Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Im not sure how to deal with this. I come from past abusive relationships (almost all of them).
Im not sure if I should just leave or try to work on things.
From the very beginning my gf (Im gay) has been pretty shady about other women. She had an ex that I had to go through some drama with, then lied about meeting up with a girl while out of state at her family reunion, had one of her college sorority sisters (from years ago) calling at all hours singing to each other on the phone and the girl getting pissed when my gf didnt go visit her at one point ( a visit i only found out about cuz the girll was pissed), then met a girl on the internet claiming she was just a friend but when i talked to her the girl totally lied to me, then she actually did cheat on me and then she was answering ads on craigslist telling other women "im looking for someone special, i will travel " while she was out of town for work....
And there were a couple of occasions where she would kinda trow me around. I for the most part let her. Until I started getting sick of it and would fight her back and then once i hit her before she ever hit me.
So we went to counseling and even though I felt I was only hitting her because she had BEEN hitting me, it still isnt right and I refused to do it anymore...
I should be gone right?
Well, at some point in the midst of all this... we had a huge fight. She choked me. She put her hands around my throat and choked me until my vision was going black and I pushed her off me. I didnt even touch her. I just kept talking, trying to get her to stop without anymore violence. She did this 2 more times and then I started swinging and trying to get her away from me. In this process she broke my nose.
Like to the doctor, ex rays and everything broken, black eye to go with it.
She says she is sorry blah blah blah of course.
So not only am I trying to deal with all the cheating bs and not being able to trust her... Im trying to get past not only her breaking my nose but the fact that she was trying to kill me (after everything died down, she said she was trying to kill me so no one else could have me. Not the first time she said something about killing me)
To me, it feels like she plays everything down, like its not that big of a deal. Like it was just a mistake she made. With both the cheating and the violence.
She is (in my eyes) pretty verbally abusive as well. She used to call me stupid all the time. The way she words things and says things to me just isnt ok. She hasnt called me stupid in a while (the counselor told her it wasnt ok). I feel constantly put down by here or treated like I dont know anything. Its so hard to make sense of the verbal stuff, cuz to me its not ok... but I guess it might be ok with someone else. Obviously its ok to her. It feels like she attacks me and turns things around on me... Its hard to explain.... She lies a lot. I have gotten to the point where I dont even say much about it cuz I dont feel like going through the process I would have to go through for bringing it up.
She wants to have a baby together....The children I have already were with abusive partners. I would be off my rocker to have a baby with her. Isnt the definition of insane doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? I cant marry her... right? Why would I ? If I cant do either of those things why continue on?
I have an appointment for counseling next week at a domestic violence center. I lied to them and told them I am no longer with anyone who abuses me.
I just want my heart to feel ok.
I dont know if I can get over all of this especially with the way she acts about it.
I dont know if I should get over it.
Im not a stupid woman... but I sure do feel like I look like one right now.
Like what the %$#@ am I doing?
Why am I still here?
Where is my line?
Im not sure if I should just leave or try to work on things.
From the very beginning my gf (Im gay) has been pretty shady about other women. She had an ex that I had to go through some drama with, then lied about meeting up with a girl while out of state at her family reunion, had one of her college sorority sisters (from years ago) calling at all hours singing to each other on the phone and the girl getting pissed when my gf didnt go visit her at one point ( a visit i only found out about cuz the girll was pissed), then met a girl on the internet claiming she was just a friend but when i talked to her the girl totally lied to me, then she actually did cheat on me and then she was answering ads on craigslist telling other women "im looking for someone special, i will travel " while she was out of town for work....
And there were a couple of occasions where she would kinda trow me around. I for the most part let her. Until I started getting sick of it and would fight her back and then once i hit her before she ever hit me.
So we went to counseling and even though I felt I was only hitting her because she had BEEN hitting me, it still isnt right and I refused to do it anymore...
I should be gone right?
Well, at some point in the midst of all this... we had a huge fight. She choked me. She put her hands around my throat and choked me until my vision was going black and I pushed her off me. I didnt even touch her. I just kept talking, trying to get her to stop without anymore violence. She did this 2 more times and then I started swinging and trying to get her away from me. In this process she broke my nose.
Like to the doctor, ex rays and everything broken, black eye to go with it.
She says she is sorry blah blah blah of course.
So not only am I trying to deal with all the cheating bs and not being able to trust her... Im trying to get past not only her breaking my nose but the fact that she was trying to kill me (after everything died down, she said she was trying to kill me so no one else could have me. Not the first time she said something about killing me)
To me, it feels like she plays everything down, like its not that big of a deal. Like it was just a mistake she made. With both the cheating and the violence.
She is (in my eyes) pretty verbally abusive as well. She used to call me stupid all the time. The way she words things and says things to me just isnt ok. She hasnt called me stupid in a while (the counselor told her it wasnt ok). I feel constantly put down by here or treated like I dont know anything. Its so hard to make sense of the verbal stuff, cuz to me its not ok... but I guess it might be ok with someone else. Obviously its ok to her. It feels like she attacks me and turns things around on me... Its hard to explain.... She lies a lot. I have gotten to the point where I dont even say much about it cuz I dont feel like going through the process I would have to go through for bringing it up.
She wants to have a baby together....The children I have already were with abusive partners. I would be off my rocker to have a baby with her. Isnt the definition of insane doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result? I cant marry her... right? Why would I ? If I cant do either of those things why continue on?
I have an appointment for counseling next week at a domestic violence center. I lied to them and told them I am no longer with anyone who abuses me.
I just want my heart to feel ok.
I dont know if I can get over all of this especially with the way she acts about it.
I dont know if I should get over it.
Im not a stupid woman... but I sure do feel like I look like one right now.
Like what the %$#@ am I doing?
Why am I still here?
Where is my line?
This relationship is not going to get better. Your grlfirend demonstrates all the hallmarks of a disordered person. She lies, she cheats, she projects her own behavior onto you, she tries to control you and your perceptions of reality. Failing that she verbally and phsycially abuses you. She feels such toxic hatred inside her, that she thinks of killing you. She minimizes the severity of her abuse.She turns things around on you. She manipulates you into unreality by talking about having a baby together.
Please research the terms sociopath, psychopath, and narcissist.
You have apparently been harmed by one or more these monsters in the past and it leaves you vulnerable to having it happen again. You need counseling. Please do not, for a moment, consider bringing a baby into this horror.
Please call back about the counseling.
And please keep posting here.
Hugs,
Kris
Your partner sounds very dangerous and I'm glad that you are reaching out for help.
An abuser who chokes
is an abuser who
could kill.
Please be honest with the
d.v. counselor at your
appointment. She will
help you. But do, please,
be honest.
Do NOT "get over it."
Your heart will never
be okay, together
with someone
who abuses you.
And if one day she
decides to not let
go of your throat,
then you will not
be able to EVER
be okay.
Please let the
counselor in so
she'll be able to
help support you!
Take good care.
Sending hugs
and healing thoughts.