Physical & Emotional Abuse Support Group
Abuse is a general term for the treatment of someone that causes some kind of harm (to the abused person, to the abusers themselves, or to someone else) that is unlawful or wrongful. No one deserves abuse, period. Abuse can be emotional, physical, or sexual.
I've been through breakups before. I know it's normal to feel the pains of torment, to wonder what you did wrong or regretting things you could have changed. But somehow this is different.
I'm not in danger of hurting myself. I do know time heals all wounds. I know I'm going to meet someone one day that respects me. I have an idea of what signs to look for to avoid being used and manipulated again. I have never had problems getting at least someone interested in me, I just happened to fall for the wrong guy.
What hurts most is that he wasn't real. I know that's a common realization around here. I've mourned death of close family before, but this is somehow different. It's different knowing this person could have resurrected themselves at any point in time, but they chose not to. I'm very sensitive to what's going on around me, and no matter how many times I'd say "something isn't right," I was faced with resistance.
It hurts the most knowing that someone that is so smart, so cunning, so selfish exists out there and I wouldn't even know it until it might be too late. My ex was way too intelligent. He told so many little lies that I couldn't keep up, and some of what I thought were lies would come back as truths, and I spent months all mixed up not knowing the difference. Yet I was wrong for not trusting him. I haven't had trust issues previously, and he used my experience with a cheating partner from my past against me. He liked using my past against me to excuse his slightly shady behavior.
He'd hide concerning behavior behind excuses that seemed perfectly normal. Until the behavior kept happening more and more, until I finally had solid proof that some of his excuses weren't entirely accurate, I thought I was going crazy and becoming an anxious person. It's mind blowing to know that people are capable of doing this, and doing it so well!
Some days I wish I wouldn't have been such an inquisitive person and I could have just lived happily in ignorance. I almost wish I didn't get so outwardly frustrated when I was confused. Then I tell myself that it would have just gone on longer, that the end result would have been the same. That I'm lucky I caught on so early before I got in much, much deeper.
I'm having trouble coping. Writing seems to help, but the moments I have to focus on work (how I dread the slow days) are the worst. I know I feel a little better every day, but I want to feel better now!
I'm not in danger of hurting myself. I do know time heals all wounds. I know I'm going to meet someone one day that respects me. I have an idea of what signs to look for to avoid being used and manipulated again. I have never had problems getting at least someone interested in me, I just happened to fall for the wrong guy.
What hurts most is that he wasn't real. I know that's a common realization around here. I've mourned death of close family before, but this is somehow different. It's different knowing this person could have resurrected themselves at any point in time, but they chose not to. I'm very sensitive to what's going on around me, and no matter how many times I'd say "something isn't right," I was faced with resistance.
It hurts the most knowing that someone that is so smart, so cunning, so selfish exists out there and I wouldn't even know it until it might be too late. My ex was way too intelligent. He told so many little lies that I couldn't keep up, and some of what I thought were lies would come back as truths, and I spent months all mixed up not knowing the difference. Yet I was wrong for not trusting him. I haven't had trust issues previously, and he used my experience with a cheating partner from my past against me. He liked using my past against me to excuse his slightly shady behavior.
He'd hide concerning behavior behind excuses that seemed perfectly normal. Until the behavior kept happening more and more, until I finally had solid proof that some of his excuses weren't entirely accurate, I thought I was going crazy and becoming an anxious person. It's mind blowing to know that people are capable of doing this, and doing it so well!
Some days I wish I wouldn't have been such an inquisitive person and I could have just lived happily in ignorance. I almost wish I didn't get so outwardly frustrated when I was confused. Then I tell myself that it would have just gone on longer, that the end result would have been the same. That I'm lucky I caught on so early before I got in much, much deeper.
I'm having trouble coping. Writing seems to help, but the moments I have to focus on work (how I dread the slow days) are the worst. I know I feel a little better every day, but I want to feel better now!
maryjan
We all know how you feel in here! And sorry you are suffering so much! I promise you that if you focus on you and take care of you, over time you will start to feel so much better! This is an antidote for all of us when we feel bad. Just treat yourself as best you can. Think about being your own parent and giving yourself exactly what you need to feel comfortable and secure. It can be big things, but all those little things add up! A nice bath, a cup of tea, a lovely walk, time to sleep, just keep thinking and focusing on what YOU need. Put all the focus on you as if you were a little baby that needed constant care and attention! Hope this helps! Hugs!!! And blessings!!
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