Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I'm feeling like i'm starting to get somewhere and finally moving on little by little. However i've been struggling with something which may seem quite petty.
When we were together and he started to devalue me, he'd begin to point out how much he fancied celebrities. He also had folders full of sexy pictures of these celebrities on his computer and changed a picture of me as his computer background to a sexy women instead. This in itself didn't hurt, but coupled with his disinterest in me and at the time, disinterest in sex too, it began to knock my self esteem a bit. Over time he also began looking at pictures of girls i knew on the internet, and even started commenting jokingly that my friend was attractive.
It sounds ridiculous and it probably wouldn't have been of any concern if he was loving in the relationship but as everything started added up, i could feel my self esteem getting lower. By the end of it, i was even upset that he wanted to put a poster of a women on the wall which in hindsight seems ridiculous. It was also like he seemed to enjoy how crazy and silly i was becoming. After all this he went to uni and lived with girls which even made me depressed. I became very envious that these girls were getting the nice version of him i used to know whilst he seemed to want nothing to do with me. He then made me out to be the crazy jealous girlfriend.
On the last night we spent together he barely said a word to me and was texting a girl all night, the same girl who he'd borrowed belongings off and told me i was "paranoid" when i confronted him. I walked out on him that night. The next morning he was flirting with her online without a thought for me.
The problem now is, that although i believe i don't want him back, i still see some of these girls out and about and it really knocks my self esteem. I notice all their great qualities and stupidly think that if i was more like them, maybe i wouldn't have got treated like i did. It even happens with celebs on tv, when i see one he fancied, i'll get a stabbing feeling and remember all the things he said and feel like i'm worthless. I know it seems so silly but is there any way to stop this?
When we were together and he started to devalue me, he'd begin to point out how much he fancied celebrities. He also had folders full of sexy pictures of these celebrities on his computer and changed a picture of me as his computer background to a sexy women instead. This in itself didn't hurt, but coupled with his disinterest in me and at the time, disinterest in sex too, it began to knock my self esteem a bit. Over time he also began looking at pictures of girls i knew on the internet, and even started commenting jokingly that my friend was attractive.
It sounds ridiculous and it probably wouldn't have been of any concern if he was loving in the relationship but as everything started added up, i could feel my self esteem getting lower. By the end of it, i was even upset that he wanted to put a poster of a women on the wall which in hindsight seems ridiculous. It was also like he seemed to enjoy how crazy and silly i was becoming. After all this he went to uni and lived with girls which even made me depressed. I became very envious that these girls were getting the nice version of him i used to know whilst he seemed to want nothing to do with me. He then made me out to be the crazy jealous girlfriend.
On the last night we spent together he barely said a word to me and was texting a girl all night, the same girl who he'd borrowed belongings off and told me i was "paranoid" when i confronted him. I walked out on him that night. The next morning he was flirting with her online without a thought for me.
The problem now is, that although i believe i don't want him back, i still see some of these girls out and about and it really knocks my self esteem. I notice all their great qualities and stupidly think that if i was more like them, maybe i wouldn't have got treated like i did. It even happens with celebs on tv, when i see one he fancied, i'll get a stabbing feeling and remember all the things he said and feel like i'm worthless. I know it seems so silly but is there any way to stop this?
The words "sounds silly, ridiculous, stupid" etc....
They are self devaluing words that will keep u in a state of low self esteem!
Next, it's not stupid, silly or ridiculous to feel the way you have been forced to feel, he's practically shoved other girls in your face and played u off against them in a sick game of females against my girlfriend.
I recommend trying counselling to help with your self esteem, I've had to do it, my self esteem was crushed also but just in a different method!
These girls he's played u against, they are not in play, they don't even know that they have been used in his sadistic games!
They are more than likely really nice people who if they found out they way he's flaunted them in that fashion in front of you to get a reaction from you would probably be disgusted in his actions and so very sorry to you for what you've been through!
It's like being used as blood money and I'm sure these people wouldn't be happy about what he's done!
Just try to think of it like that the next time u see these girls, remember that he's the bad guy and the girls are just people who he selected in secret ( behind their backs ) to use them in his games!
So baring that in mind, do you really wish to be more like them?
It's better to be as far away from him as possible forever and realise that the comparing u to them is the real, stupid, silly and ridiculous thing in all if this!
Hun, he's a toss pot and his opinion is worthless, who is he? A leading designer with an eye for a model type talent? His opinion is shallow but I guess so is he!!
Don't allow it to define you!!!
"He fancied other women and celebrities and compared you with them" Ok now, again good thing your not still wasting your time on this loser of a man who needs to make you feel bad so he can have power over you and feel big and important, what a guy! Like all other abusers they put on a different show for other people making us look like the crazy lunitics. Ok so good thing you are on your way to healing from this jerk of a guy who seems to like hurting you all the time. I think if you count all the things he has done to hurt you it wont make you question yourself at all anymore. Make a list and when you start feeling bad because of what he told you, said to you, or did to you, you can reaffirm your self that you are a beautiful person who has a lot of good qualities and just because you got the wrong guy doesn't mean its the only guy and also doesn't mean all the rest are like him. So you may end up way happier because your not with him now and you may find the nicest loving match later on after you have healed from this traumatic relationship. I know what its like I had to pick myself up off the floor I have been so low from his words and actions and I too have been the crazy jealous girl who everyone else ends up hating because of his play acting. Yep so what if they go along with his play they can have him and the whole thing. Better off without em!! Look at who you were before you met him and then start trying to be that person again and slowly it will come back to you. Hugs, sorry you had to go through all of that and I hope its the last time too!
Just because someone treats a diamond as cut glass, it doesn't mean the diamond IS (or becomes) cut glass, it just means that someone is a fool.
His opinion, his treatment of you, doesn't change your worth. It says WAY more about him than about you. Your feelings of low self worth are a perfectly normal (though obviously unfortunate) by product of abuse. You have been emotionally battered, and what you are experiencing are the emotional bruises, perhaps even emotional broken bones. And just as you would if he'd left real bruises/broken bones, you may well need professional help in healing the injuries. You wouldn't leave broken bones untreated, don't leave your emotional injuries untreated.
As Kaz said, please try to find a therapist/counsellor who can help you rebuild your self esteem. And, as both previous posters have said, please try to avoid calling yourself names. You are not silly, stupid, ridiculous, crazy, any of the other words he has made you feel. You are injured is all. But you CAN heal.
Please treat yourself well and don't let him win at his "game." You are a worthy, wonderful, valuable person and his opinion means nothing. Tell yourself that please. :)
You are not a nutso jealous controlling bitchfreak of a hormonal woman for finding those things offensive.
It's NOT silly. Abuse
is not silly. It's abuse.
""""""""is there any way to stop this?"""""""
The only way to stop an
abuser from abusing
is to remove yourself
from the crosshairs
of abuse.
He will not stop.
There is no way to stop him.
He WILL get WORSE.
Have you had ---- or would
you consider getting -----
counseling or therapy, for
the purpose of guiding
and supporting you in
helping you build your
self-regard and
self-worth?
Please know that
there is a better life,
a life free of abuse.
That life could be
yours. But not
with an abuser.
I hope you will
take care of
yourself.
Hugs and
healing prayers.