Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have been reading about narcissistic abuse as part of my healing journey from an emotionally abusive relationship. One thing that has stuck with me is that my abuser acknowledged that he had "never loved anyone ever" and that he thinks that he has "a problem with empathy". Part of me feels, because of the context that this was divulged, that it was a way of provoking guilt and sympathy to excuse his actions and keep me under his control. Unfortunately for me further down the track it was these statements that were used as a means of crazy making and gaslighting.
In hindsight I now understand that my abuser was also, in someway, aware of his abuse well before I was, whether this was a conscious reflection or based on past relationships asking;
"Do you think I am verbally abusive?".
"No! you've never called me anything" I said.
He was never verbally abusive to me as such, it was all emotional and covert. It was insinuated by his expression, tone, choice of words, and wound within his lies and crazy making tactics. I had no knowlege or definition of emotional abuse at the time.
It got me questioning whether other people have been in abusive relationships where the abuser acts in someway self aware.
Does anyone else have any experience with self aware narcissists or abusers?
There isn't a lot written on the subject as abusers who fit within the definitions of narcissist, sociopath and other personality disorders are often said to lack this kind of insight and reflection or just wouldn't admit it.
I think that my abuser in many ways idealised being a wealthy single man who could get any woman that he wanted when he wanted. In the end he wore his lack of empathy and attachment like a badge of honour when discarding me.
I'd love to hear your experiences
anything, typically do it (as already
noted), as a tactic to regain control
of an escaping "supply" or victim.
Some, (as already noted), may
display some awareness of
their patterns, but not as a
step toward any kind of change.
These may acknowledge their
dysfunctional patterns, but
have no intention of making
any changes, as the abusive
patterns are what enable
them to maintain control
and power. They feel that
what they're doing is
WORKING.
A very small sector of the
population of abusers may
acknowledge awareness
of their dysfunction and be
willing to change.
MOST of these abusers,
even though "willing"
and "ready" to change
NEVER WILL. This is
because their dysfunctional
behavior patterns are
such and ingrained
part of their psyche
that they will find
themselves UNABLE
to change. The dysfunction
at this point, is already
hardwired into their
character.
Ultimately, an infinitesimal
number of abusers who
actually acknowledge
their dysfunctional
patterns will ever
become non-abusive.