First I will start off by giving a little background about me... I have been married 3 times and common law once.. my first marriage was back in 1995 I was 20...we met when I was 18.. we got married then he started drinking and using drugs (well he always used drugs apparently he just hid it from me... when he drank he got abusive and after a couple years I got out... I met hubby number 2 through an ex boyfriend...he was actual really nice..we got married bought a house and car...and a computer... we both worked full time I was a manager of a hair salon so we were doing ok...then he started to chat in chat rooms...well he stayed up really late and then didnt want to go to work..then he took a driving trip to go to a AOL party...well he brought a woman back with him...so I left the house.. he went bankrupt and we lost everything.. then I met hubby #3..he was a still is a great man...we bought a house had 2 amazing kids.. after having the second baby I didnt go back to work.. he was not much a talker and never told me that he was stressed.. we didnt talk much and I had postpartum but didnt know it.. when our son was 6 months I left him and took the kids.. I had met someone on line that seemed great..we started dating right away.. moved into together after 6 months...then I got pregnant with twins.. things just went downhill from there... when the twins were 6 months I left him as well...took all 4 kids aged at the time a girl she was 4 then a boy 2 and the twins were 6 month boys.. I moved into a crappy little 600 square foot house in a bad area...just me and the kids..that was in November of 2009.. I just lived on child support and my family allowance check (not welfare)..not that its a bad thing I just did not have to go that route. So now its June 2010 and I met a man on a dating site.. we started dating in July 2010.. there were a few red flags that went up for me but he spoiled me alot so I just over looked them.. he had money to throw around and it was nice.. after a while he started showing huge control issues.. he took my cell phone and went through it...my email passwords were saved on my computer (I had no reason to hide them)...well he went into my email read things..deleted things.. opened email and answered them without me knowing... he has huge issues with my kids dads...no reason to he just does..we fight all the time over them.. at one point he was the only one talking to them I was not allowed... we never lived togther but for a while he didnt really go home.. then we went to couples therapy because I just didnt think things were going to work.. the therapy worked for me more...I took control back with my phone and email..things had gotten better...i stared looking for a house to buy..then found one in the town that his daughters and grandkids live... so i bought it..I was to take possession on June 1st 2011, then on may 26, 2011 that is my twins birthday... their dad called to talk to them...I answered the phone and let him say happy birthday to them they are now 2 and can talk.. well my now boyfriend had talked to my ex without me knowing already and knew that he had talked to me..then he texted me and asked if I thought the twins dad would call...I just said not sure.. well to him I just lied... he was so angry..but he was already on his way to my place to babysit so I could go sign papers for the house...he showed up babysat and then left...still very angry at me... I tried talking to him at 5pm he just yelled and yelled.. he asked me a question and I answered it.. then I mentioned his kids.. and he flipped...he just said to me and I quote " if anything is ever said about me kids I will slit your throat from ear to ear and dance on my head in jail laughing that I did it" then he followed with "and if you move to that house I will send 20 Indians from the reserve to knock down your door and rape you" I called the police and he was arrested that night.. we didnt talk for 2 weeks then I was so overwhelmed with the house that I called him and we started talking again..he went to court and anger classes and the judge dropped the chargers ( I never layed the charges the police did ) we have a zero Tolerance law here...things have been up and down since then... he still has terrible issues with my exs and he made me get a new cell number.. right now he takes care of a very sick parent and then the original plan was for him to live here...but during one of our break ups I confided in my neighbor and she told everyone in town...things got back to his daughters and now he said he is never coming to this town again and he told me to start looking for a another house.. I am really happy here.. my kids all have their own rooms and they love it.. I do not want to move.. I told him that and he just says well then I guess we are done... I do not know what to do any more... I want so bad to just walk away but the things he says to me terrify me... he is so verbally abusive less now then he was was.. but still he calls me names and makes me cry weekly.. I am so scared to leave him and I am unhappy only seeing him on weekends... I am tired of being a single parent I want a family back and a caring loving man.. I know I am a good person I just need a good man to love me back the way I know I can love them.. right now I just cant get the fact that he said what he said out of my head... he may never have done it but the thought of it still sits in my heart...and its heavy.
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