. It is a Domestic Violence agency. She knows the relationship involves domestic violence (no physical) and doesn't think it is the best choice to stay. The last few sessions I just tell her I feel stuck. I said I realize if I work an Al Anon program I have some hope to deal with this repeating issue of feeling stuck with someone who needs help. He needs so much help, and is getting worse. He is so sick and has such serious issues and he isn't addressing them, and I feel responsible like I am something in his life that is happy, yet our relationship is sometimes just miserable. So I cried. I am not good at decisions. I turned it over to God, let HIM decide. Between my counselor or him? And I am having a tough time.
Tomorrow is his bday and I had offered lunch, and not felt right about it. So I left him a message that I love him but I am not comfortable with all his issues he needs help with and is not getting; from his counselor, psychiatrist, doctor, meetings, and I can't help him, and I am tired of feeling responsible for him and I need Al Anon and he is an adult and I need him to stop and let me take care of myself and I am scared to have him in my car and take him to a restaurant because of his temper. Last time a few days ago I wouldn't take him home because he was making threats to damage property at the restaurant. This is so hard to admit. I was so mad he wanted to take me out to tell me something and it was private about sex and I got so upset, it was so inappropriate.
is truly sick and was told he may have cancer months ago and hasn't seen a doctor since, losing more weight, having some awful issues, and relapsed a couple times, and he admitted he's suicidal and his counselor didn't have much to say and his psychiatrist doesn't take enough time with him, and he won't share in his AA meetings. ENOUGH! I CANNOT Save him. He's said he's waiting for his insurance. I don't know. Counselor said I'm keeping him from getting the help he needs by trying to help. I see her point. And I am creating more animosity between us from going round and round with him with the insanity, lies, and reacting in hurt and anger...
OK so why do I stay? There is genuine love there (if you can call it that. Mutual dependence? I don't know). But I do feel stuck in the guilt of the caretaking role, and I also think of the times when it is good and we do connect and get along, and I also feel obligated because of how close we've become with knowing eachother intimately in personal details. So. I NEED to turn it over to God, PERIOD.
Anyway I need help. It is not his problem that I feel stuck with him. Sometimes it is good between us. And I truly don't know what I'll do in the next month.
Tomorrow is his bday and I had offered lunch, and not felt right about it. So I left him a message that I love him but I am not comfortable with all his issues he needs help with and is not getting; from his counselor, psychiatrist, doctor, meetings, and I can't help him, and I am tired of feeling responsible for him and I need Al Anon and he is an adult and I need him to stop and let me take care of myself and I am scared to have him in my car and take him to a restaurant because of his temper. Last time a few days ago I wouldn't take him home because he was making threats to damage property at the restaurant. This is so hard to admit. I was so mad he wanted to take me out to tell me something and it was private about sex and I got so upset, it was so inappropriate.
is truly sick and was told he may have cancer months ago and hasn't seen a doctor since, losing more weight, having some awful issues, and relapsed a couple times, and he admitted he's suicidal and his counselor didn't have much to say and his psychiatrist doesn't take enough time with him, and he won't share in his AA meetings. ENOUGH! I CANNOT Save him. He's said he's waiting for his insurance. I don't know. Counselor said I'm keeping him from getting the help he needs by trying to help. I see her point. And I am creating more animosity between us from going round and round with him with the insanity, lies, and reacting in hurt and anger...
OK so why do I stay? There is genuine love there (if you can call it that. Mutual dependence? I don't know). But I do feel stuck in the guilt of the caretaking role, and I also think of the times when it is good and we do connect and get along, and I also feel obligated because of how close we've become with knowing eachother intimately in personal details. So. I NEED to turn it over to God, PERIOD.
Anyway I need help. It is not his problem that I feel stuck with him. Sometimes it is good between us. And I truly don't know what I'll do in the next month.
My prayers are with you. If you need to talk, we are all here for you.
Don't look at it as making a choice between him and your therapist, look at it as simply doing what is best for you.
In the long run, only you can make that decision, and we will be here for you. No matter what happens to him, however, it is HIS choices and HIS ALONE that get him there. You intervening would only prolong the inevitable. If his condition is truly terminal, or could be if he doesn't get care, it is going to be a rough road with treatments, etc., but you also know the capacity he has for abuse. There are plenty of resources he can reach out to for care, if that is what he needs, so don't be "guilted" into believing that you are the only one who can help him.