Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
So, a fair amount has been coming up on spiritual abuse lately, and Id like to chime in with my understanding. Now, before I start, Ill give a bit of disclosure: Im a Christian. Specifically, a Southern Baptist, and proud of it. I was raised in the church, and my father was a Southern Baptist minister (and we still have all kinds of fun debating theology.) I stepped away when I was in college, and learned all I could I studied Catholicism, Judaism, Buddhism, Islam, Taoism, Hindu, Shinto, Wicca, Mormon, Scientology, various Protestant sects, as well as several ancient religions that no longer exist. Ultimately, I came back to the Southern Baptist church, because they had the logical proof I needed I believe that the bible is the inspired Word of God, and is absolutely True. I really do enjoy theology So, bearing in mind that this is all simply what I have put together, with no formal training whatsoever, heres my take on spiritual abuse:
A persons religious beliefs are intimately intertwined with who they are, for two reasons. First, because each person has the yearning to understand why? To understand and appreciate the place they occupy in the grand scheme of things. As Blaise Pascal wrote, There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus. (Disagree with his solution if you like, I quote to recognize the problem he puts forth.) The second is that, through that understanding, we come to apply rules, expectations for behavior both our own and other peoples. This is morality.
Now, most forms of religion recognize an other, a force beyond and greater than ourselves which has set rules to guide us in our actions. However, by nature of the fact that this force IS greater than ourselves, we must strive to understand and improve ourselves to come in better tune with it. Its a constant process, and all religions have a method of repentance of undoing mistakes, to allow a person to come back into alignment when they go out of alignment. Almost always involving some sort of sacrifice, be it physical or emotional. Now, a compass is useless without a magnetic field to check itself with, and so most faiths also encourage (and human nature likewise encourages) coming together in groups, to work together to better understand and move in faith. And this always means that there are those within the group who better understand, who have travelled farther along the path than others. This gives them some authority which is very difficult to check from without and it always involves a great deal of intimacy, for youre comparing your own deepest, inmost beliefs against another persons, and vulnerable in the knowledge that you dont have it all right, and have plenty of room to grow.
Now, the abuser comes into the picture. By claiming to agree with you, but better understand your own faith than you, they have a handle on one of the building blocks of your self-identity. If they can get you to cede them that authority then they can directly work your own sense of self against you, warping your faith in such a way that you cannot possibly live up to it. The sense of guilt and shame for not living up to your own standards will cause you to lose all self-respect, and youll begin doing most of the abusers work for them. By publicly crying out, and seeking assurance from others that they do have that authority, they can reinforce your own belief that they should be in a place where they get to control your own beliefs. This form of abuse is deeply vile, for it damages the sense of self directly.
Now, as for Christianity specifically, (and any time you see something that youre unsure of, or curious about when I speak of Christianity, please challenge me to provide proof) the Bible states that of primary importance in each of our lives is our relationship with God the Father. (Mat 22:37-40) We can show that love for Him by loving the people who He loves (1 John 4:7-8; 19-21). However, we are all sinners, and put ourselves before God and consequently before other people (Rom 3:23). Even as that sin creates a rift in the relationship between us and God, He is constantly yearning to forgive us a feeling that I think far too many of us abused ones can understand (Mat 18:12-14). All we have to do is admit our wrong to him, and do what He asked us to do to show that we mean it (Rom 10:9) and He will joyfully embrace us once more (Luke 15:11-32; 1 John 1:9).
Now, if Gods first concern is to be in good relationship with you, personally what must he think of someone who tries to interfere with that relationship (Mat 7:15-23)? Who has set themselves the goal of usurping His place in our lives (Exodus 32:32-33)? God loves you, and wants to nurture the relationship, drawing you closer to Him. He wants to pour down gifts upon you, to bless you without restraint (Psalms 31:19). And there is someone in your life who is interfering with His work in that direction, who is lying about who God is and what He wants, in order to get their own way.
You are all my brothers and sisters please, feel free to challenge me, ask for more details I enjoy being able to refine my own beliefs. As iron sharpens iron, so, too does one man sharpen another Proverbs 27:17. God is for us who, then can be against us?
