Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
The more I think about the child support issue the more irritated I get but at the same time I feel even more validated.
As I have mentioned we went to mediation this past Monday. At the end of the day my husband owes me child support (which is not what I thought was going to happen) and the amount is significant enough to make a difference for me and my bills and taking care of the kids.
I also mentioned on here how upset my husband was about having to pay me child support because it was not "what we agreed to before the mediation", even though my husband makes more then me.
Long story short to avoid the full amount of the child support going through the state the mediator got my husband to agree to pay 100% of my daughters day care which cost more then my sons and I would pay 100% of my sons. With this agreement my husband would still owe me $150/month in child support (for both kids, not each kid).
I am holding the health insurance for my kids through my work and I am winding up having to pay it 100% because the docs say I have to because my husband is paying all of my daughters day care (which really isn't happening because he winded and bitched so much I just agreed (verbally) to just go back to what we agreed to before mediation and pay 1/2 of each kids day care & he would still pay me the $150/month for both kids.
Well I got to thinking about this, I am only getting $150/month from him, splitting both kids day care in 1/2 with him and I am paying 100% or the kids health insurance. When I asked him about it he responded with, well........ I am giving you $150/month in child support and that is more then 1/2 of the health insurance.
1/2 of me is sooooo pissed off and the other 1/2 of me feels so validated because it just re-affirms who he and that he never did and never will change.
But another part of me is really upset that he is really just so damn selfish and only sees this as me benefiting and not his kids.
I feel deep down like he wants me to struggle so that he has the extra money to do fun things with the kids and I won't because I will practically be living pay check to pay check. I will be able to afford my bills but not very much more then that.
So frustrated right now, but I will take frustration over sadness, anxiety and self doubt.
Thanks for letting me vent!
P.S. Happy Friday! =)
As I have mentioned we went to mediation this past Monday. At the end of the day my husband owes me child support (which is not what I thought was going to happen) and the amount is significant enough to make a difference for me and my bills and taking care of the kids.
I also mentioned on here how upset my husband was about having to pay me child support because it was not "what we agreed to before the mediation", even though my husband makes more then me.
Long story short to avoid the full amount of the child support going through the state the mediator got my husband to agree to pay 100% of my daughters day care which cost more then my sons and I would pay 100% of my sons. With this agreement my husband would still owe me $150/month in child support (for both kids, not each kid).
I am holding the health insurance for my kids through my work and I am winding up having to pay it 100% because the docs say I have to because my husband is paying all of my daughters day care (which really isn't happening because he winded and bitched so much I just agreed (verbally) to just go back to what we agreed to before mediation and pay 1/2 of each kids day care & he would still pay me the $150/month for both kids.
Well I got to thinking about this, I am only getting $150/month from him, splitting both kids day care in 1/2 with him and I am paying 100% or the kids health insurance. When I asked him about it he responded with, well........ I am giving you $150/month in child support and that is more then 1/2 of the health insurance.
1/2 of me is sooooo pissed off and the other 1/2 of me feels so validated because it just re-affirms who he and that he never did and never will change.
But another part of me is really upset that he is really just so damn selfish and only sees this as me benefiting and not his kids.
I feel deep down like he wants me to struggle so that he has the extra money to do fun things with the kids and I won't because I will practically be living pay check to pay check. I will be able to afford my bills but not very much more then that.
So frustrated right now, but I will take frustration over sadness, anxiety and self doubt.
Thanks for letting me vent!
P.S. Happy Friday! =)
Don't give in - for the sake of your future and that of your kids. I KNOW how hard this is, truly I do, but don't give in. Get everything that was agreed in mediation. If he gets you to backtrack on this, then he'll pick something else that's "unfair" and ask you to backtrack on that too - and pretty soon you'll end up with a "verbal agreement" that leaves you with next to nothing.
You had a mediation, you reached a settlement. Stick to it.
Oh yeah and ... yeah they really do show who they are. Sometimes it's hard for us to see, but then when the blinders come off, it's like "whoa! he really IS that bad".
In most states child support is separate from any alimony &/or division of joint assets. Child support if FOR THE CHILDREN and since they are HIS CHILDREN, HE IS RESPONSIBLE FOR HIS FAIR SHARE.
Please do NOT let him get away with this.
Also please don't listen to what the 'docs' say about legalities. Please check with an attorney. It will be well worth a couple of hundred dollars to have one look over the agreements & inform you as to the legalities of the law. Mediators job is to get you in and out w/an agreement, not be your ADVOCATE.
BTW, many lawyers offer a free consultation where you can get good advice & answers to these issues.
Think of it this way... you can pay them a few hundred dollars now or wait & when you have to go back to court, you'll probably end up having to pay thousands.
Do not let your stbx continue to run you and your kids into the ground.
His $150 a month child support isn't supposed to just pay their insurance. They also need to eat, and be clothed, and have at least SOME entertainment, a roof over their heads and on and on and on. You know the things kids need. Yes, they need medical insurance too, and day care. But those are fixed costs that he should contribute to. Child support is to help with the unfixed costs.
I'm glad you have medical control!!! My counselor had recommended this to me, because abusers usually don't want the kids to go to counseling.