Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group

Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.

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Spying

Shannon1111
Shannon1111
So my story for today is... when my boyfriend and I started dating he had and still does have issues with trust... he took over my cell phone and erased most of my numbers..he texted people back if they texted me... he was horrible.. my passwords to my facebook and email were saved on my computer he went into them and read things...deleted things... opened emails and answered them then deleted everything so I didnt know.. we went to therapy and she said that was not right... I took that part of my life back..which still causes fights.. he also knows my IP address for my computer...he has in the past admitted to putting a spy thing on it so he can do what he calls pinging my IP... he takes sites that he thinks I will go on and waits for his computer to beep saying I am on one.. he promised he would stop doing it and just learn to trust me...this weekend he was acting weird again and he was thinking I was texting my kids dad out side and hiding it from him (which I was not my phone was in my purse right beside him).. As a test which might have been wrong on my part to do I went onto a dating site today just to see how long it would take him to find it.. I just serched a few profiles.. I didnt add myself to it or anything... well with 2 hours he texted me asking...if I had been a naughty today (he was thinking I had gone on it to find another man to be with us.. that is a fantasy of his)...not mine at all and it will never happen... my point is he was still pinging my IP even after he promised he wouldnt.. so I caught him in a lie and now hes pissed at me thinking I went onto a dating site looking to leave him... and I am upset that he is still spying on my computer... will he ever trust me.... he said he checked one of his exs computers up to 6 months after they broke up to see what she was doing... this is so wrong.
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
It's not about trust and it's not about you - it's about control.

Instead of asking whether he will ever trust you, ask yourself whether you want to be so controlled your whole life?
IleneW
IleneW
Yes. It's wrong.

You're posting on an abuse forum
about being spyed on, so you know
it's wrong.

Why be with someone
YOU
CAN'T TRUST??????????????

(Not to mention that he made
"promises" he chose not to keep.
That's called lying.)
gamine
gamine
Yup! Very familiar to me! Actually, in terms of spying, my abusive ex wasn't as BAD as yours, yours is just awful, but mine used to spy on me too. He would read my journals. He once took my phone away from me and answered a call (freaking the person out on the other line)....googling my exes, stuff like that... Which freaked me out enough.

Yours is horrible! BUt it shows the PARANOIA that abusers harbour. And CONTROL. It is all about controlling you because that is how they feel alive.

OF course it's wrong! You know it is.
gamine
gamine
"(he was thinking I had gone on it to find another man to be with us.. that is a fantasy of his)."

OMG, are you dating my ex? LOL! This was one of my ex's fantasies as well, threesomes.
Shannon1111
Shannon1111
Thank you all.. for the words... I will get out... I told him I want out... but I know it wont be that easy... he says it will be...but I know it wont be.

Gamine at least yours is an ex... I am still trying to get out.
Shannon1111
Shannon1111
Oh ya he did get into my journal that I have through our therapist (it was couples but it didnt work) she still takes to me through my journal that i have open to her... he got into mine.. and he still brings things up that I had in it). He really hates my kids dads and he has lied to them about me...and he has said they told him stuff and talked about me to him.. He sends tehm texts and emails without me knowing...saying I am stressed and need a break from my kids...that is bull he just wants the kids with their dads as much as possible...that is crap.
artemis000
artemis000
I agree with Livn, this isn't about trust it's about control. What he's doing is illegal, and I'd take whatever steps are necessary to make my PC 'ping' proof, then I'd kick him to the kerb. At the moment you're his girlfriend. Have you any idea how much worse things would be if you were his wife?
Shannon1111
Shannon1111
I will never be his wife..EVER... I have been married before and my exs were not half as bad as him... I called and asked about ping proofing my computer...all they said was oh he cant even do that... but he can and he does... I talked to my mom today and she just wants me out...but again she is scared for my safety if I stay and if I leave.
artemis000
artemis000
Shannon, I think a shelter might be a good option if you're worried about your safety. How about having a chat with your local women's centre about making a safe exit plan? It's always a last option, I know, but it's one that I decided to take in order to free myself of my abuser and keep myself safe.

Take care

Hugs
Shannon1111
Shannon1111
I did not do anything wrong so hes not mad at me at this point... he has even talking to me... I am sure when he does text me he will give me something like I hurt him...and hes broken again.. he makes things up in his head and then doesnt listen to the truth or ever believe me anyway for that matter... I can talk to him until I am blue in the face and he will never listen to me...maybe he will let me go without a fight this time... I can only hope.
deleted_user
deleted_user
sounds controlling and emotionally abusive. i was with a man who did that. by the time i ended the relationship, i looked back and realized that i was starting to believe i couldn't be trust. which is not true. don't let it get to that point. always believe in yourself, and get out of that relationship because you deserve better.
Shannon1111
Shannon1111
I did it... I told him we are done for good...not just another bump in the road.. everyday from here I will just get stronger.
Livndadrem
Livndadrem
Good for you! Stay strong and know you did the right thing.
Tamehau
Tamehau
I hope you stay gone and get another computer and stay away from the sites that you know he checks. Change all your passwords and keep him away from your computer and you. He may be using a keylogger. That said.

This person is a dangerous stalker. They stalk out and find your insecurites and information about you to allow them to manipulate you and control you. These people are very dangerous. It can bring you to the brink of suicide. Its an emotional rape of your soul.

Run. Stay gone! Change everything you are doing, even the routes and times you take to and from your task or work. Vow to never be in contact with him again, EVER!
Shannon1111
Shannon1111
I thought about suicide a few times while with him.. he was that bad.. but I chose my kids and myself first... He hasn't tried to contact me again yet but the weekend is when we saw each other.... if he does I will get another no contact order for sure... I am pretty sure I will be able to get one...he was arrested once for threatening to slit my throat from ear to ear and dance on his head in jail laughing that he did it... but the judge dropped the charges.