Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I escaped my abuser a month and a half ago.
I have had immense support around me and am growing and becoming stronger more quickly than I could have dreamed of.
While I was still with my abuser I made a male friend and we started spending more time together after I escaped.
There is mutual attraction there. I've told him I cannot be in a relationship for awhile, but I cannot help the way I feel. I fear falling into another toxic relationship. Though I trust this man would not become abusive how can I know for sure? Is it too soon to move on? What advice can you give me?
I have had immense support around me and am growing and becoming stronger more quickly than I could have dreamed of.
While I was still with my abuser I made a male friend and we started spending more time together after I escaped.
There is mutual attraction there. I've told him I cannot be in a relationship for awhile, but I cannot help the way I feel. I fear falling into another toxic relationship. Though I trust this man would not become abusive how can I know for sure? Is it too soon to move on? What advice can you give me?
Even if you were only with the abuser for a short time and even if you had been in a non-abusive relationship, IMHO, a month and a half is not nearly long enough time to heal. Chances are the relationship with this guy will not last because when we go from one relationship to another, we a not taking good care of ourselves and these rebound relationships rarely last.
I would suggest that you take some time and do some therapy with a QUALIFIED therapist* to learn how to create a daily practice which would include, but not be limited to, taking good care of yourself; loving and trusting yourself first and foremost above all others; increasing your ability to spot red flags and learning to set and keep boundaries.
*A QUALIFIED therapist is one who has had additional training, and specializes in, recovery from abuse and trauma.
When we don't take the time to grieve and heal from a broken relationship, even when it's an abusive one, we will more than likely end up in similar relationships. I believe that is why so many 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc. relationships fail - because we don't do our own work and we don't pick partners and/or friend who are doing their work.
Grieving the lost of an abusive relationship many seem counter intuitive, but it's not because we are grieving the loss of our hopes and dreams and the fantasy of who we thought the abuser was. Healing takes time & it takes longer to heal from an abusive relationship than a non-abusive one.
Please allow yourself as much time as you need to grieve and heal. And take good care of you.
~healing hugs~