Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Hello,
Having grown up, and as a child who was sexually, physically and emotionally abused. It made life very difficult for me. I had a very difficult time developing relationships with others or getting close to people. I grew up in fear, was bitter and angry at the world (so I thought), I was really angry at those who hurt me, and those who taught me that the world I lived in was not a safe place. I had a very distorted view of the world and didn't understand the concept of love.
I have been doing support work and group therapy for going on 30 years now. One of the rewards is in getting to know my children, I just met my youngest son for the first time just weeks ago. I am presently attending college for my degree in Social and Health Services. I am working on paying forward help that at one point in my life seemed out of reach. I am a man who is about to turn 60, and at one time never would have thought I would have made it to see this day. How many boys or men are out there that couldn't reach out for help because we are men and fixers. Boys used to grow up with so many well-kept secrets about the abuse we endured and tried to live with. We were considered weak or a pansy if we showed any emotion other than happiness or anger. What a lie that is and was.
Brent
As I move on from my toxic past, I find it difficult to want to move beyond superficial relations with others because I don't want to have to explain my past. Will they understand why i am cut off from family, divorced, all these things that have happened... I also feel like damaged goods. I don't feel like it's right to "inflict" myself upon others. I'm not sure others see me that way as from the outside looking in, it might seem like I have a few things going for me, but from my side, i feel a lot differently.
Congratulations on the good work you are doing! This is the greatest gift.
I so appreciate what you have to offer! I don't see us as damaged goods today, we are survivors and have so much to offer the world today. There are so many like us trying to find their way, and we can be a light. There are relationships out there beyond the superficial, it took me many years to realize this because I learned through the trauma I endured, that I had become somewhat superficial, I numbed myself to what it real, and that really mattered to me.
Today I am developing relationships that are real and meaningful. And I can say from my experiences, it took and takes work. But because of this work I am developing a relationship with my children and grandchildren I never thought that I would have. Thank you so very much for your wisdom and kind words.
Brent
So glad to hear you are doing well! It's inspiring for sure. I know there are relationships and decent people out there. I just never seem to get the attraction + decency at the same time and if I do, they are already taken.
I have had a lot of opportunities, so I feel about to give up on myself as the options do not seem to be getting better!
I have, like you, stopped numbing myself for sure. My art has been key to this and I have become known somewhat. Now I am so sensitive, i also don't have much tolerance for nonsense which is good!
Children have such wonderful energy ! So glad you are enjoying!
The day is good! Don't give up on yourself, there are always opportunities out there, and they seem to pop up when we least expect them. From time to time I note that I miss an opportunity just because I am looking to hard. I find that what helps most today is learning just to be a good friend and open to the possibilities. Then who knows? Anything can happen... Sounds like you are very talented. I am biased for sure when it comes to my kids and grandchildren, and they do have such wonderful energy, no doubt about that.
Brent
I so agree with you and believe me, I am such a free-spirit that I actually have been enjoying my freedom for a long time. However, once it gets to the point that all your other much younger friends are getting married, having kids, etc. it starts to feel a bit like I've been left behind! Never mind, I am now hanging out with the kids too! Though they are not my own! lol Young people are wonderful and have such clearer energy than older and jaded people like myself! hahah When I am around them, it helps a lot! I'm sure that's how you feel with your kids and grandchildren too!
You sound like you are in a very good place!!!
Sending you all the best!
Brent
This royal wedding made me realise that I might be a bit afraid to be well-off again as I do remember feeling so guilty when i married someone who made a nice living. My family all were asking me for things, my mother belittled me on my birthday that she still had to work! It's hard to let go of other's expectations as well. But sometimes you have to do that as well... :)
I'm doing so much better in my life as well since I have stopped contact! I just need to prepare better for occasions like Christmas and birthdays. I've been so busy with my career, that I many times do not do this. It seems a bit sad to be alone on holidays. But otherwise I do have many friends and acquaintances.
I so agree! Parentification needs to be discussed more as I'm sure my family have no idea there is even anything wrong with it!
I would like to think I am well, but I too have my days when triggered. They are getting fewer and fewer though. For so many years I wanted their acceptance and love. What I had thought as a child that was love and acceptance was abuse. It took many years to learn the difference, and how I sacrificed myself again and again and being left used and abused. I am a gay man, and as a boy, I was trying to find out where I fit in, and even family either turned their backs or added to my conflict in the form of abuse. It was many years before I learned there was support, love, encouragement, and self-acceptance to be found. For many years I felt alone and destitute. Today I have a rich (loving & caring) family that supports me and loves me for who I am. My brothers have lost out on a beautiful me, they have lost out on nieces and nephews who are amazing young people today. I had to learn to love and to trust all over again. Today, living life is a gift that I share with all who come to know me. Not to say there are not bad days, there most certainly is, but there are far more good ones. Those who do accept us, are the ones who count today.
Brent
I am so sorry you didn't have the love you deserved when you were young, but sounds like you are very blessed now and that is what is important! Now!
I was adopted as a baby and in many ways indulged. From the outside looking in, it seemed i was very loved. But I have terrible memories of when I was a toddler - so many mean things my mother did to me! Then as i became older, she became more and more vicious when she could not control my thoughts. She wanted me to be like her. When I was 18, both my uncles and many of my cousins could not wait to try to get with me since in their eyes, "I wasn't really related since i was adopted!" I guess they didn't care that they were the only family I had!
I have always said that I feel gay people should be able to adopt as they have overcome that major issue which all adopted children have -- and that is identity! Because you understood how important it was to be true to yourself, you could help those children do that more than anyone!
So glad I connected with you in here! I haven't been here in a while and when I first found this place, I was in a much darker time! The counselling, this group which showed me how much are stories are so much alike and how we always accept too much blame - the same story over and over!
It has been a blessing to learn this and to see others like yourself thrive and not just survive!
Blessings to you!
I am no longer sorry for my past, as I realize the problem was in them and not in me at the time. While I had much to work through, I am blessed today with who I have become. It was a struggle along the way, my worldview was so askew. Today there is so much more clarity. Meeting you is a blessing, and I thank you for sharing your story with me, and for allowing me to share mine with you.
My children are all three bisexual and amazing young people. My daughter has blessed me with seven beautiful grandchildren who are so smart and amazing. Each time I visit with them and spend time with them, I learn more about just how amazing the world is. I have such a capacity to love, cherish and share my life with them. And they, in turn, are so about unconditional love and acceptance of my life and my love for them. They each reveal the healthy me in them.
I am so glad to be here and hope to share the good there can be, and be able to identify with the pain we have experienced. I choose today to live my life in the very best way possible. I celebrate whenever I can. To give for through my giving I receive.
Brent
Your children sound wonderful and what a blessing that you have such a big and caring family! My family at the moment is all the other artists and fans who are involved in the same scene as myself. At least, that is the closest to it for now.
It's a blessing to meet you and to hear about your wonderful life! It gives hope that if we continue to do the healing and discard of the weeds, life will and can be a beautiful garden!
Many blessings!!