Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
Does anyone know of a good resource that explains the stages we go through when going no contact with a loved one / family member?
I am a few months into NC with my parents (for very good reason, I worked for years in therapy to forgive them and heal the relationship and they betrayed and hurt me and my children over and over again.)
I find that after the initial panic, followed by overwhelming relief, these days I think about my parents all the time, often with great sadness. A month or two ago they never entered my mind at all, now it happens almost every day.
Is this just a normal phase of grief and getting used to NC? How long does it last? It's very uncomfortable. I'd be grateful if anyone can help me see a light at the end of the tunnel.
I am a few months into NC with my parents (for very good reason, I worked for years in therapy to forgive them and heal the relationship and they betrayed and hurt me and my children over and over again.)
I find that after the initial panic, followed by overwhelming relief, these days I think about my parents all the time, often with great sadness. A month or two ago they never entered my mind at all, now it happens almost every day.
Is this just a normal phase of grief and getting used to NC? How long does it last? It's very uncomfortable. I'd be grateful if anyone can help me see a light at the end of the tunnel.
It's like being dumped. It's like grieving a loss. It's like giving up an addiction. It's like going on a diet.
As soon as I tell myself "no chocolate," THAT's when I start to obsess about chocolate! Same with a person or people.
Take it one day at a time- not thinking about the rest of your life.
You got this.
I'd also make a list of the reasons why you need them out of your life- it'll be easier to stick to it in your weaker moments when it's on the fridge.
I'd also take up a new hobby. It's easier to walk away from something when you are walking TO something as well.
Hugs!
many variables to
going No Contact
that. . . . . apart
from some very
general commonalities,
individual experiences
are mostly specific to
each situation.
In regards to your
discomfort, I'd urge
you ------ whenever
you're feeling discomfrot -----
to focus on engaging in
activities that you particularly
like and that yield you the
most amount of good feelings
and positive energy.
By doing this, you'll
spend less time
feeling that discomfort
and more time feeling
connected with what
you love to do and
how doing those
things enhance
your life.
Good luck with
your personal
journey.
Here's a video I did last week about my sister breaking the NC rule:
http://www.lisamatos.com/the-role-of-a-lifetime/
Everyone craves a loving, healthy relationship with their parents. The problem is that sometimes they are unable to give that.
I'm sure the reasons vary a lot, but one reason could be that when they were little they didn't experience unconditional love, and it may not be possible to give unconditional love unless we have felt it.
Come to think of it, I'm not sure where I learned this. The only thing I can think is of this elderly neighbor couple who used to babysit me when I was 5. At their house, I always felt loved and safe. It was such a wonderful feeling.
All kids need that, and even adults need that. If our parents (or anyone else for that matter) make us feel unsafe, anxious, angry, fearful, depressed, etc.--no matter what our ages--then they are toxic and we have to decide how much we are willing to put up with.