Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So two days ago, right before bed, I got an email. It was the boyfriend (C) of my old friend (J).
He complained that I had been posting horrible things about him on my blog, and that he was making a request that I stop.
I responded and thanked him for making the request, but I was unable to comply, as I had actually not reference him or her in any way in almost two months.
That's when he got ugly. He let me know that he was going to continue reading my blog daily, scouring it for references to him, and that if I continued defaming him online, he would file a lawsuit against me. And If I made contact with J, they would file for a restraining order. And If I confronted her or touched her in any way, he would file criminal charges. Etc, etc, etc. Except I have done none of those things.
I told him that as I resented being forced to go no contact with J against my will, I was not going to force NC on anyone else. However, I was going to insist that he choose between respectful conversation and no contact, and that if he couldn't say anything nice... He responded that I had no authority to do so - I replied that I had the same authority he and J did in demanding it of me, and I was actually being more lenient than they.
Uglier still. He ordered me to stop responding to him. Taunting me about how J had chosen the better man, and how he was looking forward to getting married to her, and I would never know. I told him that I was interested in restoring the relationship to as good a state as I could manage, and that I would not contact either of them, unless they contacted me first. But if they did contact me, I would take that as permission to try and reach understanding.
I did not sink to his level. Every email I recieved, I responded by stating my case as clearly as I could, and asking forgiveness for the things I had done wrong, and bleesing him, and sharing my prayers for him. I complimented him and reminiced about how much I had enjoyed being his friend, back before he decided to hate me. He responded again and again with abuse and threats and taunts. I informed him that his words were causing me considerable distress, and I wished that he would either speak respectfully, or stop responding.
My friends begged me to make it stop. Just stop responding. He'd go away. Just ignore him. I told them that I needed to stand firm, that he needed to see I would not be pushed around any more. I am tired of being the one who backs down, walks away. They were concerned for me - and they were right to be. I was self-harming with each new attack from him. But I didn't care. I knew that if I could stand firm, I would never be afraid of him. It got a little tricky to type after a while - my fingers were getting clumsy.
It's now almost 24 hours since I responded to his last email. He has not responded. I'm a mess, and my family is now deeply confused as to why I refused to just walk away. But I won. I endured his pain and my own, and he backed down. I woke up this morning feeling strong - not feral strong, like a wolf, but immovable, like a mountain. I can already feel the feeling fading, and I'm fighting hard to keep ahold of it, but it was there. I was my old, stubborn, I will not back down come hell or high water, I will not sink to name calling or retaliation self again. For a few moments.
Unnerved the heck out of my wife.
It was refreshing to see her and the rest of my family - who say I cannot be correct about the abuse - rally to my aid. Been a while since I felt support from them.
He complained that I had been posting horrible things about him on my blog, and that he was making a request that I stop.
I responded and thanked him for making the request, but I was unable to comply, as I had actually not reference him or her in any way in almost two months.
That's when he got ugly. He let me know that he was going to continue reading my blog daily, scouring it for references to him, and that if I continued defaming him online, he would file a lawsuit against me. And If I made contact with J, they would file for a restraining order. And If I confronted her or touched her in any way, he would file criminal charges. Etc, etc, etc. Except I have done none of those things.
I told him that as I resented being forced to go no contact with J against my will, I was not going to force NC on anyone else. However, I was going to insist that he choose between respectful conversation and no contact, and that if he couldn't say anything nice... He responded that I had no authority to do so - I replied that I had the same authority he and J did in demanding it of me, and I was actually being more lenient than they.
Uglier still. He ordered me to stop responding to him. Taunting me about how J had chosen the better man, and how he was looking forward to getting married to her, and I would never know. I told him that I was interested in restoring the relationship to as good a state as I could manage, and that I would not contact either of them, unless they contacted me first. But if they did contact me, I would take that as permission to try and reach understanding.
I did not sink to his level. Every email I recieved, I responded by stating my case as clearly as I could, and asking forgiveness for the things I had done wrong, and bleesing him, and sharing my prayers for him. I complimented him and reminiced about how much I had enjoyed being his friend, back before he decided to hate me. He responded again and again with abuse and threats and taunts. I informed him that his words were causing me considerable distress, and I wished that he would either speak respectfully, or stop responding.
My friends begged me to make it stop. Just stop responding. He'd go away. Just ignore him. I told them that I needed to stand firm, that he needed to see I would not be pushed around any more. I am tired of being the one who backs down, walks away. They were concerned for me - and they were right to be. I was self-harming with each new attack from him. But I didn't care. I knew that if I could stand firm, I would never be afraid of him. It got a little tricky to type after a while - my fingers were getting clumsy.
It's now almost 24 hours since I responded to his last email. He has not responded. I'm a mess, and my family is now deeply confused as to why I refused to just walk away. But I won. I endured his pain and my own, and he backed down. I woke up this morning feeling strong - not feral strong, like a wolf, but immovable, like a mountain. I can already feel the feeling fading, and I'm fighting hard to keep ahold of it, but it was there. I was my old, stubborn, I will not back down come hell or high water, I will not sink to name calling or retaliation self again. For a few moments.
Unnerved the heck out of my wife.
It was refreshing to see her and the rest of my family - who say I cannot be correct about the abuse - rally to my aid. Been a while since I felt support from them.
WOW, things are looking up. Good for you, I think you did perfect. Nothing makes people madder that want to fight as someone who refuses to fight. You definitely won. I bet he was so very frustrated.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((((HUGS))))))))))))))))))))
I did learn that our own well-being trumps dealing with abuse. I'm impressed at what you did though. If this happens again please do what is best for you but stay safe above all!