Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I have often wondered how come it is abusers get to make the rules and standards? My last ex whom I have been on and off with for about 3 years now seems to be one of the worst at this.
I recall him even sending a text once saying I will let you make some of the rules. WTH?
The last time I was at his place, his house was a disaster and I am no Martha Stewart, but I had never seen it that bad. The bed was unmade, clothes all over the place, table cluttered with no empty space, same with coffee table. Dishes in the sink, on the counter, and food in pans and plates, some was even molded on the counter and stove.
As my ex has just opened up a new business and has been spending everyday but Sunday there, I kind of tried to let it go, other than the food. That was just gross. Also, he is a pothead and pillhead. So any downtime he is using.
What gets me though is he was always so hard on and strict with me about my place being up to his standards. No dust, vacuumed, picked up, no dishes, etc. He even once complained about my vacumn needing to be cleaned out as it has a container that shows the dirt.
He also did not like me drinking. To him 2 beers is too much. Or taking dr prescribed scripts, though he takes anything he can get his hands on.
I however noticed cheap beer in his fridge and he let me know he went out with his business partner (who by the way is female) and her sister and not only did they drink a few drinks, but drove and smoked and I don't mean cigarettes.
So, I guess my question is Why is it ok for them to behave as if they are wild teenagers, drink, dope, drive, have sex with whomever, yet you are supposed to be sober at all times, not even take your scripts, be monagmous even though you have no idea what your actual relationship is as they keep you guessing, and you are supposed to be available at all times but they can be shady as f***.
I just don't get it.
I recall him even sending a text once saying I will let you make some of the rules. WTH?
The last time I was at his place, his house was a disaster and I am no Martha Stewart, but I had never seen it that bad. The bed was unmade, clothes all over the place, table cluttered with no empty space, same with coffee table. Dishes in the sink, on the counter, and food in pans and plates, some was even molded on the counter and stove.
As my ex has just opened up a new business and has been spending everyday but Sunday there, I kind of tried to let it go, other than the food. That was just gross. Also, he is a pothead and pillhead. So any downtime he is using.
What gets me though is he was always so hard on and strict with me about my place being up to his standards. No dust, vacuumed, picked up, no dishes, etc. He even once complained about my vacumn needing to be cleaned out as it has a container that shows the dirt.
He also did not like me drinking. To him 2 beers is too much. Or taking dr prescribed scripts, though he takes anything he can get his hands on.
I however noticed cheap beer in his fridge and he let me know he went out with his business partner (who by the way is female) and her sister and not only did they drink a few drinks, but drove and smoked and I don't mean cigarettes.
So, I guess my question is Why is it ok for them to behave as if they are wild teenagers, drink, dope, drive, have sex with whomever, yet you are supposed to be sober at all times, not even take your scripts, be monagmous even though you have no idea what your actual relationship is as they keep you guessing, and you are supposed to be available at all times but they can be shady as f***.
I just don't get it.
I've gotten this from both of the abusive women I have been with. Both of them have many pet peeves in regards to cleanliness. And it's always the same - no matter how clean, how much I organize, they find the one thing to criticize me over when their place is a wreck. Example: we did laundry over the weekend. But do to busy schedules, I didn't put my clothes away right away. Yet hers sat on the floor in the laundry basket an extra day, and her schedule was less busy than mine. Frankly, I don't care. But she cared - last night she gave me grief because the hamper in my closet was overflowing! The way I feel is don't criticize another for something you can't do yourself - but these abusers do it all the time!
I remember her giving me a lecture about how these friends kids were so efficient and wonderful, and basically described them like little cleaner robots there to make their parents lives easier. The next thing that happened was that one of those "perfect" kids got wasted while he was babysitting, dressed both the precious toddlers up in bunny outfits, and shot them and killed them in cold blood! To say he was under pressure, I suppose, was an understatement. Sad but true.
Unfortunately, that double standards thing still plays with my head now that I am out of our home for 7 weeks now.....
What I was told was not allowed is now allowed.
I think for me it is still complicating my life even though he is not here with me.