A persons religious beliefs are intimately intertwined with who they are, for two reasons. First, because each person has the yearning to understand why? To understand and appreciate the place they occupy in the grand scheme of things. As Blaise Pascal wrote, There is a God shaped vacuum in the heart of every man which cannot be filled by any created thing, but only by God, the Creator, made known through Jesus. (Disagree with his solution if you like, I quote to recognize the problem he puts forth.) The second is that, through that understanding, we come to apply rules, expectations for behavior both our own and other peoples. This is morality.
Now, most forms of religion recognize an other, a force beyond and greater than ourselves which has set rules to guide us in our actions. However, by nature of the fact that this force IS greater than ourselves, we must strive to understand and improve ourselves to come in better tune with it. Its a constant process, and all religions have a method of repentance of undoing mistakes, to allow a person to come back into alignment when they go out of alignment. Almost always involving some sort of sacrifice, be it physical or emotional. Now, a compass is useless without a magnetic field to check itself with, and so most faiths also encourage (and human nature likewise encourages) coming together in groups, to work together to better understand and move in faith. And this always means that there are those within the group who better understand, who have travelled farther along the path than others. This gives them some authority which is very difficult to check from without and it always involves a great deal of intimacy, for youre comparing your own deepest, inmost beliefs against another persons, and vulnerable in the knowledge that you dont have it all right, and have plenty of room to grow.
Now, the abuser comes into the picture. By claiming to agree with you, but better understand your own faith than you, they have a handle on one of the building blocks of your self-identity. If they can get you to cede them that authority then they can directly work your own sense of self against you, warping your faith in such a way that you cannot possibly live up to it. The sense of guilt and shame for not living up to your own standards will cause you to lose all self-respect, and youll begin doing most of the abusers work for them. By publicly crying out, and seeking assurance from others that they do have that authority, they can reinforce your own belief that they should be in a place where they get to control your own beliefs. This form of abuse is deeply vile, for it damages the sense of self directly.
Now, as for Christianity specifically, (and any time you see something that youre unsure of, or curious about when I speak of Christianity, please challenge me to provide proof) the Bible states that of primary importance in each of our lives is our relationship with God the Father. (Mat 22:37-40) We can show that love for Him by loving the people who He loves (1 John 4:7-8; 19-21). However, we are all sinners, and put ourselves before God and consequently before other people (Rom 3:23). Even as that sin creates a rift in the relationship between us and God, He is constantly yearning to forgive us a feeling that I think far too many of us abused ones can understand (Mat 18:12-14). All we have to do is admit our wrong to him, and do what He asked us to do to show that we mean it (Rom 10:9) and He will joyfully embrace us once more (Luke 15:11-32; 1 John 1:9).
Now, if Gods first concern is to be in good relationship with you, personally what must he think of someone who tries to interfere with that relationship (Mat 7:15-23)? Who has set themselves the goal of usurping His place in our lives (Exodus 32:32-33)? God loves you, and wants to nurture the relationship, drawing you closer to Him. He wants to pour down gifts upon you, to bless you without restraint (Psalms 31:19). And there is someone in your life who is interfering with His work in that direction, who is lying about who God is and what He wants, in order to get their own way.
You are all my brothers and sisters please, feel free to challenge me, ask for more details I enjoy being able to refine my own beliefs. As iron sharpens iron, so, too does one man sharpen another Proverbs 27:17. God is for us who, then can be against us?
They were quick to comment on anything I said or did that they thought went against Biblical teachings, but they couldn't take it themselves, despite quoting, "A man who remains stiff-necked after much rebuke will suddenly be destroyed - without remedy," to me and claiming that they always tried to stay open-minded and learn their lessons.
By the end of my association with said person, it did feel like they had turned religion into just one more stick to beat me with. And I say that knowing that anyone else, Christian or not, probably would have had their beliefs turned against them with this person. Even if they met someone who had a faith they did not know well, I am sure it would have been weaponised sooner or later; if only for the mere fact of its difference from their own, or some such lame excuse.
Very good point, Bax! xx